hows it going

well im still workin on the weight -- im down 228lbs im 340-- thats the good thing lol--- is it me or do others feel differently about their lives now that the weight has started to come off?? this has put a STRAIN on my marriage and i cant help myself -- ive been talkin to another woman and no ones to blame but me and i accept the blame but i cant help how i feel inside and theres summin there now that wasnt b4 the surgery??????--i feel like a different person now and ppl tell me i do act differently--- i stay tore up inside nowa days ,ive read on other forums and other sites that this happens to others??IM LOST

Hi My name is Vickie, i want you to no that your not in this alone. I have been accused from my family that im a **** i have changed,i am not the old Vickie blah blah blah............there damn right im not the old Vickie!!!! I am not 260lbs no more, i dont eat all day long,my life does not revovle around food. I am a 128lb hot momma. I get out and live unlike before. Yes i was not aware of people that i thought was my support to turn there backs on me and hate me. I love me and me and my hubby have been together since i was in grade school. This surgery did change somethings but were still together. But after all i had a good marriage before weight loss surgery. I tell ya what i let my family run me down to 108lbs and i was on lorizpam,klonapin,and effexor. So my advice would be get help if you need it. You still are the same person,but in there eyes you have changed. I did change a little. I dress a little ****y when i go out but i have earned it, You have earned this and enjoy yourlife. We are not promised tommorow........................and this is what i live by......................YOU DONT HAVE TO LIKE ME .............I DONT LIVE TO PLEASE YOU ANYWAYS. So take your life one day at a time and the lord will work it out. Sorry  the post is so long but i needed this today. You take care and dont get to skinny lol. You look great!!!!                                                   Vickie

Wow that's a tremendous amount of weight to lose so quick. Your my hero! I have just started my journey (surgery 8/27) but already I feel differently. I think you start to gain confidence and that can be good or bad. I think the thing you have to think of is this woman may give your ego a stroking but your wife has been there through your good and bad, big and small. If you love her then you will figure it out. Also, maybe your wife needs to talk to someone and then you all can talk to someone together. For her it's probably like losing her old husband and getting someone new. It has to be hard being on the other side. Just be honest with yourself and you can work through it. Well that's all my social work for the day since I am off the clock and this is so long. Take care!

I am so sorry that you are having a hard time. First, please take a deep breath and don't try to build Rome in one day. Then when your mind is a little more clear write  out how you really feel about everything. You can destroy this after you read it. Think about how your journey has taken you to new and scarey places. Try to remember what made you fall in love with your wife and look for those things. Be honest about the woman you are talking to. You have to be happy with you and your life. Don't only look at today but remember that tomorrow can bring so many changes.. Seek help and marriage therapy if your wife is willing. You eserve to celebrate and live life. Just please don't lose those who stood by you while doing so. Now if your wife is really not there for you let her know. You need to be around positive people doing positive things. Could your wife maybe feel insecure since you are looking so hot and getting so much attention from other women? Just a thought. I will keep you and your marriage in my prayers.Love & God  bless, Gerri

Okay, you are not going to like what I am going to say, I'm sure.  But I've been where your wife is going to be at, and you posted your comment for responses, and that's what I'm doing, responding! This may be long or short, depending on what I share.  When I started this journey, my husband and I were BOTH going to do the surgery.  This past summer I noticed small things with my husband, and each time I prompted him for a decision he would say he didn't know, etc. He was spending time with "friends" on Saturdays that he hadn't done before.  I am SO stupid, I swear.  To make a long story short, he had been talking to another woman from his old employer-SINCE APRIL.  Then he had visited her "a couple of times".  I thought, and still think, he is the love of my life, and after a long road we are back on the right track.  He fully supports me, he always has.  We had been taking each other for granted, and we'd only been married 4 years. I don't know how long you've been married, but you took a vow before God.  Ask yourself this-is this other woman truly worth losing your wife?  What made you fall in love with your wife? What is this woman doing differently?  Have you talked to your wife?  We are NOT mind readers, and if your wife asks you "is something wrong?"-"is something going on", "what's wrong"-this means she KNOWS there is something you need to talk about, but has no idea what it is unless you TELL HER. I've been cheated on twice in two marriages, and I think anyone that does it - well, you really don't want to know what I think about that.  My first husband it didn't bother me because I did not love him, we just make much better friends and we know that now.  My second husband-this has broken my heart and almost broke my spirit, but we are healing, and I am forgiving. But trust is hard now.  So grow up, be a man, and make a DECISION. Don't drag this out, and TALK TO YOUR WIFE. Just my two cents. Good luck.

well like u said u dont know me really and ive been with my wife for 20 YEARS and we had problems b4 the surgery---without going off ill just say i think ppl grow apart -ive talked to her til im blue and thats the truth and she knows that ive been talkin to another woman--ive seen on this site and others and heard stories that alot of marriages go thru the same thing be it man or woman- which im sure alot of em already had problems b4 the WLS

I would guess the best thing for you to do then is maybe a separation?  For BOTH of you-maybe your wife is having the same feelings you are, and you both need time to figure out who/what you want?  I have a feeling I'm going to be going through the same emotions once my weight starts to come down.  Do I want to stay with a man that wasn't emotionally faithful to me, whom I have to practically beg for attention from now?  *shrugs* I don't know, to be honest.  I love him with all my heart-but I'm not going to continue to basically beg for attention from him, which is kind of what I feel like I've been doing.  We have been talking a lot, and I tell him over and over and over what *I* need, and I give him what he wants and needs, but it seems like it's all one sided and I'm about tired of it.  I am doing a lot of praying about it.  I will never cheat on my husband-I took vows.  But if I see that things aren't going to change, then I will do something about it BEFORE I start looking for someone else to turn to.  That's only fair to all those involved.  Good luck!