Xpost: is there good and bad motivation?

"Cause I know some of you don't stray from the Indiana board (Can't say I blame you).

Or is any motivation good?

I'm 3 years out, got to goal and recently have been gaining.  Now I'm faced with needing to lose 25 pounds.

My regain has been due to several things.  Poor nutrition choices, lack of exercise (back injury), eating too often trying to fight off hypoglycemia, and a bit of sabotage from DH.  Hubby and some others have expressed in no uncertain terms that they are much happier now that I am once again overweight.

Today I am making a commitment to get myself back on track and lose this 25 pounds.  Trouble is, I know that I am motivated by rebellion to my husband's attitude.

So the question remains, is there good and bad motivation?  Should I worry that I am motivated by negative feelings?

What part of you being overweight makes your hubby happier, is it your physical apperance or does he see you as having a different attitude when you are smaller? 

Jeannie

I think it stems from his insecurity.

...or, too.....could it be that he "threatened" and less secure when you are thinner?  Alot of our spouses are just natural "enablers"....any change at all is a threat to them. ( not blaming them...just an observation) Introverted mates are often very challenged by changes their mates are going through...(extroverted too...) So...did he sabotage in the beginning too???
....positive or negative  motivations....IMO.....a negative motivation would be if we were losing in order to "please" or receive "affirmation" from others. I would think that most of our motivations and reasons for wanting to lose weight...are mostly "self" motivated....reasons that we each have...."feel-better"...."wear-prettier clothes"...etc.
..... I think there may be more here than simply rebelling against spouses....disapproval...maybe more like "rebelling" against spouses...."control"....????????? (do not mean to offend...please...;)....)   ( i am married to a "master-saboteur" ....control....security issues...etc...I, myself am just coming out from under this...after "realizing" it was there.....DUH...) so....maybe i am just thinking outloud....????

I think as we lose weight we become more confident and self reliant, our families are not used to seeing us like that and it threatens them. 

When I first looked into weight loss surgery I will be honest and say to you that my biggest motivator was that I wanted to look better.  To me it felt decietful to be telling the insurance it was for health reasons when my motivation was vanity.  However, in the end I look better and am healthier so really who cares what motivated me if the end results aren't harming anyone. 

Your hubby probably needs to work on some things in his own head, if he is like my hubby good luck with that one though.  I have tried for years to get my hubby intersted in some marriage counceling.  We have a good marriage but I think with a few kinks worked out it could be a great marriage. 

you had the weight loss surgery for your self...you will re-lose those pounds for yourself and the tool works...and it is not easy but it can be done....think protein protein......and some more protein

Annette,

Bill is quite the opposite to the point that I would watch what I was eating just because I didn't want to hear him say 'are you suppose to be having that?'.  I had gotten down to 145 lb not long after the coma. The docs didn't like it that I lost weight so quick. Not to mention, everything was going right through me. Now, I've been hovering at a very comfortable 165 lbs. I don't consider that 20 lb gain as doing too bad especially when I keep in mind that I haven't been able to exercise at all for over 2 years. From what I've seen, a 20-25 lb weight gain is pretty normal. But..if my stomach ever gets fixed to where I can exercise again, I do plan to try to get back down to 145 (or less). BUT...I'll be doing it for me (and the closetful of clothes I had bought when I was that size).

So...quit worrying about why you are doing it. If it's enough to propel you to do what you feel is right (getting at an optimal healthy weight range), then, hang on to that motivation! You might would want to see if hubby is willing to go to some counsoling with you to work on the sabatoge issues. You are far enough out that he should be comfortable knowing that you aren't going to get to a size 6 and say 'see ya' to him. I personally feel though that there is no such thing as 'bad motivation' when it comes to a person doing what is good for them.

This reminds me of when I was in high school. My older sister had dropped out of HS. When I was going through my rebelious teen moment (for ~3 months when I was 15), my step-father had made the comment that I was going to be just like Kathy and drop out of HS too. That made me determined to finish just to prove him wrong. I graduated the end of my Jr. year (with a few extra credits!!). After the ceremony, I gave him a hug and said 'I told you I'd graduate'. So...his comment propelled me to do the right thing...for the wrong reason (so I could shove his statement in his face). As a parent/grandparent I can see that perhaps he knew I would react that way and do all I could just to prove him wrong. Bad motivator? Dr. Phil would probably say 'yes'...but....it DID make me do what was right so I'm sure my step-dad could care less if I did it just to prove him wrong. The important thing was that I did do it.

hugs...
Sherri

as far as "good" and "bad" motivation...
who cares...
YOU make that motivation good for you!!!!
make it positive, put YOUR twist on it!!!
as far as dh....
i can personally attest (after having lost over 100 lbs and getting skinny my ex hubby left me for a "big girl"..) that my ex husband was threatened by my success and the fact that i actually gained self confidence w. the weight loss...
i think maybe you should sit down with your dh and actually discuss this and let him know that you are not only wanting to lose the weight for yourself, but for him and your entire family...you want to be around long enough to enjoy things w. him in old age!!!!
good luck sweetie
hugs
p