I didn't prepare mentally for this

I dont feel like I was prepared for how people were going to treat me after surgery.   Some of my friends and family members treat me as if they don't even like me since I have had surgery.  For instance, my sis came over yesterday and went to the mall with us and told me "you look as though you are losing weight but your face is going to get all sunken in and wrinkled and your going to look like a used up meth head".  Everyone seems to know someone who had surgery with ill effects, and ready to tell you all about how "so and so almost died".  I don't know how to defend myself and really don't have the energy right now, how do you handle it???

Jeannie

I don't know if anyone could be prepared to handle a comment like that from your sister.  What an ugly thing to say!  Try telling her your goal is to FEEL and BE healthier than you are now, and although your outside might change, your inside won't, you'll always be her sister and love and support her, just as you hope she loves and supports you.  If that doesn't shut her up, then do your best to tune her out.  As far as all the horror stories, ignore them ... you're not obligated to continually defend yourself and your chosen weight loss method to anyone.  Try to change topics, walk away if you can, or shut them up with "my doctor said I was going to die soon if I didn't lose weight."

I definitely know how your feeling. Even at 12 months out I get told about how this persons uncle's sister's 4th cousin's dog's breeder died from WLS. You just really have to pick your battles. Tell them that it is life saving to you. Explain to your family that their words are hurtful and that you need their support right now and NOT criticism (I should listen to myself here btw lol). If it gets to where they don't respect your wishes like Jessica said change the subject.

During some of my complications and issues I had certain people around me keep saying "I told you this wasn't a good idea" or making random ignorant comments that had to do with people having issues. I NEEDED them to listen and love me and NOT be rude about it.

Most of all you have to keep reminding yourself WHY you did this, maybe make up a list on some post it notes and post it around places you frequent. On the bathroom mirror, computer monitor and what not.
Keep your head up hon!! Things get better.

My heart is aching for you.  I know what you are going thru.  And it hurts even more when it is someone close to you.  I have two sisters that had it before me so they are very supportive.  My heartache came from my own daughter.  The day I told her I was having the surgery this was her reaction... " I will take you to a tattoo parlor tonight and get daisies tattooed around your waist now so when you skin sags to your knees it will look like a miniskirt."  I cried for an hour over her rude comment.  Then I realized, it is jealousy, concern and their real lack of knowing how to handle it.  I for one have been heavy for 25 years and she was afraid of losing me and also of not knowing how it would feel to have a mom that was thin.  She has defended me for years against kid bullies that would say " your mom is fat".   So, take it for what it is... some people are jealous of the attention you will be/ are getting and don't know how to deal with it.  Others just can't deal with adjusting to the new you so quickly.   They are afraid you will "look better" than them.  My daughter had since come around and apologized.  I think your sister will too.  But next time, just step it up with a joke and tell her, at least you will be a healthy wrinkly face.  LOL.  Don't worry about wrinkles either... my sisters actually look younger now.  And their faces thinned down very nicely. 

Good luck and keep smiling. 

Jeannie,

I am so sorry that you have to be hurt by these words! I too, come from a family that has had several WLS patients and none of them are wrinkled up prunes! LOL! Healthier, happier family members is what are surrounding me ! I have to agree that I believe that some of these comments are coming from jealousy- is your sister facing weight issues herself? Maybe she fears going through WLS herself and is scared at the concept of you being smaller than her- so being hateful/unsupportive with her words is her out, she thinks! Some, is just ignorance and not knowing the details of WLS. I hope that things get better! We all go through this, I believe, at some point! I always said that if I did not take a look at my medical needs and have had the surgery- my outcome was obvious, death! So I am happy that I followed through with my decision and have even been able to change the thoughts and opinions of some, not all, that I have came across! I hope that you too will be happy with your decision and know that the medical benefits that you have now given yourself, will all be worth it in the end! Hugz Dawn

Sunkin  in Meth Head??/ I dont think so and some of my skinny WLS friends would take exception to that.. Paster Dan has gone from I think a 7 X to aLarge and desnt look like a sunki8n in meth head... Don't tell Floyds wife I noticed... but he dosnt look like a sunkin in Meth head... heck he looks like he has ALWAYS bee that size... and so does she!!

People will say what they are going to say... I t is how we react to what they say that makes the difference.. I promise you the only chance you have of actually looking bad is if you dont take your vitamins.. and just quit taking care of yourself all together.

Remember keep your heart focused and they will actually start supporting you later.. You will be the same wonderful person just... smalller

Linda

Thanks to all of you for your wonderful support.  What a horrible day it has been, but I am now going to let it go.  I think my sister's problem is with herself and her own weight issues and not with me at all.  I have to keep reminding myself to not take such nonsense personally.  Thanks again everyone.

Jeannie

Jeanie....

You are welcome to invite your sister to come with you to join us at any of our activities so she can meet some people who HAVE had it...instead of just going by what she heard that happened to the mysterious 'someone'. We are living healthy, happy lives! Without the surgery? We were looking at a very shortened life!

Sherri

ps..yep, I have a little bit of a loose chin but I had noticed my mom's chin got like this in her 40's too and I'm 47....she didn't have surgery and 140 lb was 'fat' to her.

Your right her problem is with herself. I would have told her to kiss my meth ass, but thats just me. Sometimes you have to distance yourself from negative people, even if it is family. It's all about YOU  now.