I miss it here, whats been up with me.

I haven't really been around in a while til recently and some of that is because I've been sooo down and out. Things have been a constant struggle emotionally and that has been tougher than any of the physical challenges over the past couple years. When I get depressed I tend to isolate and push people out of my life in any way that I can and so I quit going to support groups, quit logging in or replying, asking for support, etc. I essentially just go into my own little shell and hide. It's a negative coping mechanism that I've struggled with forever. 

Now I've been in some deep therapy and doing a little better I'd like to come back and rejoin you guys. It's been a long road but I'm digging out of my hole little by little. I'm actually going to support group tonight for the first time in months and I really need to. 

I'm really struggling with my eating issues. I have no desire to eat whatsoever. I've some how managed to gain 5 lbs and I have no clue how. I'm really struggling with the Bulimia behaviors again especially since I have seen the scale go up (it's water fluctuation I'm sure but it's still scary). I did really good for about a month as far as not purging but the past few months I've kind of relapsed.  This is something else my therapist and I have been working on but it's very tough. I've also been working with the dietitians and Drs office about things. We tried to get me into an inpatient eating disorder clinic but our insurance just won't cover it and we don't have that kind of money. The clinic was telling me they have a huge client base of WLS patients though. I never really thought about that but I guess changing one eating disorder for another isn't all that uncommon.
 
Overall I'd say therapy is helping but it's day by day, minute by minute. With the right medications and therapy I'm sure things will continue to improve and that is exciting. I'm ready to be able to see and actually enjoy my weight loss like everyone else seems to. I'm trying to have a more positive outlook and look at things in a brighter light than I have in the past. It's soo hard to do especially when I'm having a down day I just wanna curl up and hide.

I'm really looking forward to the upcoming events that I'm hopefully going to be attending and fellowshipping with everyone again.  I know I can't make the camp out but maybe the next clothing exchange and of course Edinburgh!! I'm going to really try to quit isolating soo much because I want to be a good friend and support to you guys here since I think I have some experience for the newbies and I can learn tons from the oldies. So anyways, I'm back and hopefully better than ever!!!! 

Hi Misty,

Good to hear from you. I'm glad you're making headway with your issues. I know it's hard work. You can do this.

Welcome back!  I didn't know you from before ... and have only been fortunate enough to know you for about a month now .... but I am so glad that things are looking up for you again.  I'll be praying for you!!!!

sorry to hear that  mistylynn, i am hear for u whenever u need anything, jina