vent,whine,complain so on-so on

OK here I go, it's rare you will see me post personal stuff on here other than the good of course...but here goes. Last week my mom had surgery so I have been spending the night with her in her room..fortunately they have internet service here but the couch isn't all as comfortable as they say..Anyway, here I am very old and worn out sleeping about 2 hrs a night on the couch with nurses coming in every hour on the hour..I just wanna say, ."please just leave us alone and let us sleep!!!"  but I can't..because I work with these guys and every time I open my mouth they give me a hard time..lol   When I do leave here it's to see my beautiful new grandson who is now 2 wks old..what a doll baby!! anyway, yesterday after noon there I sit doing nothing bu****ching TV and minding my own business- when one of the nurses came in to drag me to exercise class...I said WHAT!?!?!  I am not exercising I am tired I worked today..but oooo she didn't care..I ended up doing jazzercise..I figure, ok,  fine i am here I can keep up with these girls, I mean I do exercise from time to time..well, about half way through I thought they were going to have to call a code...I wasn't wheezing my friends..I was gasping!!!!  Of course you would know that one of the respiratory therapist (RT)was in the class...so I hung in there..I could barely walk when I was done and then they said..hey, lets take the stairs..I said whoaaaa...enough is enough..I caught the elevator..today I had to work with these folks...do you think my sore body got any sympathy?? ooooo nooooooo...I was made fun of all day as the RT thought she was being cute and brought me a portable oxygen tank to my desk...NOT FUNNY..ok maybe it was..lol Then my moms pulmonologist got into the act and wrote me fake perscriptions for all kinds of breathing equipment.....good thing I was in a good mood today..oh my gosh! now the bad part is they want me to go again on Friday!!!!! OMG they are trying to kill me..I thought I was exercising just by watching the tapes.(I love those things I could sit and watch those guys work out all day as long as I don't have to get up and do it..lol)   I hope Dr. Sonnanstine doesn't see this as he thinks I exercise do don't tell him! so there is a moral to this story...if you are under my age,, and I assume most of you are...GET BUSY and exercise before you are old and worn out like me..lol. Well, one good note, my son called about an hour ago begging me to fly down this weekend then join them in KeyWest....he wants me there on Friday but I have to work and he has to fly on Monday..(he is a pilot)..soooo not sure we can work things out but I would LOVE to go..I don't have to be back at wor****il Wed..and I haven't seen my 4 month old grandaughter since Christmas..I bet she doesn't even remember me..;-(   OK this is the longest message I have typed in ages...but here is a question.. I want to ask all of you.. Are you exercising this winter?  what are you doing for activity??.... lets show some of the newbies what we are doing to stay compliant and get through this long cold winter without going crazy!!! Happy exercising!! Brenda

I am sorry to hear about your mom, I hope she is going to be ok.? What a hoot about you exercising........  I laughed while reading this,  I am dying just thinking of Jazzercise.  I know you are really active and I do know you work out.  but again I know it's hard to do this in the winter.  Do you still ride horses? And I have one question,  "Can I go to Key West tooooo?"    Please....Please...let me go.  lol

Wow what a surprise to you here!!!!   I do try to be active but often times I crawl in a shell and back into the agoraphobic mode which I have done for awhile now off and on since my dad passed away..this last 3 months have been the worst!..but I am facing it..dealing with it..now with time and hard work I am gonna fix it!!! I do ride when the weather is nice, it's to darn cold even in an arena... I haven' t heard from my son today..he was going to see if he can take a leave until Tues and fly me down on Sat...hubby won't go, no one to take care of the horses since Noel has the newborn. Call me some time..would love to talk to you!!

Hey Brenda....  I *promise*  I won't say a word to Dr. Tom about you not exercising....depending on what's in it for me!!   Too funny, though!   I know I haven't been nearly as compliant with my exercise regime since Christmas as I should be.  Go figure....I've been a little busy since I met Greg.  But that's not an excuse.  It's up to me to make the commitment to myself to exercise.  No one is going to do it for me....unfortunately!  

The way I prefer to exercise is at home to different DVD's.  I like Leslie Sansone's Walk Away the Pounds series of videos.  She has many different videos with different intensity levels.  They're fun and lively.   I've tried Billy Blanks Tae-bo.  I like it....but since I've very uncoordinated, well, I spent a lot of time trying not to fall on my butt rather than actually exercising!!  I know a lot of people prefer going to gyms....but that's just not my style.  A personal preference.  I know that if I have a chance to say "I forgot to go" or "I don't have time to go" or any excuse at all....then I won't go.  Plus, I'm vain enough that I'd worry the whole time I was there about how my hair looked, whether or not I had a wedgie, etc.  At home....my DVD player is always there ready to go so I have no excuses and it doesn't matter what I look like since it's just me.  

Anyway...just my 2 cents worth!

Hey Chris...any type of activity is important..look at it this way, before surgery how often did you go to the mall?  How often did you play with the nieces and nephews?...How often did you get out at all? Increasing your activity is so important.  I ask myself after surgery what damage could I have done to my lungs and heart by being over weight and what can I do to correct things?....so I started taking walks ( in a cemetary, alone, it was a little spooky actually lol ) then later working out in a gym (my daughter forced me)...I would go at 3pm when not many were there using equipment that was easy and light weight..then worked up to more.  I am not the in class kind of person..so this was a big deal for me to jazzercize and I wasn't comfortable there at all..but it got fun as we went along.. because I realized how many uncoordinated people there are in the world besides me..lol Just make attempts to do things like park further away in the shopping center..get out of the house and be active at something..does't have to be at the gym or an exercise class.  Emotionally healing is just as important..I will never forget Dr. Sonnanstine said to me more than once when I was going through my plastic surgery complicatons.  "Brenda, I can't heal you physically if you aren't healing emotionally"...wow how true that is.  It's not just about complication but every day life.  Pay attention to your symptoms like depression and what makes you over eat or graze..then deal with it...it's not easy as I am going through that right now...Even after nearly 5 yrs. I go through depression...I keep hearing the TV commercial.."depression hurts"...wow how true.  So back on the road to healing for me...it's been a difficult year losing my dad and now mom being ill...it's on me to take care of things..and they all depend on me to be the strong one..if only they knew!!! I think it's important that people understand we all go through bad and difficult times..I go to counseling (thank god)..I see my eating disorder as an addiction..when an alcoholic or drug addict falls apart every one feels sorry for them ...they fall off the wagon and we want to help them heal, as we should....but for some reason eating addictions aren't viewed as important or serious..I beg to differ...my addiction is very real, very painful and cost me a great deal.. whoaaa I went way off track...I am here at work taking a break so I am gonna get back and busy.. Have a wonderful day Brenda

Oh, Brenda you are so open and candid about your life when it comes to this.  I cried reading the post about your depression, I suppose many of us feel it but how to convince others around us it's real?  My family blows it off as if I am being silly, they don't understand.

Ok, I am on a legal break now and not sneaking..it's lunch time and I am in mom's room but she went down for xray..anyway.. The thing about it is this..Don't worry about what others think or feel..for the first time in your life be selfish and take action.  Be agressive about your health and be your own advocate.   I suggested to other people and one in particular to go see Dr. Sonnanstine, but she didn't want to do it..finally she agreed..if I went with her..I know the doc very well and predicted how he would handle things..he is very open and very kind hearted when someone is hurting..He did most of the talking as she was very quiet...but I can tell you she is a changed person..Not that he did anything to change her really..I think it was more her facing the problem them sharing it with someone else..especially someone like Dr. Sonnanstine who is respected and looked up to.   If you feel you are going through something like this then call his office, make an appt with him..tell him how you feel and what you are going through, maybe he can give you somthing for the depression..perhaps suggest counseling which is what I highly recommend..again having someone to face up to is really important. I do go to counseling and that's nothing I am ashamed of..but often times I can get around her as well..as long as I have gone through this down slide I never told her..I would say things were great and only talked about the good things, like grandkids,etc..etc.  last week however, she caught on to me as she said...every conversation we had the last few months have been like a recording..  So she probed....then she ask me the one biggy..how often do  you leave your house and how often do you do it alone?  how difficult is it for you to work?...I don't mind my job I meet tons of people I enjoy..but each night before I would almost be in tears because I had to go to work...I am very involved in a local church but stopped going and stopped communicating with those I got close to there...I also dropped classes I started last fall and haven't picked them back up..The one thing I enjoy so much is attending Dr. Tom's video night but I haven't been there since Oct...this just ain't normal...as she said..she is so funny.. so off we go into serious counseling again..longer session and more often...It was actually clear to me when I realized I loved holding my grandson ..when I look at him esp with his eyes open and he just stares as I talk..what love..what unquestionable love... But, I had a hard time going out of my way to see him..I would call every day to check on them...first week I was to sick with the flu..second week I saw him one time and used being sick as an excuse..last week I put a little more effort..but only saw him a few minutes and haven't seen him since Sunday this week, they only live a few mins away... I am telling you this because there are signs we have that should tell us loud and clear something is wrong...listen to your mind, body and soul..be aware of what's going on ... again don't worry about family...do this for you..My husband has such a hard time with me going to counseling to this day, ..after 3 yrs I rarely tell him when I am going...this isn't about him..this is about ME!!!!.... call me and lets meet for lunch..we can talk more. Brenda

Okay folks.....I'm the one Brenda was talking about when she said she suggested one person in particular go see Dr. Sonnanstine last fall.  I was very reluctant to go...but eventually she did make me realize that I needed help.  There's nothing to be ashamed of in asking for help.    I was in a place where my life had changed so much so quickly that I didn't know how to handle everything.  My family was treating me in a way I didn't expect or like, I was getting attention from strangers that I'd never experienced before,  my life as I knew it was completely different.  I felt like I was going in a thousand different directions at once.  My work was suffering, my friendships were suffereing, my home life was suffering and most importantly....I was suffering.    I tried to hide it from everyone but Brenda saw through and tried several times to talk to me about it but I always told her I was fine or I'd listen and then do nothing about it.  Finally I was in a place emotionally that I was ready to hear her....and she gently suggested that I contact Dr. Sonnanstine and ask to talk to him about what was going on with me.  I didn't want to.  Not because I was afraid of him or didn't want to talk to him....but because I didn't him to think I was a failure.  I couldn't have been more wrong.   I was very quiet during the visit while Dr. Sonnanstine did most of the talking.  He reassured me that I wasn't the only one that goes through this.  And as Brenda said....it was a matter of facing the problem by sharing with Dr. Sonnanstine that helped me so much.  It didn't cure my problems.....but it helped me to see that I'm not alone, there is a way to deal with everything.  I just had to admit to myself that I had a problem and then ask for help.  It's asking for help that's so hard for me.    I'm in a much better place now emotionally than I was last fall when I sat with my arms folded, head down, teary-eyed and silent that afternoon in Dr. Sonnanstine's office as he spoke so kindly and compassionately to me.  I often wonder where I'd be now emotionally had I not had the push from Brenda to own up to how I was feeling and ask for help. 

Chris, thank you for sharing.  I am sure it wasn't easy for you. It sounds like you are doing wonderful now.

 

 

Brenda, you have been there for many of us,  obviously.   Realizing you struggle as well should not be a surprise, though it really is.  You have never turned down a call or an email.  We haven’t seen each other for awhile, yet I know you will be there if I need you.  You are an inspiration to us all.   If there is anything I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to ask.  I left you a voice mail.  Would love to meet for lunch!

 

Thanks Kit...I only brought this whole thing up because I have been emailing and messaging with a lot of folks who seem to be going through a difficult time..I thnk the winter doesn't help matters..I know it seems to get worse for me during these long cold days without sunshine...But if all goes well I will be in Key West Saturday....My son is still trying to get out of duty on Sunday.  He is scheduled to fly but hopefully he can get someone else to take it. See ya later