Did your weight loss affect you relationships in a negative way?

In the beginning.......before the gastric bypass.......I had lots of friends.  Most were supportive of my decision to explore the option of the surgery.  Once I decided to have it done some of them began to try to talk me out of it.  Others just slowly faded away into the past.  Once I had it done I was down to less than half the friends I'd had to start with.  As time passed and I lost the weight they just kept dropping out of sight.  I couldn't understand it.  I even started to think it was because of me in some way.......like I'd developed some sort of uppity attitude I didn't realize or something.  The friends I still had assured me it could not be that.  I was still basicly the same person.  Only difference was I didn't try to fade into the background all the time like I had before.  So I chalked it up to fate/life's changes/possible immaturity on their part/whatever. 

My sister and I were very close.  She was my best friend.  We did most everything together and talked several times a day.  When I went for my consult with the plastic surgeon a few months ago to see about removing the excess skin etc she was all for it.  Well I had the surgery done five weeks ago today.  She was supposed to be the one who was taking me down to the surgery center in Carmel, staying the night with me and then bringing me home.  She was also going to help me out once I got home.  About a week and a half before the surgery she just stopped speaking or coming around.  There was nothing wrong........no petty arguements or disagreements to blame this on.  She was just gone.  I had to find other ways to and from the surgery and ended up spending the night there alone.  Almost three weeks after I came home she called and wanted to come see me.  She showed up, looked me over, stood in the doorway for about five minutes making small talk and then left.  I felt like some sort of side show attraction or something.  That was the first time I'd heard from her since before the surgery.  She's contacted me three times since but only because she needed something.  She never even asked how I was.
 
She's not the only person to defect since I had the plastic surgery.  There are a couple of others but I know why they did.  I just don't understand how making myself healthier and happier causes people to want to not be part of my life.

Has this happened to anyone else?

I have not really lost anyone, but my boyfriend (for 23 yrs) and I have definitely grown apart. He does not like the new me...evolving and taking charge of my life instead of being the doormat for everyone. I am also no longer his eating buddy. That is still something he tempts me with on a daily basis. He eats candy, cookies, etc...in front of me...constantly asking if I would like some. Its almost like he is sabotaging my weight loss.  
Have you tried just coming out and asking her why? Or your friends? Instead of worrying about this...confront it. Try talking with them and seeing why things have changed and relationships have withered. Take the initiative yourself. They may not know how to approach you about it..

Initially, one of my best friends didn't want to talk about my surgery. I thought she wasn't supportive. Turns out that she was feeling uncomfortable bc she is very overweight. While she's decided surgery isn't the route for her now, she has been working out and doing WW. I'm happy for her.

I've been told by several people to expect friendships to change. It's not an easy thing to deal with on top of everything else we have ...

Does your sister have weight issues? Was/is she afraid that you'll "change" so she's trying to distance herself first? I pray that she comes around. :)

Dawn,

Some of my relationships have changed. Some..just because we all got busy. Some because I FINALLY decided to quit being used and stand up for myself. And one....because we switxched places. She was a 14 when we met (I was a 24/26). At 6' tall, she looked terrific. The status quo changed. I lost weight. She gained (health issues & change in lifestyle). The last time I saw her, I was a 8/10 and she was a 24/26. Since then, she has quit answering my emails or phone messages. I hate it because I really did value her friendship. I'm hoping that as she gets a handle on her life, that she'll realize I am still 'me'.

My relationship with Bill really has more to do with his eyes than my weight. He's been right there for me..but has trouble understanding why I would want to be right there for him. Men...they can be so silly.

In the meantime...I have all of you....

Sherri

Dawn,

I am hoping your sister comes around for you.  I don't think I've lost friends because of the WLS, but because I was feeling better about myself and stopped being a doormat.  I have been so blessed to have a wonderful supportive family.  My sister has been there every step of the way even though her husband won't let her have the surgery.   Talk to your friends and ask them what the problem is, perhaps you can all overcome the issues whatever they may be.

Good luck.

Julie

My second daughter was very negative and said hurtful things when I got the surgery.  She would be just plain mean to me.  It broke my heart.  She never even came to the hospital to visit.  It's as if walking in the doors would cause her to face the fact that she has weight issues too. But now, I am only 14 lbs more than her and she is starting to realize she is obese.  It is starting to make her realize that I will be smaller than her very soon.  She is getting a bit spiteful again.  I think it is hard for others with weight issues to handle the changes in us.  Sometimes it's jealousy.  It is also hard for others who have used and taken advantage of us.  They realize we find our selfworth and become more independent.  It causes them to move on to others that will let them use them.  Family members have alot to go thru and they struggle with the changes as much as we do.  Just try to be patient.  They will adjust sooner or later.  My two oldest sisters have had the surgery 10 yrs and 3 yrs ago.  They each had difficulties with their daughters.  Be proud of yourself for your accomplishments.  Your sister will figure it all out and come around.  I am sorry you have had to go thru it.

Relationship wise with a partner? Well... I grew emotionally because I was no longer betting myself up because of my weight and grew confident. He didn't like my new growth. Especially when I found out he was smoking crack at night while my son and I slept. I left him.... under the terms he was suppose to quite and get help, but he never did and so I moved on in life w/o him. However, someone that was a friend for 15 years realized after my weight came off that I had grown/matured into a person he determined he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Dated 4 months and got a marriage proposal. Got married this past Aug. I couldn't ask for a better partner in life. Now when it comes to friends an family relationships. A lot of them (friends AND family) didn't like that I was the automatic doormat or the person they could count on to blame stuff on. I learned through therapy that a Hero in life is someone that does what needs to be done no matter what and is accountable for their own actions, good or bad. I wanted to be my own hero. Someone that I could be proud of so that others could be proud of me in return. I'm still a work in progress but like others that have had this operation, I miss friends that chose to walk away due to my maturity and emotional growth. On a personal level.... my sister who tried to be supportive (but was hurt by my choice to have surgery to loose weight) kept insisting throughout my journey that I would NEVER be smaller then her (size 14/16). When I got to a size 6 it put a huge strain on my relationship with her and we got down to "casually" talking. No more long phone calls, no more shopping together, no more going out to eat together, a lot of no more together stuff. I'm three plus years out and still find a few friends and family that have issues with my weight loss, however I have to be me. Grow, mature, and invest in my heroism. 

 

Blessings

Jodi 

I think many of us can relate. I had a rough time with my family & a few "eating buddies". Of course, the changes were dramatic in my weight loss and my "buddies" quit inviting me to get-togethers, quit calling, answering my emails. So, ok, that where the rubber met the road- on to real friends here who understand me- sometimes better than I understand myslef.
 My family- some real jealousy with sisters,who still ask when I am going to regain it and a daughter who now is one of my BEST supporters!  I had to confront her with it, listen to her side/take on it, and let her know I am still the same person, only healthier/better for the surgery & changes. Sometimes it is a matter of letting them know we still love them- that didn't change.
I do think there is a image issue they /we go thru & jealousy when they have weight issues themselves. I even went thru a depression period when I found out I CAN"T have PS, and felt like- "why not ME???" I ate my way up 20 # which isn't good !!!! Now I am focusing on being the healthiest & best I can be!
I encourage you to keep journaling, get counciling if needed, reach out to us, keep on trying, confront when needed, and let go when you have to!

yes, I have lost alot of relationships since losing 110. I don't understand it either.