Despairing
Linda,
I read daily, but rarely post. I have read of the sorrow you have lived these past several months and even prior grief with the death of Lucy. I just want you to know that I have grieved with you as I have experienced the thief of death as well.
After years of infertility, we conceived twins and we were enjoying a healthy pregnancy when all of a sudden my water broke and I delivered twins at about 24 weeks. The girls would have been 30 years of age this past October had they lived. We were unable to conceive again so we have 4 adopted children. Two siblings brought drama to the extreme into our lives and both of them spent a lot of time in inpatient psych care; therefore, I can appreciate the pain, sorrow and frustration you have gone through with Mikey in trying to find the help for him that he needs.
In 2001 my husband of nearly 30 years died unexpectedly two days before Christmas during a church service. This was so unexpected as he was seemingly healthy and strong. It was determined that he had contracted a virus that quickly destroyed his heart. As a nurse, I felt guilty that I might have missed symptoms he had which would have allowed us to seek medical care for him.
This past July my 7 month old grandson was murdered by my daughter's boyfriend. Again, should I have tried harder to convince her to come home so we could help her raise Jamison?
I share all of this with you just so you know that I really do understand the grief that you have experienced and at times have blamed myself for the losses we have experienced. The one thing I have learned through all of the times of grief is that God is too good to cause these things and to wise to make mistakes. I have learned that He does cause these things to happen but does allow them. He is ultimately in control of all things and I have learned to find good in these times of pain. I can look back and see how I have grown in my relationship with God and I have grown personally. I am much stronger for all I have gone through. Would I have chosen these things? Absolutely not, but I am thankful that God in his wisdom knew that I could handle what he gave me and that it was through His strength I survived and grew.
I have prayed for you over the last several months and will continue to do so as you have a hard time over the next several weeks. You may not think you are strong enough but I believe you are. I have seen your strength over the last year or so that you probably haven't seen in yourself.
On the one year anniversary of Frank's death we spent the day together as a family. We played video games and did other fun things. That evening we cooked a meal of Frank's favorite foods. We focused on funny things we remembered that he did. Rather than focusing on our loss and pain we felt, we tried to focus on fun things related to Frank/dad. We ended up having a good day with few tears being shed. I would recommend something similar to you and your family next month as you remember Maggie. Celebrate her life versus grieving her death.
May God grant you comfort, peace and strength. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to talk. I am on the "list."
Peg
I read daily, but rarely post. I have read of the sorrow you have lived these past several months and even prior grief with the death of Lucy. I just want you to know that I have grieved with you as I have experienced the thief of death as well.
After years of infertility, we conceived twins and we were enjoying a healthy pregnancy when all of a sudden my water broke and I delivered twins at about 24 weeks. The girls would have been 30 years of age this past October had they lived. We were unable to conceive again so we have 4 adopted children. Two siblings brought drama to the extreme into our lives and both of them spent a lot of time in inpatient psych care; therefore, I can appreciate the pain, sorrow and frustration you have gone through with Mikey in trying to find the help for him that he needs.
In 2001 my husband of nearly 30 years died unexpectedly two days before Christmas during a church service. This was so unexpected as he was seemingly healthy and strong. It was determined that he had contracted a virus that quickly destroyed his heart. As a nurse, I felt guilty that I might have missed symptoms he had which would have allowed us to seek medical care for him.
This past July my 7 month old grandson was murdered by my daughter's boyfriend. Again, should I have tried harder to convince her to come home so we could help her raise Jamison?
I share all of this with you just so you know that I really do understand the grief that you have experienced and at times have blamed myself for the losses we have experienced. The one thing I have learned through all of the times of grief is that God is too good to cause these things and to wise to make mistakes. I have learned that He does cause these things to happen but does allow them. He is ultimately in control of all things and I have learned to find good in these times of pain. I can look back and see how I have grown in my relationship with God and I have grown personally. I am much stronger for all I have gone through. Would I have chosen these things? Absolutely not, but I am thankful that God in his wisdom knew that I could handle what he gave me and that it was through His strength I survived and grew.
I have prayed for you over the last several months and will continue to do so as you have a hard time over the next several weeks. You may not think you are strong enough but I believe you are. I have seen your strength over the last year or so that you probably haven't seen in yourself.
On the one year anniversary of Frank's death we spent the day together as a family. We played video games and did other fun things. That evening we cooked a meal of Frank's favorite foods. We focused on funny things we remembered that he did. Rather than focusing on our loss and pain we felt, we tried to focus on fun things related to Frank/dad. We ended up having a good day with few tears being shed. I would recommend something similar to you and your family next month as you remember Maggie. Celebrate her life versus grieving her death.
May God grant you comfort, peace and strength. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to talk. I am on the "list."
Peg
Linda, there are no words I can say that will lessen your pain. But please know that my heart goes out to you. My mom says that there is no one out there who understands the loss of a child except another parent who has experienced it. Have you gone to any support groups or anything to look for support from people who have walked in your shoes? Will you be getting updates from the people who's lives were touched by your decision to donate Maggie's organs? I would think it will help to know that others are living their lives because of Maggie's gift!
Hang in there and feel free to call anytime.
Melissa
Hang in there and feel free to call anytime.
Melissa
Surprise MIRACLE baby boy, Noah Andrew, born March 24, 2010
Check out my WLS blog at: www.melissawlsjourney.blogspot.com
Check out my WLS blog at: www.melissawlsjourney.blogspot.com
Linda, I am so glad you posted. I was actually thinking about you alot over the holidays and with February approaching. I hope you know how much you mean to all of us. You are a very dear part of our OH family. Watching you hurt and suffer thru this, hurts us for you. I hope you turn to us any time you need us.
I know you can make it thru.... Maggie is watching over you and she is so proud of all that you have accomplished this past year. She is cheering you on every day that you defeat the blues and get out of bed, go to work, share time with Mikey and make a step in the right direction. She is there with Lucy and they are so glad that you are their Mommy. One step, one day, one minute at a time. YOU CAN DO IT!
Know that I am sending you Huge Hugz and lots of prayers. God loves you and knows exactly how you feel. Lean on him!
Tracy
I know you can make it thru.... Maggie is watching over you and she is so proud of all that you have accomplished this past year. She is cheering you on every day that you defeat the blues and get out of bed, go to work, share time with Mikey and make a step in the right direction. She is there with Lucy and they are so glad that you are their Mommy. One step, one day, one minute at a time. YOU CAN DO IT!
Know that I am sending you Huge Hugz and lots of prayers. God loves you and knows exactly how you feel. Lean on him!
Tracy
OH Support Group Leader
RNY 296# 5/28/08 Panni removal 150# 3/8/10
My Grandmother was 95 when she passed.. she buried 3 adult children.. She said it was the hardest thing she had ever done. If it was so hard for her.. burying her adult children I can only imagine the pain you must feel...
BUT I agree with Tracey.. Your Maggie and Lucy are in heaven looking down saying mommy.. one foot in front of the other... comeon mom you can do it!! They are your little cheerleaders and I believe they celebrate when you make each and every milestone you make it thru. See them up there smiling?? You can not be in a better place than wrapped in the arms of God.. and to have their cheers while you continue to make it thru each day and raise Mikey.. Honey.. You can do this.. they want you to..
Much Love,
Linda Kay
Linda I have been thinking about you so much also. I know how much it hurts and the big ache that is in our hearts, different but still so alike. I had a rough holiday too and I found that since Christmas it has even been harder. I think I dreaded the holidays so much and kept trying to get thru them and now that they are over it is a big lonely letdown. In fact Sunday, I didn't go to church, had had my jammies on since New Years Eve and never got dressed for 3 days and just cried most of the time. Then I got mad and was saying, "I am so sick of this , I hate this, I don't want this life without Lyn, I want my old life back, I dont want to start a new job and etc" I feel a little better now.
I hope and pray for all of us here no matter what our battle has been in 2009., that 2010 blesses us all with lots of Love Health and Happiness.
Love you all---
Terry
I hope and pray for all of us here no matter what our battle has been in 2009., that 2010 blesses us all with lots of Love Health and Happiness.
Love you all---
Terry
Linda honey - there's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. What you are feeling is normal with the anniversary coming up.
You ARE strong enough to make it through. You have been strong enough to go through more already than most people have to deal with in a lifetime, and you have made it through.
Your little princesses are watching over you from up above, and cheering you on every step of the way. Feel their love, and keep on keeping on.
((((Hugs))))
You ARE strong enough to make it through. You have been strong enough to go through more already than most people have to deal with in a lifetime, and you have made it through.
Your little princesses are watching over you from up above, and cheering you on every step of the way. Feel their love, and keep on keeping on.
((((Hugs))))
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