Who did you all tell about surgery????

OK...so I have the date, have the preops scheduled, and am basically ready to go...........I spoke to a few people about it before when I didn't think that insurance would approve and there wasn't much support besides hubby. So I made the mistake of telling one lady at work that it was approved.....she just made a face, like, "oh I don't think this is a good idea!!!".......so I went out to lunch that day with my most supportive coworker who I lean on often and she and I talked at length about it. I just don' think that I want to tell a bunch of people about it. Not that I'm embarassed or anything...it's just that.......well, hubby and I adopted our son from Russia this past summer and we had lots of "explaining" to do to those that are closed minded (unfortunately that's most of our family) and I just don't want to have to go through that again. I've already made up my mind that this is what I'm going to do and there will be no discussion and no one will change my mind. So I need to tell my boss that I'll be having surgery. I don't think that he'll be asking much about it.......thought about just telling peops at work that I am having some female surgery (obviously have some female problems) but at the same time I just hate lying.................any advice? how did you all handle it?????? My mom and step-dad were here this weekend and I kept it from them, too. It was really hard, but I just don't think that they'd be very supportive. Had plans to go see dad and step-mom during spring break, but now I'm having the surgery, so somehow I have to explain to them that I won't be coming, but if they'd like to spend time with the little guy that would be great to take him off our hands for a few days while I recoup. THOUGHTS???????

Hi Melissa, This a tough one. I've told most of my immediate family. At work - I told the girls in my dept., but have let them know that I don't want anyone else to know. Not becasue I'm ashamed, or embarrassed, but simply because it's none of their business. Sometimes I wish that I didn't tell all of the girls, most are very supportive, but then there's always on who is not, and I feel like I have to debate my decision, and explain it. It's hard enough mentally and emotionally for me to deal with it, so I don't need anyone else making it harder on me. On Friday, one of the girls came into my office, out of the blue, and said "my sister says that if youre having second thoughts, you should not do it." I told her I'm not having second thoughts, I'm just nervous and scared, which is perfectly normal! It's human nature to be scared. There are so many different views and opinions when it comes to this type of surgery. And everyone becomes an expert....lol. I wouldn't look at it as lying, as it's your very personal business, and you have the choice to share it with you you feel the most comfortable with. . (I didn't tell my boss, just that I was having a surgery......) Best of luck to you. Melissa

I pretty much told everyone...but I had made up my mind and I had the surgery facts in tow...so when anyone tried to tell horror stories...i hit them with the facts that less than 3% die with this surgery....and about 27% of morbidly obese patients die annually from medical problems related to being obese. It was my life and I wanted it back....but everyone was pretty supportive...so I was lucky. But like Melissa said...it's your business and it is not lying to just simply tell people the surgery is personal and you would like to keep it that way...no need to lie...but no need to disclose either. Best wishes on your journey!!!!!!!!!!!

I've told all my friends and my mom (and I'm sure she's talked to other family and friends about it which is fine). My fiance obviously knows but I've asked him not to tell any of his family....mostly because they are a nosey lot and I really don't feel like dealing with them. One of his cousins, whom I'm not a big fan of, had it done a few years ago and I don't want her to think we should bond over it...nor do I want the rest of his family comparing me to her. As for work, I'm a stay at home mom to a 15 month old so I've told my "boss" about it but he just throws his socks at me and runs away. I am also going to school and the surgery might happen at the end of the semester so all my profs know that I'm having a major surgery and might need to take my finals early. None of my nosey classmates know any more than that either. I look forward to seeing them at fall classes and shocking the pants off of them. LOL

At first I had thought about just telling people at work and my family that I was having my gall bladder out and leaving it at that. And that was the approach I took while I was doing all the work to get approved. When it got closer to time to send in my surgery request I finally told my closed minded family that my doctor suggested that as long as they were going to take out my gallbladder that she recommended that I try to get approved for bariatric surgery at the same time. They were more supportive that I thought, though they are pretty leary about it. But I think they are more comfortable with it because my doctor reccomended the surgery (or at least thats what they think). At work I had decided that no WAY was I telling people what kind of surgery I was having. But then I found out one of my other co workers was ahving a dueodinal switch in December, that there are two others trying for approval for surgery, and that we even have a few post ops there too. So I decided for MY sanity that I was no longer going to hide what kind of surgery I was having. Plus its great support at work now, the place I feared telling people the most. Of course there are people who have their own advice to not have surgery and just go on yet another diet, but I mostly ignore them, or just politley tell them that I have done my research, that it's my body and this is how i want to fix it, and that my doctor is the one *****ccomended it. Plus i figured it was way better to just tell them than let them put two and two together and find my lying if i had some complications or if they paid close attention to what I'm doing. And most people at work like to be nosy, so best for me to just tell them. It's something you have to come to yourself. Best of luck to you!

I've been through this twice - once in 1998 and again in 2002. Both times, I limited who I told, including family members. Why? Honestly, because I didn't need to be spending the energy on making them feel alright with it. I needed to keep focused on the objective. Of course my husband knew and I did tell a handful of people. Those were the people I knew I could count on no matter what. I think that one major item we all face as obese people is our need to be accepted by everyone all of the time. I can't guarantee that this will ever change for you (if this happens to be your case too). But I can tell you that being distracted with other peoples reactions to your life-changing event can really put you in a place for self-sabatoge and major set backs. And then hey - that's another set of reactions of theirs to deal with.... Remember, it's your life. It's your decisions. If people know about it and are nasty or pass negative judgement on you, you are SO much better off without them.