hmmm...just wondering about body image

I was reading MommyLissa's post with her pictures and how she really can't tell a difference in real life, but she can in pictures.  That just got me thinking.  I know that I don't define myself by my physical appearance nor do I define others by theirs.  If you ask me, I usually can't tell you what color someone's eyes are, what they were wearing, how old they are, or much about physical appearance.  I have also noticed that I don't see me as fat when I look in the mirror.  I just see me.  Now, pictures are a whole different story.  I see myself in pictures and reality strikes.  I know there are people who always see themselves as fat.  I don't know I'm just wondering if when I am thin, I'll see myself as such or if I'll still just see me when I look in the mirror.  Is this just a type of body image distortion?

I think the reason I couldn't tell the difference in real life, for a long time, was because I was in the body as it was going on. I saw the everyday gradual progression, while they would see the jumps from here to there. THen when you put pictures up, it makes it so much more striking. I really got to the point where I could tell the different in real life by way of things, not so much mirrors. I mean, like for example, I remember when I realized I DIDN'T need to use the handicapped stall in the bathroom anymore to be comfortable. I still don't always see the thinner me. I have to remind myself of my clothes size or the number on the scale, and that I'm not a big person anymore. I think it just takes time, time, time for the brain to catch up with the body. I mean after all, I was overweight and then obese, since the time I was in Preschool.

I think there are always big gaps in what we see and how we feel.  And I believe it changes for me.   Pre-op, I was in pretty good physical shape. Well as good as someone can be at 5'4 and 325 pounds.  But I was getting to a point where I couldn't do some of the things I wanted to do.  I just avoided pictures altogether becasue I couldn't take how I looked in them.  I was never as fat in my brain as what I really was.  For about the first year after surgery I couldn't see the changes.
Now that I've been at a plateau for about a year and haven't reached my goal I see myself as fat again.  Well, I still am.  I'm physically much stronger and healthier than before so I "feel" thiner than I am and I hate pictures all over again becasue I feel I can't get a picture that makes me look as good as I feel.   Anyway, excuse my ramblings.  I think what I'm trying to say is we probably all have different versions and problems with our body image.

Sometimes I can't tell a change because, as you said, I just see me.  I can tell in my face when I see pictures of the "old" me.  We went to the family literacy event at Washington Square Mall on Saturday and while we were walking by a mirror I saw my reflection and told Troy, "Wow.  I can really tell in that mirror that I've lost weight."  It's strange how we don't see ourselves the way we are.  I still turn sideways when going through places I think will be a tight sqeeze and it's not anymore.  It's just who we are I guess.  My sister, who had her surgery over 8 yrs ago, says "once a fat girl, always a fat girl."  I think I know what she means.  It's just in our heads.  I know I'm healthier because I feel better.  I can also do things I couldn't before so I realize I'm smaller that way too.  Plus all the comments people make...that really makes me feel great.  You'll soon find out what I'm talking about.  I can't wait to have you and Kim together so we can support each other.

Love you my friend, Jacqui

 

I never knew how big I really was.  I remember the first time I caught the "new" me in the mirror by surprise, I thought someone had broken into the house until I realized it was my reflection.

Laundry day is my reality check.  I used to fit only 4 pairs of my jeans in the washer, now I can fit 6 or more.  When I would hold out my jeans to fold them before, I couldn't believe how W-I-D-E they were.  I used to be able to iron my clothes on either end of the ironing board before.  Now they don't fit over the big end.  I was ironing a skirt Sunday and couldn't believe that little thing was going to fit - but it did!

I have always been a big ole, healthy girl.  I still am...but now I really am healthy!

Take pictures on a regular basis along your journey, you won't believe the difference even a month can make.

Thanks for the input.  I am so excited to see the "new me"