Monday, Monday...

Hello friends. It's Monday. Kind of a blue Monday, hence the coloring on here. Maggie's birthday is this coming Saturday. She would have been 6 years-old. Last Saturday night we tried to go grocery shopping. When we passed the cakes with no need to buy I started crying and sobbing. We left and went home. We did make it through Sunday though and got some food, thank goodness.

Mikey's coming home from my parents' house today. Tomorrow he starts middle school. Mike pointed out to me when we were alone this weekend that in six or so years, that's how it's always going to be. I want another baby. I can't have one though. I can't afford to reverse my tubal ligation, and even if I could afford that, I can't actually afford a baby and that things that go along with that. Sigh. Mike doesn't want more kids anyway. He feels like he's 37, and doesn't want to start over with an infant. I don't necessarily like that, but I will respect it, because I feel very strongly that every baby deserves to be wanted by its parents. I may have been young and not thinking wonderfully, but I'm proud that I could tell any of my kids, you were wanted! You see, I was an accident. A loved accident, but still....

I am going to make it through this week. It's also especially hard because school starts tomorrow. And, well, you know. I wanted to be sending my 1st grader to school too.

Linda,

I am so sorry you are feeling blue this morning.  I can't imagine what you are going through but my heart hurts for you.  If you remember,  my nephew passed in May of this year.  I know my pain and I am only an aunt.  I know that it will get "better", however the pain is real now.  Know that I think of you and your family often and pray for you all as well. 

Kim

Love and prayers... I can understand not starting over again with a new one... but then again a new one will not keep you from missing Maggie... Maggie was the sunshine in your life the twinkle in your eye... a new little one even if she/he never cried or made a fuss would just not fill the empty space...

I had a sister tell me she could take more time to spend with me to fill my need for my sister that passed in May... but you know as much as I love the sisters I have... NO one can replace Rita.. she was unique.. one of a kind... I miss her in about everything I do...I love all my sisters equally but differently because they all filled a special place in my life... Rita was my spontanious one who could keep me hopping.. always making me feel like I was so smart and gifted... sigh...now I am just normal...

Be well and God loves you sweetie..

I am so happy we can post about anything. Even it is not always bubbly. I feel I can share about how much I miss my brother. He passed away 1 year ago in Dec. He faced his death with such courage. We spent many hours just talking. He knew his end of life was close, yet he always showed concern for others. He made me feel like the little sister, regardless of my REAL age. We were very much cut out of the same cloth and understood each others thoughts. Thank you for opening this discussion and allowing me to honor my beloved brother today. Our loved ones may be gone in body, but they will always have a profound inpact on our lives. For that I am grateful.

You know most of us got fat because we had no way to deal with the emotions going on in our lives, it helped to smother the feelings with food. now that we know that food isnt the answer to our problems we have to learn how to reach out to others and have other venues to vent.. talking toeachother about our sorrows, joys and frustrations helps stay away from the thing that masde us fat to begin with.. I will let you talk about your brother anytime just as youwill let me cry on your computer when I need to.

Linda Kay

Very wise! I believe your sister was right. You are creative and beautiful. Cry, laugh, shout on my computer any time you want. Wendy

Linda I'm so sorry. I too kind of know how bad it can feel to mourn, though a parent is not like a child. I hope you get through this week as best as possible. I think of you often.

Ayreka