You Know You Have Had WLS When.......
I saw this on the Main Board and thought some of you might get a kick out of it...
*"I have a date" does not mean you're going out.
*You have baby food in the house and no baby.
* "I'm a loser" is a good thing.
* All of your silverware says Gerber.
* A wooden spoon isn't just for cooking.
*"Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.
* New clothes fall off in a week.
* You get excited about hand me downs.
* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".
* Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing.
* "Jus****er for me please".
* Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.
* You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.
* When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.
* When you get excited that your incision was "only 4 inches".
* When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.
* Other women are calling you names behind your back.
* When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't
"belong there".
* When you really don't have a thing to wear.
* You have to prove you are the person on the drivers license.
* You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.
* You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeon's card.
* You are never parted from a bottle of water.
* When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.
* Being too small for your britches.
* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up,
position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.
* When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say
WOW you're mom is hot.
* When you go to the mall and take the first available space instead of
circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.
* You truly are a "cheap date".
* When one drink makes you flipping floozy!
* When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.
* You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.
* Vitamins feel like a meal.
* You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast
reduction.
* You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did
you change your hair?"
* You can cross your legs... both of them.
* Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra.
* When your obsession from food turns to your scale.
* They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a
turnstile.
* No more velcro shoes.
* Tongs are no longer to fry chicken.
* "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties.
* When your stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables. *
Your mother says "You don't eat enough".
* When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have
success with this."
* Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him. *
You can wear corduroy pants without igniting a fire.
* When you wave and your upper arms wave back.
* You safety pin your underwear.
* Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny
mistress.
* Cannot blame the cat for shedding.
* Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card.
* 3 Lean Cuisines a week and that's your total grocery purchase.
* The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god..did he die???
*"I have a date" does not mean you're going out.
*You have baby food in the house and no baby.
* "I'm a loser" is a good thing.
* All of your silverware says Gerber.
* A wooden spoon isn't just for cooking.
*"Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.
* New clothes fall off in a week.
* You get excited about hand me downs.
* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".
* Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing.
* "Jus****er for me please".
* Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.
* You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.
* When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.
* When you get excited that your incision was "only 4 inches".
* When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.
* Other women are calling you names behind your back.
* When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't
"belong there".
* When you really don't have a thing to wear.
* You have to prove you are the person on the drivers license.
* You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.
* You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeon's card.
* You are never parted from a bottle of water.
* When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.
* Being too small for your britches.
* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up,
position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.
* When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say
WOW you're mom is hot.
* When you go to the mall and take the first available space instead of
circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.
* You truly are a "cheap date".
* When one drink makes you flipping floozy!
* When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.
* You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.
* Vitamins feel like a meal.
* You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast
reduction.
* You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did
you change your hair?"
* You can cross your legs... both of them.
* Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra.
* When your obsession from food turns to your scale.
* They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a
turnstile.
* No more velcro shoes.
* Tongs are no longer to fry chicken.
* "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties.
* When your stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables. *
Your mother says "You don't eat enough".
* When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have
success with this."
* Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him. *
You can wear corduroy pants without igniting a fire.
* When you wave and your upper arms wave back.
* You safety pin your underwear.
* Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny
mistress.
* Cannot blame the cat for shedding.
* Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card.
* 3 Lean Cuisines a week and that's your total grocery purchase.
* The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god..did he die???
33 lbs lost prior to surgery!
Hi Jeannie !
I loved them all !! Way cute, I think I can add my closet isn't full of every color OF pants,and tops. I can have choices !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and styles. And most of all I if I fall I can get up and not have to wait on our wonderful IFD to get me up. And 1 last little something my 11 year old grandson said to me "NANA, If, I was old & you were not my "NANA" I would ask you out on a date LOL 
Love you, big hugs & blessings, Gail 
I am going to copy this and keep it close as reminders, I love it.
Believe ! Each and Every Day.
301 pounds lost since RNY 10/26/06
Visit me @ www.MySpace.com/gail7616
This one is me:
* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up,
position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.
So when I left my surgeons office I stopped at Fashion Bug and got myself 3 new bras (on clearance!) I brought them home handed them to my hubby and said here I picked up something I am sure you wife would love to have for valentines day. He opened the bag found the receipt and said "Dang I spend too much". lol...he's a funny bird.
Jeannie
* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up,
position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.
So when I left my surgeons office I stopped at Fashion Bug and got myself 3 new bras (on clearance!) I brought them home handed them to my hubby and said here I picked up something I am sure you wife would love to have for valentines day. He opened the bag found the receipt and said "Dang I spend too much". lol...he's a funny bird.
Jeannie
33 lbs lost prior to surgery!
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