Our hearts are broken, our faith remains strong-it is all we have!

.Our Dear Friends,
   This was a beautiful  & sad day- we went to church as a family & rededicated ourselves to the Lord. We go to a contemporary service at Lebanon Christian Church.Our faith has been challenged & we do ask WHY!!!! Our pastor said it is OK to ask- Jesus did when he went to Gethsemane & the cross. That is so comforting to me/us. It was a different Easter for us- we spent it with my SIl family & together making a special cross to put at Nick's grave.We cry, we scream, we laugh, we are holding up each other as best we can. My daughter & SIl have 5 more children to raise- this is the twins brother.
  Dana's sister /my SIl died after a long hard battle, & Nick was there & saw her pass. He was so broken hearted as are we all. Then his heart was just too good & he was so tortured -ever since his girl was attacked,raped, & nearly killed- he just couldn't get past it.Then to see his favorite aunt pass, & then be told that "someone said he was going to be checked for the crime" HUH????? & she wanted to break up again- they have been together off /on for 6 yrs.  She may never be the same & is blaming herself. We DON'T  blame her- we love her & know it was just as much to bear for him.. Our hearts have been ripped apart- I am holding on only by the grace of God. 
   We have been pouring out our hearts to God, for mercy & strength. Our daughter & SIL are barely holding it together- our grandsons have run off to the graveyard several times- they were best buddies. Nick left no note, nothing- We had been with him all day/night till 4:30 am. & thought he was fine. He called our daughter at 7:45am. distraught & it happened -he was pronounced dead at 9am. Our SIL from Minn. found him, then daughter, me & Dana- we are all a mess. What more could be said- what more could we have done- he seemed fine, he seemed, to be doing better, but his mind was so tortured by what had happened to all of his & his girls plans for their future.We HATE SUICIDE, WE HATE THE DEVIL, WE HATE WHOEVER DID THIS CRIME TO BRITT, but we don't hate God, or anyone . When he died we believe
GOD caught him in His arms & took him home, to heaven- no more tears, torment, pain !!! We believe this & cling to this & Him.His ways are not ours, they have a divine purpose. We only stand in His love moment by moment.  .
  Nick's wish was to be an organ donor & Amy honored his wish- someone received heart valves, someone received skin, someone received bone marrow to live on.
   Over 800 people came out for the showing & funeral. He had 2 firetrucks, ambulances, and EMT's escort him/us to his final resting place. The bagpipes were played & we all prayed the Lords prayer together. Our Amy gave out flowers to all of her children, us, his Nana, step Mom & Dad, & grandpa,& his girl Britt, then that night when we went out to the grave so she/we could see it, she has such a bad anxiety attack that we had the EMTs here at our house.again, I nearly had a panic attack myself. She signed to us her need of her anxiety meds. She hadn't taken them because she wanted to be alert for everything she wanted to do to honor Nick.Since then she is taking her meds. & we are going out nightly with her to his grave. She has finally slept well for the past 2 nights.  
 We ask that you keep us in your prayers. You might not see me on here often. I need to be with my family & support/care for them. We don't know if his ins. will come through & he left several things we will have to figure out how to pay( car, bills, no will, etc.). We ask for your prayers and thank you for them.
Remembering our Nick & God's Love,
Ellen

Ellen, You and your family remain in my prayers.  I love you dearly as you are my Momma since mine is in Heaven.  Please know I am here for you any time and in any way I can be!

Huge hugs and lots of love,
Tracy

Ellen, thanks for posting, I am sure it was hard to do but know we have all been thinking of you and your family and keeping you all in our prayers.

Prayers and thoughts will continue----Terry

Sweet sweet Ellen
As i read your post i thought about my conversation with my mil today,Neils nephew took his life in October no note no reason why they can only geuss but his parents are still questioning themselves and being of catholic faith we were afraid because of their beleif in sucide but the priest set their minds to rest,but Matts parents stay away from everyone its their way of dealing with it.
So Ellen i want you to know you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers and if i can do anything please let me know okay.
You are a very strong women Ellen and i wonna say i love you and i am  with you in spirit please give your daughter my condolances and i send you all my love sweetie.

You are loved.. hugs to you and the family.

Linda Kay

Ellen my heart breaks for you.  I am so sorry.

Jeannie

Ellen, I am so very sorry for your tremendous losses.  It's more than anyone should have to bear.

Stay strong and keep the faith.  I keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

When I see you next, there is a hug for you with my name on it.

Love you.

Ellen,
You have been a constant in my thoughts the past few days.  I am so sorry for what you are having to go through and the pain of your losses.  If there is anything I can do you know I'm just a phone call away my dear little sister.  I love you.
Julie

Ellen, there are no words, just please know I hold you and your entire family in my heart and prayers during this horribly difficult time!

Melissa

My Dear Ellen,
I am soo very sorry that this has happened to you and your family. I am praying for you and that God gives you the strenght. I have no words but to say I love you and I am so sorry i didn't make it to the funeral. I am having a rough time myself trying to deal with life in general. I love you big Sis and sending warm hugs.......Big warm hugs to Dana and Amy as well.