Relationships
I have been married for almost 24 years and my husband has been with me through lots of weight losses and gains. It has never seemed to bother him one way or another. We love each other more today then we did 24 years ago and it has nothing to do with my weight. My husband is not nor has he ever been overweight.
Just the other day hubby was looking through some old photos and he says to me "I never knew you were big but when I look at before and after pictures I can see it". I thought that was the sweetest most loveable thing he ever said. It also just goes to show you that we worry more of ourselves and what other people are thinking then what the really are.
My husband was scared for me to go through the surgery and to live life after surgery. I went to him with my hopes for having surgery armed to the gills with information to share with him. Once he knew I was serious and was set on having surgery he got on board and has been on board since. He even told me the other day how proud he was of me for making the decision to have surgery, and he didn't think he would be brave enough to make that decision.
I would remind you since your hubby is overweight that after surgery you will need to be a little sensative to his needs and feelings. Maybe you can descide to share your little milestones here with us or with a friend or family member so that hubby doesn't feel "left behind". My sis is obese and tends to be very resentful that I had surgery so I refrain from sharing any of my wow moments with her unless she asks. I don't want to seem as though I am bragging, I know how hard it is to be the "fat girl" left behind.
Jeannie
Just the other day hubby was looking through some old photos and he says to me "I never knew you were big but when I look at before and after pictures I can see it". I thought that was the sweetest most loveable thing he ever said. It also just goes to show you that we worry more of ourselves and what other people are thinking then what the really are.
My husband was scared for me to go through the surgery and to live life after surgery. I went to him with my hopes for having surgery armed to the gills with information to share with him. Once he knew I was serious and was set on having surgery he got on board and has been on board since. He even told me the other day how proud he was of me for making the decision to have surgery, and he didn't think he would be brave enough to make that decision.
I would remind you since your hubby is overweight that after surgery you will need to be a little sensative to his needs and feelings. Maybe you can descide to share your little milestones here with us or with a friend or family member so that hubby doesn't feel "left behind". My sis is obese and tends to be very resentful that I had surgery so I refrain from sharing any of my wow moments with her unless she asks. I don't want to seem as though I am bragging, I know how hard it is to be the "fat girl" left behind.
Jeannie
33 lbs lost prior to surgery!
Stacy,
As one of those couples going through the big "D" after surgery I have to say the surgery isn't always the reason for the divorce. My husband attended support groups with me, we to a couple of dr's appts with me and was supportive right up until the day of surgery. When it came time to do the walk after meals however it was my Mom who went with me. Dinner at the table became difficult for him because I was suffering through 2 oz servings and his plate was piled as usual. My first "melt down" at the table caused him to leave because he didn't know how to handle it...Mom just sat next to me and held my hand while I cried. After a 2 year wait and a LOT of support group meetings I thought I was prepared for anything.... LOL! I would do it all over again if I needed to.
Looking back Stacy there were issues and warning signs my marriage was in trouble but I chose to ignore it. He started to work late so he didn't have to eat with me...didn't want to deal with another melt down! LOL I am grateful to him though because I couldn't tolerate the pain meds and I discovered walking through the pain worked for me. Who do you think had the 3 am walk? He was up surfing the web anyway so he might as well walk his wife.
Take your husband to support groups with you, have dinner with Sherri and Bob, talk to your therapist BOTH of you if you need to. I found me a therapist to talk to when I realized I couldn't deal with my issues like I used to. Can't just eat a brownie because someone hurt my feelings now... guess I could try but I DON'T want to self-medicate with FOOD ANYMORE!
I can tell you the ones of us getting the big 'D' have other issues its not about the surgery - that's the final straw.
Huggs!
Frankie
As one of those couples going through the big "D" after surgery I have to say the surgery isn't always the reason for the divorce. My husband attended support groups with me, we to a couple of dr's appts with me and was supportive right up until the day of surgery. When it came time to do the walk after meals however it was my Mom who went with me. Dinner at the table became difficult for him because I was suffering through 2 oz servings and his plate was piled as usual. My first "melt down" at the table caused him to leave because he didn't know how to handle it...Mom just sat next to me and held my hand while I cried. After a 2 year wait and a LOT of support group meetings I thought I was prepared for anything.... LOL! I would do it all over again if I needed to.
Looking back Stacy there were issues and warning signs my marriage was in trouble but I chose to ignore it. He started to work late so he didn't have to eat with me...didn't want to deal with another melt down! LOL I am grateful to him though because I couldn't tolerate the pain meds and I discovered walking through the pain worked for me. Who do you think had the 3 am walk? He was up surfing the web anyway so he might as well walk his wife.
Take your husband to support groups with you, have dinner with Sherri and Bob, talk to your therapist BOTH of you if you need to. I found me a therapist to talk to when I realized I couldn't deal with my issues like I used to. Can't just eat a brownie because someone hurt my feelings now... guess I could try but I DON'T want to self-medicate with FOOD ANYMORE!
I can tell you the ones of us getting the big 'D' have other issues its not about the surgery - that's the final straw.
Huggs!
Frankie
338 286 160 175
highest wgt/ day of surgery/ current wgt / goal wgt
52 lbs lost before surgery!!
highest wgt/ day of surgery/ current wgt / goal wgt
52 lbs lost before surgery!!
I really believe it is a very individual thing with relationships. Just like how our bodies all handle our wls. So just know that if you and your husband have a great relationship now...it will probably stay that way. My husband says that I am getting boney... I am far from boney but he is used to me at almost 300 pounds too. He is a good man who meant his vows... better for worse... and I guess heavier to thinner too. I know he supports me and my decision to have this surgery.
There are people I have known who have gone a little crazy after losing a lot of weight via surgery. Some for the first time in their life or in a long time are attracting attention from the opposite sex. Some people just handle the attention differently. That is where I have heard or seen problems start. When they give up the food and put the new focus on attention seeking. Like having a mid-life crisis kind of phase, but due to the weight loss. And their new body image.
One thing I wanted to tell you though... I cook so differently now. My family is losing weight along with me (they are losing slower ofcourse but still losing). I don't buy the chips and the cookies... etc. So that kind of thing isn't in the house anymore. I cook different amounts too. I used to cook for an army when there are only 3 of us here!! Portion control was a huge factor with me. It was nothing for me to have 2nd or even a 3rd helping. So your hubby may find himself losing too just with the changes in your habits.
There are people I have known who have gone a little crazy after losing a lot of weight via surgery. Some for the first time in their life or in a long time are attracting attention from the opposite sex. Some people just handle the attention differently. That is where I have heard or seen problems start. When they give up the food and put the new focus on attention seeking. Like having a mid-life crisis kind of phase, but due to the weight loss. And their new body image.
One thing I wanted to tell you though... I cook so differently now. My family is losing weight along with me (they are losing slower ofcourse but still losing). I don't buy the chips and the cookies... etc. So that kind of thing isn't in the house anymore. I cook different amounts too. I used to cook for an army when there are only 3 of us here!! Portion control was a huge factor with me. It was nothing for me to have 2nd or even a 3rd helping. So your hubby may find himself losing too just with the changes in your habits.
Blessings to you all, Leah 
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