Being set up for failure

I am three weeks post op and am feeling like my husband is setting me up for failure. He has been approved for surgery by Dr. Sonnestine( he's so awesome) but does not have a surgery date. I feel so overwhelmed and dismayed by my husbands actions, before I had my surgery I tried ( a little half heartedly as it was) to cut back on my eating habits and managed to lose seven pounds pre-op. However my husband does nothing but eat and eat and eat and most of the time it is stuff that I used to love to eat and he does it in front of me. His whole world revolves around food when can, I eat what can I eat, how much can I eat and here I am struggling just eating 3-4 ounces at a time I feel like the only support I am getting is from my mother. I am wondering if having this surgery was a mistake. I hate admitting this up until this week I have been the absolute model patient, I have not strayed from the diet path. But this week I have cheated very badly and have just lost hope. My husband at this point would rather eat eat eat and sit with his head back to me playing world of warcraft( don't know if you all know what that is) Can somebody out there give me some advice, support and prayers. Cause right now I just feel like i am totally worthless Wendy

Wendy, I am sorry you have hit a rough spot but I think everybody does. But hang in there.  I was told there is something called "Last Super Syndrome"  which means you eat, and eat and eat prior to surgery.  I had bypass but I was told if I gained a lot of weight before surgery, there was a chance that Dr. Tom would cancel until you lost the weight you had gained.  If the only support you have is from your mom then let her be your life line.  Also we have support meetings the 4th tuesday of the month at 5:30.  The meetings are really important.  Plus your band is empty, I think.  My sister had the band and she too felt like she could eat, plus you are really hungry.  Just stay focused.  Get your mind busy other than lap band stuff.  I always recommend everyone get on the before and after picture section.  That would boost me more than anything.  Plus you are close to your one month check up. I am sure Dr. Tom or Tayrn can help and if you are having too much trouble, call them.    Jane

   Wendy, I am so sorry that you are having these problems.. Get your support however you can. We are here for you to support you.. You made the big step, you chose to change your life!! Your band is empty and you are going on sheer will power so hang in there. At six weeks you can get adjusted and you wont care what he or anyone else eats hopefully!!   Good luck and you are welcome to post on out daily what did you eat thread. It helps Becka and I stay accountable!!!   Good luck  dawn

Thanks Happy, I think it just helped to vent to people who understand what I am going through. After I posted last night we made a pact that this weekend we are cleaning out the kitchen and taking the little bit of junk food he hasn't devoured yet over to my mom's so my daughter can have a snack after she gets off the school bus. i appreciate the support

Thanks so much Jane, In fact today was my one month  post op and fill but I had a horrible migraine with viscious nausea and and a little dry heaving so Dr. Tom said to be on the safe side he would like to do my fill on April 1st. I am so glad he was so concerned instead of just hearding me in like a piece of cattle. He makes me feel like i am his only patient everytime I am in there. My husband and I have come up with a pact this weekend we are taking the few bad snacks he has not devoured over to my mom's so that my daughter can use them as an after the school bus snack. So  his support is definitely improving I think he might hav had male PMS:)

Don't they All.  Glad things are turning around.  Sounds like you have a plan and that always seems to help. Good luck Jane PS I suffered for years with uncontrollable Migrains but they are almost nothing since my surgery.  I still take the medication to prevent them but I don't have to courage to stop.....and wait and see.  I could hardly function with them.  Mine would run in Clusters.  I feel your pain... Godd luck 

Hey Wendy! Are you sure you're not looking in my windows at night??     You're story mirrors mine almost to a Tee!!  I am almost 5 months out on my band and hubby will most likely get his surgery date set up next week when he sees the surgeon with me (i'm due for a fill and he's going for his surgical consult).  He's been eating like there's no tomorrow!!  The other night I sent him to get a tomato and a loaf of french bread.......he came home with a tomato, 2 packs of dinner rolls, a box of honeycomb cereal, a bag of mini powdered donuts and a pack of mini chocolate donuts!   I'm not innocent though as I buy him treats and such knowing his days are numbered!  I do break down here and there and nibble on his treats (tonight I ate 1/2 his apple empanada).  Now, I do know my weight loss would be 5 or even 10 pounds further along if I was on the straight and narrow but I'm not going to deny myself a nibble once in a while and set myself up for a huge binge-fest.  I'm not going to beat myself up for it and just keep thinking about how much easier it will be when he's eating the same things.  I am losing, just not as fast as I'd like! Try eating your meals seperate for a while.  Maybe not being around him while he's grazing on junk might help.  Go soak in the tub, open a good book, go for a walk, etc.,  ANYTHING to get you away from the temptation!  Come log on here and hang out with us at night!  I'm usually on here in the evenings once I put my little one to bed. You might also want to sit down and talk openly with you hubby if you haven't already.  He might not even realize how troublesome it is for you.  Sometimes my husband thinks I'm just being a nag but if I stop and explain to him how i'm actually feeling in a calm voice he understands better what I need.  He actually is a keeper even if he's rough around the edges sometimes!!  Once again, please please come find us here for a little support as well!   Feel free to PM me anytime and as long as you're standing out there in my bushes looking in my windows bring some windex and paper towels, they could use a good cleaning! 

You have to get yourself together.  Don't give up this easy......look what you have gone through to get to the other side and be healthy and happy with yourself.  Find something to do to distract what is going on right now in your home.  Be strong and refuse to let anything come between you and your life.  Tell your husband how you feel and ask him to help you.  Close your eyes and go back to when you were trying so hard to be approved for this surgery and start over again.  Be postive and get your willpower back because only you can do this for yourself.  Good Luck!  Ask God to help you and he will.   Cheryl

Thanks Every time I read someone of your replies it always makes me feel so much better. I do think Pat is stress eating and I think a lot of it has to do with Easter. His mother is Italian and cooks the greatest and most enourmous meals and I think he is trying to get in everything he can now because come the next major family holiday things will be different. She even went to see Dr. Tom on Weds. and  he thinks she is a great candidate so I am now feeling more like i am inspiring my family rahter than them eating out of "spite"

Ahhh Wendy, I am so sorry you feel this way now.  It's not easy believe me, I have lived with this same thing for a very long time.  My husband thought a diet was eating bologna and a bag of chips for lunch but drinking diet coke..as he kept gaining weight..He is working on his 6th month required medically supervised diet and weigh ins..he is actually just had his 5th weigh in.  Hopefully he will be approved and Dr. Tom will place the band in him...that's a secret so don't tell anyone...lol..he doesn't want anyone to know but I tell everyone..ack. But dont' get discouraged..remember food is a source of comfort..for some folks like me it's a true addiction.  He is dealing with the loss of his eating buddy as you always joined him in the pleasures of indulging in the past..now he probably feels alone and in his own way is mourning that loss....also there are some spouses that feel very threatened when the other is doing well..making changes and working hard..that again makes them feel left out.  Tallk to him if he will..reassure him that you are doing this for your health and his.   You say here he is approved for surgery, perhaps he is nervous and or he is trying to "get it all in"..before his surgery..remember everyone reacts differently..we get nervous and scared before surgery and this may be how he is dealing with that stress... It won't be long now he will join you and the two of you can go through your journey together..it will be easier I am sure.   What I have learned through years of experience, counseling and training with Dr. Tom...is that no one can sabotage us..only we can do that to ourself....this is about you, ...and for you..forget about everyone else around you and stay focused.  Right now give yourself permission to be the most selfish person in the world...DO THIS FOR YOU.........you will do fine..we all have bad days..that's what we are all here for...If there is anything I can do to help you through it...just send me an email...use this one as I can retrieve it from wherever I am.. [email protected] Good luck Brenda