To Tell or Not To Tell my Employer/Others

OK I knew this was the place to ask. I have a dilemma with what type of surgery (RNY) to tell others I am having, especially at work. I am the largest person in a small office. I have thought about just telling them I was having some digestive problems and needed to have surgery. When I return to work they will start noticing my weight melting off so I am sure they will start to wonder. I guess I just feel guilty for lying to my employer. Any suggestions?

Unless you believe you will be treated badly (discriminated against or openly insulted), be proud of the steps you are taking to improve your health and the quality of your life! The decision to have this surgery is a major one. I haven't heard of anyone coming to it lightly. No matter what anyone else's perceptions of wls are, it is a drastic commitment to a better life. Stand tall and be proud of what you are doing. You deserve all of the recognition of your future accomplishments you will get. Cindy

I felt funny telling others when I first decided to have the surgery but by the time I got insurance apporval I thought what the heck. I work in a Dr. office and as soon as I got a surgery date I told them all. I have been so happy with the surgery results that I have told both Dr.'s in the office that if they have any patients inquire about having the surgery that they can tell them I had it done and to come talk to me. Everyone I told about the surgery, co-workers, family and friends have all been very supportive and that helps.

I was actually open and honest with my employer about having the surgery. My reward? They denied my leave of absense and made me choose between the surgery or my job (which do i think I picked?). My advice is make sure that you are eligible for FMLA (you have to have been employed for a year) so they can't do the same thing to you!

My opinion is do what you feel comfortable doing. I am normally a very open and honest person, however, I know that my boss would NOT understand whatsoever and would not be supportive. Therefore, I chose just to tell him that I was having surgery. Well then he got nosey and flat out asked me. So I LIED straight to his face. Well, I bent the truth. I told him that I have cysts on my ovaries and they're going to remove them and take a look around to see what else is going on. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (true) and I also said that I'm going to be meeting with a nutritionist as well to work on a new healthy way of eating to help out with PCOS and weight, etc. I felt horrible lying and I actually go back to work on Monday, so we'll see how it goes. I hated being put in that position, but so far I feel comfortable with that. I don't feel like many people at my job would be very supportive so I told one very close friend at work there and that is it. Good Luck with your decision. Do what you feel comfortable with!!!!

What you told him to begin with was sufficient. He crossed the line by asking. People are soooo rude.

Thanks eveyone. I knew you would all understand. I feel at the moment I will just keep it to a few people, mainly relatives. If my boss knew I was taking off time to have an elective surgery he wouldn't understand. Plus most people in the office would think, "oh great there goes our insurance premiums". What they don't know is that it will save a lot more in insurance costs since I won't be going to the doctor for weight related problems anymore. I never thought about the PCOS but that would be another option. Of course HE definently wouldn't understand that and probably would stop me before I finished. I slightly mentioned it to my parents yesterday and I found out my dad had a similar procedure about 20 years ago. I can't even begin to imagine what he went through then. I do remember mom having to feed him through a tube in his stomach for awhile. You're right that people can be so rude at times. I don't even think they know what they are saying at times. Just yesterday I was telling a co-worker I was down to 257 lbs. and she went "Wheew" which really made me feel good. I don't think she even realized how it sounded to me. Gee thanks, makes me wonder what you thought when I weighed 296 lbs. Then another person says, "I've noticed you've lost weight and are looking good", I felt like saying "Oh thanks, what did you think about me when I weighed about 40 lbs. more?" But I'm going to show them all!! Thanks for letting me vent. Looks like the storms here in Columbus are over for the night. Hope eveyone stayed safe. Meanwhile, I return on Wednesday to the psyche evaluation to find out some things I didn't know about myself. LOL Just want to get it over with and sent to insurance. I am reciting- "Good things come to those who wait" each and every day. You're all great!! Have a wonderful, warm weekend!!

I definetely chose not to tell and like the other poster, flat out lied to be bosses face. Mainly because, although I don't work in a small office, it's amazing to me how quickly personal information gets out when it shouldn't. I told my boss that I had surgery to remove tumors off my throat - which was 1/2 true, didn't have surgery on it, the shrunk them with medication. But still, I get to choose how the information gets to other people, not them.

I am such a big mouth... I just told everyone "I am getting my stomach cut off"..No one cared... no one from my office sent flowers, a card or anything... My office did not send anything to me for my knee surgery in Feb either... they are such a group of self centered creeps who care what they think!!! But now that I m 100 pounds thinner... I dont buy the group birthday cookies.. or ANYTHING sweet any more.. I used to bring stuff in for the whole group and they would eat it fine but thank me for bringing it?? I dont think so...' The decision on what to tell poeple rests solely on what every you want to tell them.. Linda

It's so weird because I feel completely opposite! I love to tell people about my struggle and how I had GBS. I think that God has blessed me at such a young age and by me sharing my story with others...I am sure that I can change another persons life...or maybe even inspire them to make a positive change! But--I understand and respect your situation. I would just tell them that you are having your gallbladder removed because I have heard this is what many patients say when they are uncomfortable telling their work....you will do great....just close your eyes and thank God that you are sooo blessed to experience this tremendous, mind blowing life experience! finda nessy