OT...The Dillard's Shopping Bag

OMG I got this in an email ...this is tooooooooo funny...had to share...hope y'all get a laff! The Dillard's Shopping Bag (This is just too funny! This could only be true; you simply can't make this stuff up!) 

  Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit---no fli es, no smell. What business could that poor kitty have had here?" murmured Ellen.    "Come on, Ellen, let's just go..."    But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, I'll just put my things in your bag, and then I'll take the tissue."   She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the former feline into her own Dillard's bag and cover it.  They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the TEXAS sunshine while they ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell. They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to Luby's cafeteria.    After they cleared the serving line and sat down at a window table, they had a view of Kay's Chevy with the Dillard's bag still on the trunk. BUT not for long!    As they ate, they noticed a black-haired woman in a red gingham shirt stroll by their car, look quickly this way and that, and then hooked her arm into the Dillard's bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out of their line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement.    It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond.  "Can you imagine?" finally sputtered Ellen. "The nerve of that woman!" Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought  about the grand surprise awaiting the red-gingham thief.  Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her gaze, Kay recognized with a shock the black-haired woman with THE Dillard's bag, hanging from her arm, brazenly pushing her tray toward the cashier.    Helplessly they watched the scene unfold: After clearing the register, the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair  and began to eat. After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure. Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag.  Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise. The noise  grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest.    The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer in trouble and  sent the busboy to call 911, while she administered the Heimlich maneuver.   A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, *****mained riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived.    In a matter of minutes the curly-haired woman emerged from the crowd, still gasping, strapped securely on a gurney. Two well-trained EMS volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings. The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar, she disappeared behind the ambulance doors, ......................... the Dillard's bag perched on her stomach!!    Sometimes, God does take care of those who do bad things! (AND once in  awhile..He allows us to witness it!)      

 IT WASN'T ME- HONEST!!!! I DID GET A BIG LAUGH OUT OF THIS- IT MAKES YOU WONDER!   I WAS IN TEXAS AT ONE TIME, HAVE EATEN AT LUBY'S AND SHOPPED AT DILLARDS, BUT NOT WITH A DEAD CAT IN THE BAG- GEEZE!!!!  I ALSO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND NAMED KAY- OK, SOMEONE PICKEN ON US??HEE~HEE!!! GOTTA LOVE HOW THE CONSEQUENCES OF OUR DEEDS CAN MESS US UP, BIG TIME! TALK ABOUT LESSON LEARNED- CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW SHE EXPLAINED WHAT WAS IN THE BAG AT THE HOSPITAL- ANYONE THINKING "LOONEY BIN??" THE LORD DOES WORK IN SOME MIGHTY POWERFUL WAYS TO WAKE US UP!!! POINT TAKEN!!! (((HUGS)))  THE OTHER--- ELLEN

LOL Ellen....I too have been to Dillard's and Luby's...but I never found a dead cat!  LOL

Sure seems like something my Texas posse and I would do though!  LOL I didn't make up the names!  LOL huggggggggggs Janene