friends, dating... blah

It's been awhile since I've put a message anywhere on OH.  Im very pleased with my weight loss and the changes in my life.  I've lost over 110lbs as of today.   Back in Nov/Dec 06 I made the huge decision to split with my fiancee of 8 yrs.  I was tired of the emotional and fiancial abuse and change was needed.  He did not support my surgery at all.  First time I tried talking to him about it he responded "over my dead body you will do that". Thank goodness only my name was on the mortgage.  It was a difficult situation, but I am so much better for it.  I told my therapist that I lost 230lb in one day! haha.  Problem was... he was my only "friend" outside the workplace.  What friends he had were his.... not really mine because they don't call anymore since we split.  Yeah...I know they/he weren't my friends. Here's the situation... maybe some of you guys can relate, I don't know - but I work two jobs (teach high school and parttime managment for a retail store) and Im starving for friends and a companion.  I have my friends at work - and two of the girls are pretty much in the same situation as me, but I don't want to be around people that want to talk about their past 24/7... I need to move on.   Im still extremely cauious meeting anyone due to my fear of being hurt and used again.    I don't do the bar scene (i don't smoke or drink) so where does a single 38yr woman meet people?????? Im going back to group at Unity in Aug.  I do enjoy going there and listening to what people have to say.  But.... once the group is over... people go there separate ways.   I've stopped going to groups at Frankfort due to distance, but its the same situation. Can anyone give me some ideas?? Very Lonely in Lafayette

Julia, We get together fairly often here in Indy. You are welcome to drive on over and join us. For many of us, our closest friends we met right here on the board first! We're also having more & more gentlemen to join us! Just keep an eye out! Next event: Clothing Exchange-1st Saturday in August Next event after that: Camp out-2nd weekend in August Sherri

Sherri, I wish I lived in Indy... I just don't have the funds nor time (working two jobs) to travel to Indy that much.  That's why I don't attend group in Frankfort anymore.  Thank you for the offer. Julia

Julia, I am sorry you are having such a hard time meeting people.  I live in Indy, but would you like to meet halfway for coffee, dinner or just a chat?   I have gone to a couple of outings the Indy group has had and it's  good group.   Julie

I watched a show on Oprah just last week that addressed this.  You might go to Oprah.com to see if there is a transcript.  Basically it addressed the issue by you going where guys go.  A golf driving range, Supermarket and asking guys do you cook. Please get involved in a Church singles group.  There should be a large Church that has a great Singles ministry.  ST. Luke's Presbyterian on the north side of Indy has a large group.  On 86Th street.

I'll have to check out the Oprah.com site for suggestions.   Thank you

I AGREE WITH SHERRI AND JULIE COME TO A GET TOGETHER IN INDY ITS A GREAT BUNCH OF PEOPLR LIKE A FAMILY . I WAS THE ALL TIME BIGGEST WALL FLOWER TILL I MET THEM . NO ONE JUDGES OR LOOKS DOWN AT ANYONE. WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE DONE THAT AND GOT THE TEE SHIRT. ITS A GREAT WAY TO MEET PEOPLE AND MAKE GOOD FRIENDS VICKI

Julia,  Hi,  I don't know if we met at a Frankfort meeting or not, but I wanted you to know I understand how you feel. Part of the problem was me, fear of being hurt, getting rejected, my own inferiority complex, so I felt disconnected until I took the "leap of faith" and attended a get-together Sherri had. It was the best thing to happen for me!! Sherri & I have become "Sisters" &I have met the most wonderful, caring, supportive friends here, and feel like I have a "family" now. I go down to most of the get-togethers, so if you ever want to ride together let me know. I live in Thorntown, which is only 25 mi. from Lafayette.  It is hard to deal with unsupportive people, and I am glad you took the leap of faith to make changes in your life- even when they are so painful.I commend you for standing up for yourself. There are several other ideas I had- Barnes & Noble book discussions; bowling alley( get on a league if you like to bowl), do you have any hobbies like painting/ crafts? Joann Fabrics & Micheals have classes as well as the Libraries there. Also, there are several great churches there in Lafayette that have singles activities and ministeries.  Keep posting, know you've got friends here who do care, and get out and try new things with us.PM me if you want to chat!! (((hugs))) Ellen 

Ellen, We actually met via OH Indiana Forum.  I was looking for a support group and you told me about the Frankfort one.  We finally met at the next meeting face to face. I go to B/N all the time... in hopes, but Im getting a lot of reading done! HAHA.   It's really difficult working two jobs.... but that's not an option.   I guess I need to find my nich somewhere.    Sometimes I think I don't have enough time in my life except for my dogs.  I don't know. Thanks for replying Julia

Hello Julia I would say, try the internet, but becareful, I have meet a few people there.  I am also having a hard time in finding mr. Right. lol. I have been divorced for oaver 7 years, I was abused and so were my kids.  So that is probley why I haven't really made a comitment because I don't want to go back to the same thing.  I have thought about trying different churches. I am not a bar person either. So for right now the internet is were I am looking.  I ask a lot of quistion before I meet someone.  I hope you much luck.  Let me know if you find a good place to go. Lisa B