Being Thankful

As I logged on to my computer this morning.  The usual pain in my leg making me wince at the slightest movement.  I sat looking at the screen wondering what day it is.  Literally.... I could not remember if it was Tuesday, Sunday or what.  I had to look on my cell phone to see it was Monday.  This is my life now.  My pain and my mind are my worst enemy.  I am not 80 years old. I am 44 years young!! My hopes and faith are waning.  I am not seeing the positive. The doctors don't know what to do with my pain. Except to drug me up and I sit in my recliner like a vegetable.  This isn't where I expected to be in my life right now.  I am on disability from my job as a training coordinator. I have been off work since 2-25-2008. So money is tight.  My daughter is graduating this month and there were so many things I wanted to do for her.  Now only being able to do something basic.  She deserves so much more. I can't be away from home much or long because when the pain gets too severe I have panic attacks. I can't stand being away from home worried that I will have that pain away from home. Some of my coworkers took it upon themselves to tell the disability company that I don't look sick.  Well I have lost 113lbs so I do look better. But my disability is one that you cant see.  No one can see the pain I have or deal with 24/7.  So many people that will go out of their way to cause more problems for people that already have enough problems.
I had so looked forward to having the lapRNY.  I remember being so excited. I researched it for 2 years before I attended a seminar. The wheels were set in motion.  I am on of the lucky ones whose insurance not only covered the surgery but covered it 100%.  How cool is that?  Then a I wa**** with a bump in the road being diagnosed with a larger tumor in my pelvis and then having a complete hysterectomy.  Leaving the hospital crippled from an injury during surgery. That leaves me with foot drop, chronic pain, hypersensitivity and the ability to fall at the drop of a hat! I walk with a can and a brace now. Neither helps me from falling. I have acquired new injuries due to the falling. Herniated disc in my neck and back problems.  But I sit here trying to get a handle on the good.   The positive.
I read these posts on here.  I see the stupid little disagreements.  I get really saddened when I see these things going on. Calling people names, thinking its funny to be blocked.  I come here to support my fellow OH-ers.  Through good through bad.  And everything in between.
There is no question that is silly or not worth asking. I remember being on here when I first joined. I was so impressed.  But some of the personalities on here made me shy away. Some just don't understand how they come off on here and that is scary to new people. 
I love that I can ask a question and know that someone further out will have a answer for me or at least be able to guide me to someone who does.
I adore the veterans who have been there and have helped shape a great board.  I have so much love and support for all the newbies who are searching for answers or just someone to listen to them. 
So for today I am choosing to be thankful.  Thankful for my surgeon Dr Cooper who performed my surgery with skill and no complications.  I am thankful for all my friends and new friends I have yet to make on this board.
I was feeling really down and needed an outlet.  I picked up my Joyce Meyer book and read a few chapters. 
TODAY I CHOOSE TO BE THANKFUL. I choose to find the good in others.  I choose to look for the rainbow behind the clouds.  I choose to smile.  I choose to share with others.  I choose to be a part of something that is a privilege, our OH Indiana board.   What will you choose today?

 I am applauding not only your accomplishments on your weight loss but your ability to be thankful when times are tough.  Congratulations on the graduation of your daughter!!  That is a huge accomplishment for both of you.  I'm guessing that you are the only one worrying about what you can give her.....  I bet she is just thankful that she has a mother who is so proud of her and is there for her physically, mentally and spiritually.  Your positive attitude with be so much more helpful to her in the next few years.  She will see her mother still being positive and being thankful even though things are tough.  You can do so many things for her that will not be financially draining and I bet will make you feel better mentally.  Get on the Internet and start researching...  I bet you will find some great ideas that don't cost a lot of money.  How about a video or scrapbook.......... What about writing a story about her life.  Write down things that she would want to tell her own children.  Write down how you feel about her and how proud you are of the young woman that she has become.  Just some thoughts.  I hope that you are able to find out and work on your pain issue.  I can't imagine being home bound.  Keep up the positive attitude.....

Blessings to you and your family.

Kim

Kim,

Thank you.  You gave me some fabulous ideas on things I can do for Olivia. I appreciate you taking the time to comment/post.  Means a lot to me that you responded and really came up with some great ideas for her graduation gifts.

Let me know what you come up with.  I can't wait for you to see her reaction to what you give her.  I know that it will be great.

Hey babydoll!

Words can not express how uplifting you are to me! So all I can say is...I love you! adore you! and so glad you are in my life! you understand so much I go thru and I enjoy our talks/texts :) you have brightened my life many times when I was at a low....so thankful is an amazing word....I too am thankful.....thankful God has kept me around another day with my babies....thankful for my struggles in life because they have made me stronger and even thou I may not think I can handle a situation I actually sail through it! Thankful for the love and support that so many give....and so thankful I have wonderful amazing people in my life like you !

love ya
huge hugs
Kim

Kim

You are in my thoughts a prayers girlie!!  I feel so useless sometimes being disabled now.  But being there for others is something I enjoy and helps me feel needed.
Thanks for taking time to respond.

Leah
Sweetie i miss seeing you.
You are such a lovely person and i hate to see you going through all of this and you know i am here if you need me,doesnt it make you mad that people cant mind their own business some times.
You know sweetie for what you have been through you are doing amazing  and you are always positive.You always have kind words and good things to say.So please post when you feel like it because i love reading them and as you know we cant always make everybody happy so it isnt worth trying just be who you are cause i love you that way and so do others.Leah please know that we are all still learning so all posts are important and some personalities are stronger than others and dont let that keep you from the board at all .I love you sweetie.
huggs and much love

LIsa

I miss seeing you too woman!  I bet you are looking soooooo different.  You may have to hit me over the head if I don't recognize you.
I have a soft heart and am easily hurt. That is one of my down falls. I believe the best in everyone only to be disappointed sometimes. But tis life huh?
I need to learn to toughen my skin up some.
It just saddens me that people can't get along on a support group site.  I find that really sad.

hug from me to you!!

What a great attitude!! Today I choose to be grateful!! My sister is in hospice waiting to die of lung cancer/ brain cancer/ bone cancer, and where ever else it has popped up.  Today she wants to go shopping for the nightgown she will wear during visitation...How could I object to such a worthwile trip...?

My husband has had 5 spinal surgeries.. the 5th was because he devloped dropfoot!! That was the only reason they went back into his back that 5th time... then they cut 2 nerves that went down his left leg and left him in constant pain and the abiity to fall if his leg isnt locked... sigh... just letting you know... I know your pain...and I am so sorry you are going thru this.

As for your support group thoughts.. yep there have been some wonderful people to talk to get ideas from and learn from but there have also been some comments that probably never should have been made or responded to.. but thats life... we just have to choose this day who we will respond to and let the others go their own way. Good Golly... if I were perfect... I wouldnt be on a support group online board!!

Linda Kay

Linda Kay...

Wow how do Ieven begin to imagine how heavy your heart must be.  God truly is shining his light of faith and hope through you.  I love reading your posts and you and your family are always in my prayers. 
Spending this precious time with your sister I am sure means so much more that words can say.
Thank you for responding.
God love your heart Linda Kay!