I Just HATE People sometimes .. Please Be honest !

Let me just be completely honest , at the moment actually since this past Friday , I have hated everyone and anything that comes into site .. no matter what anyone says nice or rude it goes right thru me , I feel like commenting myself to the 2nd floor here in town , I just want to be in a padded cell because I feel so much anger ? or something or another .. I do not no what to do besides cry .. tonight I was extremely mean I mean MEAN to my 19 year old sister , she's a total snot and makes me feel like she could careless how I feel or thing .. I just wanted to make her feel like I feel .. and ask I said the meanest thing I could have , something I know how it feels and its the last thing id want anyone to say to me , and by all means my sister isn't Fat , just has a ill chub ... and I told her she was fat and I was gonna be smaller then her ( this was while we was screaming at eachother , I have did nothing but cry now, and I tried to call and say sorry it was mean and I shouldn't have said it but I got hung up on , I really don't know why im feeling this way .. I feel horrible and I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there forever .. its not just my family its my work , actually its anyone or anything that comes into my site . I could go on forever about what I hate lately , I feel miserable , I know I was mean and I know I say rude mean things allot , my family has always put me on the back burner no matter what , my dad which is an alcoholic ( which actually isn't my dad) but is my sisters dad .. they just don't get it , ive always been the one treated different , or I use to get beat because I breath wrong . he was always mean and imp just suppose to be fine , well after 26 years my mother has finally left him and been living with my grandma , which heck they are mean to her and its her house, I guess there looking for there own place to rent ,, and my poor husband I know he tries but I know he doesn't understand , his family is total opposite to mine . and im just tired and to the point where , I want my sisters , mother , father to just be a family and not include me ANYMORE.. i just don't want to be apart of them I want just have my own small family and a couple aunts and just leave them outta my life , i know that's wrong but ive took the abuse .. and ive stepped up and been the bigger person and tried to help when my mom left , I told my sister she could live with me , I left them barrow money they was going to pay back a week later and never did , and imp like who cares about the money I just want EVERYONE HAPPY !! but in all honestly im not happy with them anymore , im tired of the short end of the stick and it being all about them , when in TRUE reality he isn't my dad and there only my half sisters .. see what I mean I know I sound mean and honestly that isn't who I wana be or am I don't think .. id would capture stars or try to if someone wanted them , im just feeling not me anymore , and im really just tired of that , thinking bad angry things allot .. im so sorry I had to vent this is the most I ever wrote , please don't think im mean and cruel cause im not , im just emotionally gone? hugs all around , ~ jenn

Jenn- First off I'm sending you hugs right back! I wish you could know how it feels to be unconditionally loved by your family... But since that sounds like it isn't going to happen I will tell you that I love you as a fellow human on this earth. I don't mean the freaky kind of "God Love" that might come to mind. But the kind of humanity love that comes from my heart to yours. You are so right to reach out and post here. I for one will not judge you or think unkindly towards you. I have on occasion been unreasonably harsh towards people I love and understand about wanting them to feel as bad as I feel. That being said I also know that it was up to me to decide what my triggers were and get away from them. I unfortunately had to remove myself from a few extremely dysfunctional family members! That was a hard choice to make, but one that has work very well for my mental health and family strength. I know I can't make you feel better for the things you have said and done, but you can! Examine what you would like to feel and focus on how you can make others have those same feelings. For me I feel better when the people around me are happy! BTW- I was just reading a book from the library that was talking about the huge hormonal changes that our bodies go threw with this surgery and how all these different chemicals in our bodies can make us feel crazy! Especially women that have had PCOS. So some of the crap and hate and anger you are feeling may be from the surgery and then add to that all the emotional baggage you seem to have brought from what sounds like a cruddy childhood, and there you are! Keep seeking support when and ware you can! Always sending you hugs, Carmen

and im still crying , !! but ill be fine , and thank you so much for the words , they help , i would like to know the name of the book etc , i think i might go get it , i actually have PCOS .. and i know my hormones are going crazy , PLUS im not getting my protien , i havent seens surgery and i know that isnt helping me out either , im just gonna have to gag and drink what i can i guess , i was thinking about trying the whey tasteless protien , even tho im sure it isnt exactly tasteless, thank you once again .. i think im going to lay down now and try to calm down and tell myself what i do love about my family , hugs and thanks again for the words , its nice to know there are people out there that are willing to say a few words to help others feel better.

Jenn- HUGZ to you!! I can totally relate to the emotional ups and downs after this surgery, I am sure you are going through some of these changes due to your surgery, maybe you should talk with your doc and fill them in and maybe the can help with a med or if you are already taking a med maybe it need to be changed in one directions or another! I personally take a med to help me and boy does it help! It is hard for some of us to reach out and ask forhelp/forgiveness, at least you have taken that first step here with us, who can help and also understand what you are going through! I hope this helps some, and know that my thought and prayers are with you! Maybe you could come and meet us at the exchange!! We could help put a smile on your face and give you a big hug!!! Good luck- Hugz Dawn

Jenn, I am so sorry that u are having to go thru so much right now. Its been a very emotional yr for you...alot of ups and downs. You can vent here anytime. I'll always listen. Feel free to email me if u want any time too. This is why we are here....support each other in the good and especially in the ruff times. I hope u feel better soon. Mariah

Jenn, I am sending hugs and prayers your way. I too was an emotional mess after my surgery. It has got to be all the hormonal changes that our bodies go through. sometimes we just have to distance ourselves from the people who push us over the edge.. I would definately talk to your doctor so he can direct you in the right way. Don't beat yourself up over your arguement with your sister. Yes I understand you might have said some hurtful things but I am sure alot of hurtful things were said to as well...If she doesn't want to talk to you, you should still try to feel better cause you at least know in your heart that you are sorry and forgive yourself...You are a good person I am sure, just believe that and by the way, stop trying to make everyone else happy, work on Jenn now for a change!!!!!! You deserve it. Hang in there ans stop crying and start smiling,we all here will be your family...Go take a nice bubble and relax.. i hope I am sending some sunshine your way.. Dawn

Sit down, write your sister a letter, you can say what is in your heart in a letter.. cuz no one hangs up or interupts, say you are sorry and shouldnt have said the hateful things because that is why you had the surgery to begin with. You know how unhealthy it is and how people can hurt you by not looking at the person inside. Then step back and TAKE CARE OF YOU! It is not wrong to seperate yourself from family and friends for a little while while you concentrate on getting YOUR head in the right place. Yes very possible the hormones, chemical imbalance and lots of people have to go on antidepressants after surgery till thier minds catch up with the new bodies we are getting. Asking for forgiveness is not only for the other person it is for you too.. do that and let it drop.. let it heal naturally.. I have always been the "bigger" person always needed to be liked, searched for attention or acceptance from everyone.. now since the surgery... I am taking more me time and some people who are used to me doing everything for them and doing it their way dont understand..But looking back... I DESERVE me time... and you do too. MY father was/is an alchoholic, my mother remarried a pervert (who never touched me) she raised 8 kids some older than me I barely know.. but love anyway see at Christmas, we all have our brusies from childhood that we carry with us..some of the sisters and brothers brusies are different and they handle them differently than I do but that doesnt make their brusies any less painful.. So take my advice.. step back heal and when you are ready.. things will be better.. Love ya, Linda

Hi Jenn, You are obviously in a scary place right now. You've had your surgery, your life is changing everyday. You are making different deciions than you did before surgery and you aren't getting the support from your family that you should be getting. They are all wrapped up in their emotional upheavals. I can completely sympathize with that. You have a right to know this: IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE EVERYONE ELSE HAPPY! You are putting too much pressure on yourself at a time when you need to take it easy. You have a lot of changes you need to get used to. I agree with Linda, write a letter of apology to your sister. Whether she accepts it or not, it will make you feel better to have said what is on your mind and in your heart. Next, take a step back from all of their problems. They are big people, let them work out their problems for themselves. Yes, I know it is easier said than done, especially when you have a "peace maker" personality. I have one myself and found myself in the same situation - letting my needs go to help my family. It is hard, but you can do it and have every RIGHT to do it. I believe that if you start taking care of you first, you will have more patience and tolerance for everyone else. Give yourself a break, you are on an amazing journey. But even amazing journeies can be wearing! I will keep you in my thoughts. Cindy

I can relate to how you feel becuase I have struggled w/depression and anxiety my entire life. It's hard to feel like that. It's tiring. Like you, my upbringing and family life was the number one causal factor. The WLS doesn't help because you are releasing estrogen that has been stored in fat cells and is making you very, very emotional too. You just have to love and accept your family for what they are. You can't change their lives, but you can certainly change your own. Rise above!!!! At least you can pick your friends. If your problems don't matter to them, then don't let their problems matter to you. Just hold onto your husband and thank God that you don't live like that. And also, Prozac helps me! It doesn't make me want to kill myself like people would have you to believe, but it does help me not want to kill others. I am not saying, by any means, that you need that or any medication for that matter. It does help me though. HUGZ all around. Turn your phone off. Turn your answering machine down. Call your husband, tell him that you love him and you can't wait to see him when he gets home. Go in your bathroom and take the longest, hottest bath you have ever had. Put your pj's on and watch some lifetime.

First and formost i want to thank each and everyone for there reply , im feeling much better , ive talked to my sister and we are fine , she knows that person who screamed nasty words at her isnt who i am , im not that person , and i went and got my effexor filled , now i just need to take it , i know it helps but i was really feeling good and stopped taking it like a ding bat ,plus with all my familys issues i just felt crazy . But im feeling better , im taking a break from laundry and cleaning at the moment , i just wanted to thank everyone for there words , it helps to know people are out there.. hugsss and have a great weekend,