Lovekitten help!!

Hey kit..not one of my pictures downloaded and my avatar didn't change...and it seems my profile is locked up and I don't know why....what did we do to this thing last night???  lol... toooo funny, one day I gotta learn how to use a computer.

Brenda, I can get into your profile.  Everything works except your avatar.  Good to see you back!  Love the baby pictures.  It is good to finally see Ian.  He is so adorable!  Ava is just precious!  You must be one proud grandma!!!!!! I have read all your posts and it is so appreciated to have someone share their real feelings.  It helps to hear someone be honest rather than seeing everyone say over and over how wonderful and easy things are after surgery.  I can sure relate with the exercise stuff!  It is VERY tough, especially in this weather, for me to get motivated to exercise.  I keep rationalizing it with the fact that I walk at school (yeah, from class to class!) and lift my little charge (51# including braces and splints!) in and out of her chair off and on all day, but when I do a cardio DVD in the privacy of my living room I realize I am not getting near enough of what I should be!!  I am going to try harder.    I am lucky in that I do not get a lot of depression, and when I do I can shake it in a day or two, but Paula has just been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and is on disability while they tweak her long list of meds.  I can sympathize in that I am seeing what she goes through, struggling to motivate herself to do anything other than the necessary.  Reading what others are going through helps me as I struggle to understand Paula, and muster up the patience needed to see her through this, as well as deal with Andrew and his ongoing issues at the same time.  I think in a way I am crippled by this (my own doing) because I feel I have to "fix" them and take care of them 24/7.  I rarely go anywhere and worry if I do that I have to fix their meals first etc.  I just had a friend tell me the other day that I need to get out more by myself with my friends.  I see that now!  This friend was very blunt and honest with me, and told me I was not doing Paula or Andrew a service either by hovering and enabling them.  As a child of 2 alcoholic parents and the oldest girl, I was always in the "caretaker" mode every time a new baby was brought into the house.  I have hung onto that role in my home situation and work.   It is difficult to see myself as anything but the very large person I was before my surgery in December and the lack of self esteem is slow in resolving.  I feel so much better physically, but need lots of work in accepting this new emerging "smaller" self!!!!!   I think I will start by doing some mall walking.  In this weather it is a great option, and I could window shop as I walk!   Brenda, you continue to be an inspiration to me, and I wish nothing but the best for you.  I hope your mom is doing well, and that you are feeling better about everything also.  Go get some of that delicious Florida sun!!!!!   Contiue to post new pics!!!  One day I hope my daughter makes me a proud grandma!  She is headed back to Minsk, Belarus in March for a mission trip (by herself this time to train a new church group who will meet her there!) but Katie & Jeremy have hinted that they may start trying for a baby once she returns.  I will be shouting it from the rooftops when I find out I will be a grandma!       Maureen

Maureen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sooo happy to see you here.  I thought of you this morning so I decided to email you tonight.  you beat me to it!!! please email me and keep me updated on what we had discussed earlier a few weeks ago, I would like to know how things are working out. I hear ya...my problem is that I worry about the world and I too want to "fix" every problem of those I care about the most.  I am mostly into my family as my agoraphobia keeps me away from doing so much.  But I am working on it daily and the real reason I didn't want to turn my sons invitation down to join them in Fla.  I make such headway then something pushes me so far back...then I get mad and start fighting it again.   My fathers death I took very personally as it was me who made the decision and call not to resuscitate him...the guilt of that has been overwhelming..I keep telling myself it was the right thing to do..he had terminal cancer but a heart attack is probably what he died from..I wanted them to work on him but I knew that's not what he wanted..I felt I failed him...even a year later it hurts.  Now I have my mom..she has been a real challenge,..but doing so much better..this week she is coming home and her baby sister is staying with her, they really enjoy each others company..and she will have home nursing as well. When I do go into the depression I don't see that's it me but everyone else..finally my daughter got on me big time and she handles me pretty well...I knew I was getting bad.. I am feeling very good this week as I have made some decisions and changes..I tried to return to the gym this week, but the anxiety which is a trait of the agoraphobia, wouldn't let me go inside..so I came back home...but I will keep trying and eventually get there.. NOw a little sunshine and a tan this week might be the icing on the cake..(bad choice of words..lol) I am already having such anxiety about going to the airport..and flying alone..but my son will be meeting me as soon as I get off the plane. Unless you have dealt with agoraphobia it's difficult to describe..I have learned so much from counseling and reading up on it with literature my counselor gives me.  If I start feeling anxious about getting involved or going some place..I will totally turn into a different person..argumentative, impossible to get along with..it's kinda like leave me alone, but don't leave me alone..does that make sense?  It's a lonely place to be actually...and working myself back to where I was is impossible.. I didn't talk about this for years, part of my healing process is to be open about it. Thanks for your support Maureen, you are in inspiration to me as well!!! When I get back how bout we meet for lunch, I bet we can talk Chris into  joining us. my alternate email which you can use at anytime is  [email protected]

I sent you an email.   Have a great time in Florida, and bring us all back some sunshine!!! Maureen

Maureen, it's great here....very hot!!!  I have been in the sun two days now..I refuse to come back without at least a sun burn!!!  last time I was here was Dec we had to wear jeans and sweaters..not now. Yesterday my son had duty  (actually he is on 24 hrs so he isn't home yet )so we didn't make it to the Keys.. He is hoping to get out early so we can go to Miami Beach this afternoon.  I love that place, the mall is awesome and I always find something different and fun to purchase.  Got lots of Christmas presents there last time.  Maribel (DIL) and I are taking the baby to the pool in a bit. Yesterday, there was a shark attack ..some poor guy got bit on the calf..I was at the Coast Guard station having lunch with my son when the helicopter was called out.  I heard them telling the dispatcher they were in full CPR.  the guy didn't make it.  The crew came back so upset.  it was very sad. The kids are working on the house getting it ready for sale.  They hopefully will be moving in May..I don't envy the long drive from Miami to Washington D.C.  glad I am not making that trip, I may jus****ch the baby for them during that time..making the trip just a bit easier. Well I hear my baby girl crying..gonna go see what's up this morning..she is so cute..what a chunker!!

Sounds like you are having a good time!  I sent you an email, it came to me.   That's terrible about the shark attack.