hiding...How do I come out??

Hello all...I have an issue with my weight, as it has creeped to an all time high since my first pregnancy in 1991...I thought I could gain as much as I wanted and it would just fall off when I had the baby...well 4 kids later and years of self sabatoge..I am at my all time high...I have medical conditions that are apparent due to my lack of self control. I have been with my husband since I was 13yrs old...married for 15 years next month. He has no idea how much I weigh... he tries to figure it out, but that is the ultimate embaressment..he isnt all that over weight..maybe by 40lbs, but me I am in the obese range. Its so hard to tell him, anyone else have this problem? I know he will stand by me, he said I can look into the surgery and all..I'm just scared of him knowing my numbers..any advice?...i'm tired of hiding and I only got this way by everything I have put into my mouth...I'm scared of my numbers..please help.

I have had the same problem. I had a very hard time saying my weight. My husband didn't know for sure either but when I told him (after my surgery) I felt so much better. It was like a secret I had been keeping. He knew I was super obese but he was surprised it was 422. Now I can say it. I can also say it's 244 now!! My husband weighs 200 so I am going to weigh less than him this year!!! He has never known me under 300 lbs. Good luck. I think you'll feel better to get it out in the open. Julie

wow congrats on your weight loss...you said it just right...it is a secret that I have and noone knows except me and the doctors...and this secret is a big burden ..If I don't acknowledge it the number is going to keep getting larger..and I don't want that at all.. It's so hard to tell him, afraid of the unknown reaction from him...Thanks for responding to me

Hi Michelle. I know exactly what you are going through. I always thought that if I didn't say it aloud, then I really didn't weigh what I do. AND if I didn't seem to notice my weight, then maybe no one else would. All you have to do is just say it. You will feel better. In my case, it made my husband come to terms with my weight and made him more supportive of the choice that I am currently making. We don't always see the ones we love with our eyes--we see them with our hearts. Take advantage of the support system you have!!

your post brought tears to my eyes..I am afraid of the unknown reaction I may get from him..I don't think I am ready to approach him with my numbers. I will give it some more time and see how he reacts with all this info I am finding out on here, and see his reaction..I want and need his support now more than anything if I am going to go through with surgery...thank you again for writing..it touched me.

I remember being afraid my boyfriend would look in my closet and see what size clothes I wore. No way would I have told him the actual numbers. Now I can say it and it doesn't bother me....but back then....oh yeah, know exactly how ya feel!!!

Hi..OMG..yes I jsut bought some new clothes out of the lane bryant catalog, and you can get shirts like super sized..so I cut all the tags out of them...but they are huge on me, so I think he knows that they are bigger than what I already had...thinking of this..I wonder if I was giving myself room to gain more weight, because heck I just bought new clothes, and they would still fit if I gained more , and I wouldn't have to run out and buy new for awhile.. what a realization just by typing that..

Michelle I can sure relate to the hiding! My DH is about 220. He never ever asked by weight but did know my clothes sizes. It wasn't until after surgery that he totally shocked me by asking my weight. After answering with "well how low does your balls hang???!!!" I gave in an answered him. I was surprised with myself. Before I would have NEVER told ANYONE what my weight was. I haven't returned to work yet (monday is the big day) I am sure that I will be approached with this topic by fellow employees. I can only imagine how my mouth will run then!!!! Best Wishes! Claudette

Boy, I can relate to that!! Especially since I am married to a man 16 years younger than me!! I was 40 and he was 25 when we married 18 years ago. I was big when he married me,,he was skinny (165 lbs on a 6 ft frame!!) I would never tell him what I weighed, or what size I wore, until one day I was in intensive care for the first of many episodes of CHF, when a loud mouthed nurse burst into the room and said,,Well, the scale on the bed says 297 lbs..does that sound about right?? I was instantly mortified, as my husband was sitting there beside my bed,,and then I was angry. It didnt make any difference to my husband though, but it never helped the mortification I felt by this rude hospital employee. Best to tell him before someone else does. Since I have had my surgery, I tell my husband every day what I weigh, my biggest was 322 at surgery time,,its 236 right now. Hubby is proud, but tells me,,he loves me the same as he ever did, I just look and act younger now. As for hubby...well..hes close to 250 now,,,time has a way of chaniging things!! Good luck on your journey!!

I've been the same way for MANY years! I never told anyone how much I weighed...was none of their business and besides, it is much more real when you say it outloud. I didn't want to see the look on their faces. Plus, everyone can see how big you are, but somehow putting a number with it makes it seem so much bigger. Once I decided for sure to have the surgery and was telling family and close friends about it and kept hearing "Why? You aren't that heavy" I decided the best way to fight off that question was to say "No? 285 isn't that heavy?" I know compared to some it's not, but the look of shock soon became amusing to me because I knew it'd be followed with things like "Maybe the surgery is a good idea then" and that was a mission accomplished in my mind. Now I throw it around like it's no big deal because before too long it'll be a much smaller number so what difference does it make? In the end, the people you love aren't going to care one way or another because they love you as you are...whether you're 175lbs or 5 times that much.