Relationships

One thing that I keep reading about with this surgery is the change in relationships.  I know of people who have gotten divorced after surgery, and that scares me.  I don't think it will happen to me as my husband is my best friend and has been since I was 13, but nobody ever thinks anything bad will happen to them.

Anyway, my biggest fear is that my husband is going to struggle with this change because he is also obese, but unfortunately doesn't have the insurance coverage that I do to have the surgery.  I want him to be healthy and I know he is supportive, but I don't want him to resent my ability to do this.  

Has anyone else had this experience, and what are the best ways to prepare for this??  If you have been through this, what do you wish you had know ahead of time??

Thanks all!!

Stacy,

   I am only 3 weeks out, so far from an expert, but I did want to say something.  I too was worried about the changes and how it would effect my relationship with my husband.  He is one of those guys who like bigger women.  He's often joked about being careful to not lose too much off the butt etc.  After we got home we talked and I realized my worried were silly.  My husband loves me for who I am, and he just wants me to be happy with myself, and healthy.  He has become my coach, my biggest supporter and we have become closer as a couple because of it.  Another advantage has also been that he sees me working so hard to get healthy, and him being about 50 lbs overweight, has started making some changes in his habits as well.  Maybe your haivng the surgery will inspire him and help him to lose some of the weight without surgery.  If your worries are great, sit down with him, talk to him, let him know what you are feeling and talk it out before you do anything.  That will be one less thing on your mind as you recover.

 

Good luck to you and your hubby both!!

I have already talked to him in depth about this.  I also attend therapy and plan to have him in a few sessions so that we can work through this with my therapist:)

I do hope that this will make him and my son to make an effort to be healthier.  My husband is 400lbs  and is diabetic with sleep apnea and is only 33.  My son is now 13, 6'1" and 250lbs, he is heading to being in the same position as his dad and I.

Stacy,

So many young couples think that if they could have a baby, it would save their marriage. Not so. If you have a bad relationship prior to having a baby, you're going to have a bad one after. The same things goes for weight loss surgery. Some relationships get better & better..others...well, they weren't exactly healthy relationships to begin with.

I would recomend BOTH of you to attend some support group meetings. If the two of you would like to have dinner sometime, let me know when & where (we live on the NE side..near Shadeland & 38th). Bill and I have met with other couples to where the wife was having WLS and the hubby wasn't. It helped the hubbies to be able to talk with my hubby...from a support spouse point of view.

Sherri

Thanks Sherri....I may take you up on that offer.

My husband went to the group informational meeting with me and will attend all appointments with me.  He is totally supportive, but I worry abouthim being jealous....

My husband has always been very supportive and protective of me.  He's become even more so since my surgery.  He attended the seminar with me, every support group meeting, and slept at the hospital in my room the entire time I was there.

I think Sherri's got it right - if you have a good relationship, it's not going to go downhill, but if you had problems before... well, this won't fix it.

My hubby uses this as a chance to diet himself to lose about 20 pounds - that's all he needs to lose.  I was about 230 when we got married.  He loved me then, he loved me when I gained 60 more pounds, and he's excited to see what I'll look like with 100 pounds off. 

He's also up for taste testing WLS friendly recipes, etc. 

Involve your husband in everything that's going on - he can lose weight too, even without surgery, if you are preparing WLS friendly meals.

Good luck!

You girls really are helping to reassure me.  We have an awesome relationship.  People who don't even know us comment on how much we compliment each other. 

I am really appreciating the comments and suggestions from all of you....Keep 'em coming!!

Remember this is your journey.  You are doing this for yourself.  You have the ability to control what you feel and do.  Your husband and others have the ability to control their emotions.
I have been through the journey 23 months ago.  I am a different person but my feelings  for friends and especially my wife are the same.
Some friends are not comfortable with the Emil they see.  I am blest that Becky sees me as the one that loves her.  She will start her journey tomorrow and I will be along for her ride.  I will support her through her journey.  It will not be mine but HERS.
Love with all your being.  Love in spite of bad times or misspoken thoughts.
If he does  show resentment work through it with help from the experts.  The Dr's and staff WANT TO BE THERE for you.
E

So far for me, my relationship has grown stronger with my husband. He has shown me more support and encouragement than he ever has. I think it varies from person to person, but if you're strong in your relationship and can talk things through, you should do ok.

I agree with what everyone else has said...if you have a strong relationship now, there is no reason to believe it will not stay that way. I've always been able to count on my husband, and that hasn't changed. If anything, I have come to appreciate him even more since my surgery.

Best of luck to you!

Jenny