MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS JUST DON'T GET IT...................

Kathy,
I just want to say that you are an inspiration to those of us just starting out on our journey.  You've done the right things, changed your behavior and continue to work the program like a pro. I hope to be as successful  as you one day!

You know the good things your done for yourself and your health, it's unfortunate your family can't celebrate that with you.  But you know your OH family will!

I saw my family last weekend and one of my brothers said to me "I don't think you should have had it done, but it's your life."  I was like, what? He thought there were other things I could do: eat less and walk more.     I was stunned.  I had many thing I WANTED to say, such as "you're an idiot" or " and how's your gambling problem going?"  but I didnt.    This is my decision, my life, my body and my hard work.  I won't let anyone get under my skin when they stand in judgement and haven't walked in my shoes.   It hard and it hurts but we have to let it roll off.

You'll get out of your rut. This group won't let you stay in it too long.   Chin up!  You're beautiful!

Kathy

Thanks for your comments and support.  Sometimes we all need to hear from others that we are doing great in our journey and it think it is more invaluable now that I'm so far out from surgery. 

Once you're out of that honeymoon phase of the journey and you get down to the nitty gritty of everyday life and its challenges, it means alot to know you are all here to give me the boost that I need.....and the kick in the rear when I need that too.   No one understands better than our fellow OH brothers and sisters.  You all are awesome.

I love my family and I've tried really hard to accept the fact that I can only change myself, I can't change anybody else. But when  I feel like they hold me to a higher standard.....I "attempt" to try to be too perfect and feel defeated because we all know that none of us can be perfect.  Darn that perfectionism anyway.  



 

I'm starting to understand how everyone feels and if I could take it back I'd probably not tell anyone that I'm going to have this surgery.  I got my approval Friday and I'm so excited! 

Last month my Aunt and I were going out and had planned on meeting at the hotel so I got there first showered and relaxed while I was waiting on her.  I was feeling pretty good about the day  because it was my last apt with the doc before my surgery would be submitted and I was down in weight so it was like finally there was a light at the end of the tunnel, I was really getting there!  Then she walks in and before she says "HI" she says "O my god you've gained more weight!"  I was shocked and stood there staring at here trying to think of a way to come back from that.  What I wanted to say was "are you sure that you don't want to fix and try that all over again?".  I didn't I let her know that she hurt my feelings and always did when she so rudely talked about my weight and I kinda half was listened to her apologize for about 30 minutes then told her to get over it and not to say another word about it the rest of the night.  I was crushed but all i could think was that if she wasn't drinking her life away in a stupor of drugs and serious depression maybe she would she how hurtful she is.  She's the only woman in my family that doesn't have a weight problem and she is proud of that but refuses to see that she's the only alcoholic woman as well.  For 23 years I've fought my weight and that's a long fight for a 31 year old, finally I get to really do something about it and the only people happy about it are my son and my grandfather.  Even my mom doesn't want me to do this because for the first time in 20 years her butt is smaller than mine and that can only mean that I'm not trying hard enough.  I really don't want to get to the point of being nasty but I feel that I'm close.  How to you find a way to deal with all the negative people?

Hi Kat, I just got to say I looked at the picture you reference (black dress, couch, etc) and I have this to say: YOU ARE ONE HOT MAMA !!!!!  Not only me but my wife says you look awesome too.  I would tell you not to worry about what they say, but I too know it's not that easy.  I have been obese most of my life and heard about every fat joke or comment people can throw at you and sometimes the stabs and the salt go deeper than other times.  Those times are the ones I'm trying to use as fuel for this journey along with a few other things but ......

I'm not sure but I would think deep down that you may just be therapy for them.  They see you and want it, there just scared, and maybe not, but maybe, and their personal attacks on you make them feel better about themselves.  Bottom line no matter what it is not right and family should support each other, but it's not a perfect world.  But Kat, you have us and everyone else that's supports you away from "OH" and that is all you need.  Your dad's situation brought you around those comments (and I know you would do it all over again for your daddy, even knowing what's in store), so now you can rid the air lets say of all the ridicule and venting is a good way.  Please just know that all that work day, after day, month, after month, year, after year has paid off.  You are a great person, you look wonderful, your healthier, and you can do things that you were never able to do before all the hard work, don't ever forget that !!!!!!

Jamie

Hi Jamie,
     You made my dad, Jamie, calling me One Hot Mama.  My son said that to me too, a couple years ago.  Its hard to wrap my mind around that kind of compliment.  Thank your wife for me too. 
   You're right, I would drop everything and go back to Ohio to be there for my parents whenever the need arises.  But 5 weeks away from home is a long time and I really have come quite accustome to making my own decisions (which I didn't have the backbone to do until I had WLS) and living on my own.  It 's been 12 years now and I love my new found freedom to not have to do what mom and dad says, or ex husband.  I now have an identity that is all my own and I like getting to know me. 
     I thank God that my daddy is doing so much better now.  It could have turned out so much worse for him.  I know he'll continue to recover from this. 
     Thanks for reminding me of how far I have come.  It's hard to believe that it's been almost 9 years.  Time really does go faster than we think. 
      I want to say that all of you inspire me every bit as much as you all say that I inspire you.  We all learn from each other and I sure don't know everything there is to know about WLS, changing eating habits, and maintaining weight loss. Fresh, new ideas from you guys instead of how us old geezers do things!   I'm learning along with all the rest of you.  We are all part of a team and everyone on the team works hard to become better and better at what we do.  It is our "practice sessions" that make us united during the game.  
     Congratulations on your weight loss since May 6 that I read about.  You are doing awesome. 

Hugs and Blessings,
Kat

Remember that you "allow" them to make you feel like you are feeling.  They are used to the way that you were for years.  They don't understand the struggles that you go through every day just to maintain what you have accomplished.  Keep in mind that this is your family and that they love you.  Whether we like it or not we have changed not just physically but in all other aspects of our lives.  You said that you are now wearing things that you would never have worn before WLS.  Why?  They make things in "big girl sizes".  We "allow" family, friends and society to tell us what is appropriate and what is not.  Why do we do that? When we were MO we allowed our physical appearance to define us and our worth as human beings.  We continue to allow our appearance to define us.  It is a crazy, mixed up world,  but life is goodand God is good. 
Love your family for what they are, not what you want them to be.  I recently lost a young family member and this is something that this horrible experience taught me.

All that being said,  you look awesome.

 

 

Thanks Kim for what you said.  I have been angry with myself because "I allowed" their comments to get to me.  And now it's my choice to move on from it.   I'm pulling out of my rut now and getting my attitude back in check.  I am focusing on the positive things and all my family has done for me.  I've missed my church very much and am looking forward to being there again this week-end.  God always put things into perspective for me.

Thanks to all of you for your responses, your honesty, and understanding.

Kat

Hi-

I just clicked through your profile and noticed this caption:

"I'm hot, I'm tired, I hurt everywhere, I don't feel good, and I don't like people taking pictures of me. Sound Familiar?"

When the naysayers in your family get to you, spend a moment with that photo and caption and remind yourself why what they say doesn't have to bother you!