Been MIA....and a question

I joined a while back and posted a little, but work has kept me away a lot....so I lurk and don't always post.  Sorry I haven't been a more active member, but right now I could really use some words of encouragement.

I have been approved to finally get my gastric bypass done.  I did my three month diet, lost the weight I was supposed to lose-now we're just waiting on the final word from the insurance company.  None of that is the problem.  My problem is other people not wanting me to have the surgery!  I am a nurse and have seen some..unpleasant...complications people have had with bypass surgery.  Nobody that I work with (except for one or two) are supportive of me AT ALL.  My husband is super supportive, as is my family, but it is so hard to be faced with people that are solid in thinking that this is the wrong decision.  I love the people I work with-and many of them are fabulous friends-and I do understand their concern-but it makes me angry (with them for not being supportive) and sometimes doubtful that I should do this at all (b/c of the possible complications).  I tried to explain that people can have complications from having their tonsils out or a simple hysterectomy....and that the complications of me staying overweight is just as great...but it still doesn't change.  I actually had someone ask me the other day if I've ever just tried diet/exercise.  I know this is a personal decision and I am set that this IS what I'm going to do-but I guess I'd just like to know that I'm not the only person to go thru this.  I talked to my dr. and his PA about it the last time I was in and they said "Those people (with the complications) didn't have their surgeries at our facility-and you need to come to a support group to see the GOOD that comes from WLS."

Any advice, support, or great comebacks are appreciated :).

There are certain things in life that are great to be selfish about as it bring great self preservations - your wls journey is that. Having this surgery is a selfish act that will bring you great reward, so don't worry about what anyone has to say negatively about it. They aren't in your shoes, they aren't in your unhealthy status, they aren't you and never will be & therefore will never understand or be near supportive. Probably..... EVER! Just worry about you. As long as you know what you are doing is the best thing for you.... just continue to be selfish and worry about just you. And when they say hurtful things just tell them you'r being selfish, lol!

Hang in there and good luck

Jodi

I agree with everything Jodi said.  I have had people say stuff like that to me, and at first I really let it get to my head, but now I just acknowledge that they are my friends/family and they are just concerned about me. 

I am a Dr Mattar patient too!  I wish you luck :)

Stacy Walker

I also had "nay sayers" pre op and this is how I handled it. 

I assured my friends and family that I had done tons of research and most of the ugly things they "knew" about surgery was outdated and the surgery had much improved over the years to the point where it is no more dangerous than gall bladder surgery.  I was also able to quote my surgeons personal stats, 1 death in 800 patients, the death was from a blood clot in a person pron to blood clots and knew the risks but chose surgery anyway.

I assured everyone that I had complete confidence in my surgeon and was fully prepared for what was to come.  I asked each of them for their support and explained that it was an extremely stressful time trying to prepare for all that needed to be done.  I was honest and explained that " while I appreciate your concern and know it is genuine, I ask that you please support my decison, if you are not able to please respect that this is a stressful time and that you not add to my stress". 

I think sometimes when we have been heavy for most of our lives we forget how to stick up for ourselves.  Now is the time to stand up tall, know you have made the right decision for yourself and embrace those who support you and ignore those who don't. 

Unfortunatally it has been my experience that even after surgery you will still have those who feel compelled to tell you about their great aunt ethels neighbors friend who died of wls, I have no idea why?  I just answer with a "thats very unfortunate" and move on, knowing full well in my head that this person probably never met aunt ethels neighbors friend and only knows bits and peices of the story.

Jeannie

Thank you guys so much for your help.  It definitely helps to hear from people who have been either in this situation-or have had wls and know what that in itself is like.  I'm not letting their opinions and comments change my mind, but it does get to me.  I'll hold my head high and continue on!

Good job on getting your 3 month diet done.
I was always told you lead by example .

I had alot of people say  it was the easy way out ,my sil is still waiting on me to fail...
But i was the one worried about my surgery i tryed to back out at everyturn always worried about the what ifs and etc.I was told i had 6 months to a year to live and still was thinking of the worst..

But as Jodi said this is for you and i will tell you it is the best thing i have ever done for myself,put yourself first and dont listen to everyone else.

I did have a couple of complications after my surgery and i will tell you i would still do it again in a heart beat...
Good luck with your journey