My husband is totally against me having surgery.

Just wondering if anyone else has a spouse that is/was against them having surgery.  He thinks this is the dumbest thing I have ever wanted to do and he is NOT supporting me at all.  I have been married 16 years and plan on staying married many more but I am scared I may be pushing too hard for this.  I am planning on going through with it even without his support.  Has anyone else been in this situation and if so how did it work out?

This surgery is a true test for relationships.  Not just marriages.  Best friends, children, parents, co-workers... all of it.  I will be the first one to tell you, you have to do what is best for yourself and your health.  I have had a very hard time with some of my relationships.  I have a daughter that runs hot and cold on me at times.  Now that I am smaller than her... she is bitter and nasty at times.  But the other daughter loves that I am smaller than her.  I can't let that stop me from being who I am.

As for the husband thing... I cant even tell you the way that it has affected some of us.  If a man truly loves you for YOU, then he will be there and support you.  If he is shallow and insecure, you will see that he will walk away for someone who is big so he can feel secure again.  It has happened to several of us.  It is not something you can predict.  I thought it would never happen to me.  So, just know that you have to make this decision based on YOU and make it about YOU.

After 16 years, he has alot invested in your family and you would think that he would see how much happier and better you feel and be proud of you.  Only time will tell. 

I wish you all the best and hope you do whats best for yourself!

Huge hugs,
Tracy

I agree totally with all that Tracy said. In addition to that, I would advise that you make sure he goes to support meeting and the consult with you so that he has an opportunity to voice his specific concerns and ask his questions.

My husband was initially against me having weight loss surgery because a friend of his had the lap band, lost 100 lbs, had some medical issues & regained about 50 lb, then had the RNY...and kept regaining. He is now ~100 lb more than he began with. Prior to my having the surgery and while I was still in the 'talking about it' stage, we bought a bar a this friend was there alot to 'help' Bill out. No..it wasn't much of a help at all. But he did end up helping me without realizing it. He was around Bill during the day so Bill got to see first hand why his buddy was gaining so much weight. It was not because of the weight loss surgery...it was because of the M&M's and potato chips that he stuffed in his mouth all day long.

So...like my husband, your's may have a valid concern..and just needs to see the valid reason for it not to be a concern in your situation. If you are in the Indianapolis area..and if you & your husband would like an opportunity to ask questions of another couple who has been there/done that..let me know. We can meet for dinner if you'd like. I am going on 5 years post-op and have had several complications..Between Bill & I, we may be able t provide the insight to make you both feel more comfortable at coming to a unified decision..either for or against...having surgery. It is not a decision to be made lightly. And trust me, it is one that you want your spouse's support with going into it. BUT...as Tracy said, this is YOUR health and that should be the primary number one factor in the decision.

Sherri

My hubby was not ever pushing me to have surgery or anything.. he loved me just the way I was.. it was MY decision and even though I did the support groups basicly alone He was there for me when ever I needed him... He is happy for me but just doesnt voice it... he just isnt that type of person..

I did however "have it out" with a sister who thought I should just be satisfied with what I was... (she is still morbidly obease) and says she is proud of herself as she is. Fine.. I wasn't.

I am happy smaller than I was but wish I could have made it all the way to goal...I am not regaining just maintaining but so darn happy I am NOT where I was. After being there for everyone else.. I deserved something just for me.  As larger people we tend to give give give to others and sometimes I think they are afraid of what will happen if we actually get a life.

Linda Kay

Linda kay

Linda, noticed you are from Moorseville, wondering where you had your surgery?  I am going to St. Vincents' in Carmel.

Yep St V Carmel... the hospital for bariatrics in MY opinion... Good people there that normally understand and an entire floor just for us!!

Linda Kay

While I agree with the others that you need to do what you need to do, I also believe that without a strong support system this is a very difficult road. My husband was initially opposed, but changed his tune after our consultation and talking more about it. Then I had some complications and he has said a few times over that he wishes I hadn't done the surgery. But even now, he is my biggest cheerleader. He rejoices with every pound lost and tells me daily how good I look. I do worry a bit because he is heavier (though not morbidly obese) and tells me daily he wishes he could lose weight like me.

I think you have to have a supportive person in your life because it will only be more difficult if you have someone tempting you with foods you shouldn't eat. Good luck and I hope your husband sees what a great thing this would be for you. If nothing else, let him read these boards!