My time quickly approaches

I called yesterday and asked if we could move things up. What was I thnking? Anyway, I go Friday for EKG and EDG. I'll be watching nutrition vid because they won't have another nut. seminar until after my surgery if I want to have it first part of June. I'm trying to schedule around work, my b-day and our wedding anniversary. My tentative surgery date is JUNE *5*. I'm a wreck. WHEN I can NOT think about the bad things that can go wrong, I'm SO excited. You see, I'm 44. My father died of heart attack when he was 43. My baby sister (43 right now) has had several strokes. BUT, Daddy and my sis were heavy smokers. I've smoked a total of about 8 years in my whole life and that started at the ripe old age of 12. I smoked about 6 years in my very young age and then smoked for one year six years ago, quitting five years ago. I do not drink alcohol EVER! I do not do drugs and seldom even take prescription meds. I hope my heart is in good shape for this surgery. Somedays I cry at the drop of a hat now when no one's around. When they are, I try to control myself a little more. I figure if I feel the urge to cry and I'm alone, why not? It will relieve the stress a little and if the tears are there, they should probably come out. My husband's off work for the next few days and I'm SO glad. There are some things I want to get done before my surgery. Although... I did ask him to go fishing with my daughter and her five-year old. They LOVE to fish and so does he. I wanted some time completely alone to pray and do some housework and think and just be quiet. I talked with two of my brothers last night and had such a nice talk. Some things got said to one that I needed to tell him. Unfortunately, I also found out that he is now a cocaine addict. His wife left him after she became an addict over a year ago and he just can't deal with the pain and is now using as well. I'm so worried about him. He's had a horrible life... I hope he gets off the drugs and finds someone deserving of his love. I talked to Mom this a.m. and told her how I want things if I should die. She has no clue about my surgery. She was talking about HER last wishes and thinks I talked about mine because we were on the subject. I will be writing it down in a letter to her and will write a letter to each of my children and my husband, putting them in my Bible and giving it to Mom for the "just in case". She will know to look inside in the event of my death. This will insure my children will AWAYS have a home. That is my second biggest concern. Did I mention my surgery is June 5th, if nothing happens? I'm going to go do some more laundry now and housecleaning so I don't just rattle off in here to you all. I tend to "talk" a LOT when I'm nervous and "spill my guts" so to speak. Gale

Oh honey, u r going to be fine!!! Don't u worry about it! Being scared and nervous is normal but u will do just fine! Hugs Ange