Ugh the waiting is killing me... Just needing a shoulder I guess..

At least it seems that way. I have to wait over a month to get in with a psychiatrist and I'm sooo tired of crying and not being able to function. I'm on meds that are doing a whole lot of nothing really and have been on them for a while and I'm not even improving in the least bit. I am concerned that 2 of the meds I'm on are extended release and that could be why my meds aren't working for me but noone will change it.

I get soo tired and exhausted from battling and I have been trying to just sleep it off but it's just not working (I'm not getting anything in nutrition wise or fluid wise this way) and I just feel like crap. 

This depression stuff is kicking my butt and I'm soo tired of crying and feeling like somethings wrong with me.

I am so nauseated all the time, and ache and just everything. I don't even know what to do. When I have my  "UP" days it's almost as bad becuase when I crash I spiral really quickly. :( I am just so tired of this mental illness stuff. Tired of being exhausted but so restless I can't sit still for 5 minutes. I've literally wore holes into the bottoms of brand new socks from pacing because sometimes it helps and others it just speeds up my thoughts in my head. I can't hardly handle it really. I go to bed at night praying not to wake up the next morning most the time and this just isn't normal.

I should be at the prime of my life, enjoying my time with my husband, preparing to go back to school (which my therapist and I decided to put off for a semester because I wanna be stable on my meds so I don't have a spiral mid term and flunk). I should be just happy I don't know. My weight loss has even picked up a lil bit I've lost more in the past 3.5 weeks than I had in the past 3 months together.

I'm getting some exercise in still mostly but I've really never come out of isolation to be honest, I'm still isolating big time so I feel like I have nobody.

Oh well I guess I just needed to type this out because I am just so sad and I'd even go as far as saying I'm hypomanic.

I wish there was a magic pill or something to get me through for another month but there isn't and I'm hoping I can stay strong enough til then. I don't want to end up in patient again and my thought process is really screwed up to be honest. I just don't know what to do.

I guess I'm just reaching out because I don't know whaat else to do.

I am not way a Dr or giving medical advice.. BUT... My hubby had a nervous breakdown and I took him to the county medical facility to have someone professional to talk to until he could get elsewhere... thats a thought ,they do take care of "emergancy" cases..

If you could get moving, exercise I know it increases your endorphins that help make us happier by realeasing chemicls into our bodies..

I am praying for you... the #1 Dr is on HIS way...

Take  care sweetie... take care!!

Linda Kay

I am still getting exercise in most days. I go between full of energy (which I HATE because when I come down or cra****'s really bad) and even when I don't feel like it I do atleast 30 mins of step aerobics on the wii fit, which is about 3300+ steps a day.

I don't want to go in patient, I've BTDT and it didn't seem like it helped me because it was more so giving someone who has racing thoughts or can't sit still 20 page self help packets and trying to get them to be able to read them. 2 paragraphs in and I have to go back to the beginning because I'm lost.

I do have a therapist that I see weekly, but shes not available on weekends theres no like emergency call or anything. :(

I am so sorry sweetie,  as a mother my heart aches for you... I just want you to know there is someone out here who feels your pain and wishes she could reach out and actually help relieve it.

I have taken anti depressants before and know that normally it is just something I had to talk thru.. work out on my own somehow, or just pray it would go away.. so that is what I am doing for you... I am praying the help, the answer, will come to you.

Be well my friend be well..

Linda Kay

Misty, I will pray for you as well.  I have a daughter that is 24 and she struggles with the same type of problems.  I know this sounds crazy but she goes to the tanning bed for 10 to 15 minutes when she has her bad days.  It relaxes her muscles and takes away the soreness.  I personally think the body thinks it has gotten some sunlight and it helps out too.  Especially during the dreary days like today.  It's not about her tan at all.  It's about her settling down her mind and getting to a place she can relax.

I dont know if it would be an option for you.  Just thought I would share it. 

Btw, I saw a pic of you with Sherri at last year's Bari-ball.  I couldn't believe it was you.  I have only seen you as the thinner you.  I hope to get to meet you someday soon. 

Hang in there girl.  WE are all here for you.

Tracy

I'm on a couple meds that make that I'm on that I can't do excessive sunlight or whatever. I forget what they call it..

Mistylynn Would you be open to talking to my cousin Judy? Her husband is a preacher in Freetown and she lives close to Seymour. SHe is very willing to talk with you and help out in anyway she can. I asked her back when you were inpatient if she would be willing to. SHe is a very caring woman and has a great sense of humor. She isn't like an old preachers wife! She is cool. Let me know if she can help you out in anyway. Keep up the good work! Michelle

P.S. when are we all going to the Edinburgh outlet mall? I am off on Sunday and Monday.

*shrug* I've talked to my own pastor who has said that my case of depression, and problems are way beyond what they learn in counseling folks. He said besides pray that all he can do is be there for me to talk, which hes been great about.

Tracy,
Light therapy is a wonderful way of helping with season depression. My family all have that and I highly rexommend it. Misty, There has to be someone that you can talk to right away. don't wait!

My therapist, PCP and I were on the phone for 3 days trying to find me a psychiatrist that would either A) take me on as a new patient or B) could get me in before February. My PCP found 1 who could get me in Dec 1, but my therapist has one she works with on a semi regular basis and who she can get meds and adjustments very easily if I wait til the 11th of December, plus they will do the full psych eval then instead of making me come back for multiple appointments = multiple co pays, etc.

I'm just sooooo tired of fighting against my own brain. It just stinks. I know I have to keep plugging along and all but this battle in my brain makes it hard for me to do anything at all. :(