my son

Hi everyone, I'm  venting so please bear with, as most of you how now me know I have a 14 yr old son and 13 yr old daughter. today took son to dr for a rash. dr sends son from rm and jumps me. son is 5'9 and weighs 315. now a little history on son 3 yrs ago he was jumped by his half sister in one of her bipolar rages she did ligament damage and fractured his leg. it didnt heal right and he is on a waiting list for shriners to get it fixed right. his dad was last time is saw him close to 600 pounds and I was well over 400  before my surgery. son had gone to this dr earlier this year ( the stairs at school caused him alot of pain and he wanted to take motrin at school they will only allow tylenol unless dr order) so this dr gives us the order but also puts son on restrictions at school minimal pe participation and to use elevator instead of stairs and gave him vicodin for pain ( i make him use stairs and his vicodin is very limited.) he cant ride a bike and cant do alot of activity in the mean time with my diet changes I have changed his too, no sweets, reduced carbs  and fat,ect.  mon homade veg soup, tue broccoli cheese soup, tonight itialian bean soup.( soups are always homemade so i know exactly what I put in them) dr says he is eating when im not home, wrong! its not here to eat dr says he must be doing it at school or friends houses. my son makes pretty good choices most of the time (like when the math teacher was having a ice cream party for every so many right answers they could add extra scoops,fudges,topping ect son asked teacher if he could bring in fruit instead if we supplied it)  but he is still a kid whose going to occasionally have pizza or nachos at football games with his  friends. Dr says i need to make son loose weight or else. I asked dr if he would talk to son..no ..says its too sensitive a subject at his age for dr to do it,ok, ask dr about any meds to help, no his age. they are going to check his thyroid on friday at least he will do that.  Dr says son is supposed to only eat fish and vegetables. he hates fish unless its in stick form.so what am i supposed to do a 14 yr old isnt going to give up teenage foods altogether but they are limited to only once a week  occasionally 2 x a week. if its a big playoff time.  sorry for going on so long just very aggrivated this is the dr sons insurance chose for him so this is my only choice in drs.

Sorry to hear you are having so many problems.  Hope you are feeling better.  I really think I would be taking my son to another Doctor.  Just something to think about. Hugs

Deborah

 Thanks Deb, its not really a problem just dealing with a dr who has never been obese. to them the answer is just eat less exercise more plain and simple. I think all drs who "deal" with obese patients should have to go thru a seminar with the drs from St v who do know how to help people I was just venting sry

Oh sweetie, I know there is nothing more painful for a mother than trying to help her child(without optimal results) and then being jumped on by an assuming doctor. I would have went off on the doc...he's working for you, ya know. First, I would ask for a referral to an endocrinologist to have metabolic testing done..That will take this doc almost out of the equation. There's no Endo, in their right mind that will think this topic is off limits to a kid. It's a a tough subject, but dealing with this now will give him strength and may prevent him having to deal with it later. Secondly, there plenty of exercises that he can do with an injured leg......swimming(huge benefits-and he doesn't have to go when a whole bunch of people are there-if he's self conscious), beginner's yoga is very low impact and can stretch and lengthen his muscles, taking some pressure off his knee until his surgery. Also, even though I do not agree with the fish thing(you can't shove fish down me with a gun) I would suggest a low carb/high protein diet with the 90/10 theory(90 % is stick to the diet, 10% is being a teen). Any weight he can lose will be a great help to his recovery after leg reconstruction. these are just suggestions and I want you to follow YOUR mind and heart in dealing with this. I knwo those doctor can make us feel like we are stupid, but you are his mother. Hugs, Angie

I diffently would ask for a referral to another doctor for a second opinion. I'm in a similar situtation as yourself though my son has finally started to loose weight he is still pretty big for his age 210 lbs. My son has problems exercising because of a foot deformaty (sp?)... but I try to keep him active as much as possible. As for your son... if he or you are looking for activities for him how about volunteering with your local Special Olympics group. They are always looking for unified partners (participants that are not disabled). Participating in some sports would be low impact for him and would probably increase any self image problems by making him proud for helping out the less fortunate. Just something to consider. Hope you find a solution. Good Luck! Jodi

You might consider talking to your bariatric surgeon and nutritionist about him.  I'm not saying that wls is right for him right now, if ever.  But they deal with this kind of thing all the time.  They maybe able to help you to help him in other ways (nutrition counseling, meds, whatever). Fat parents tend to have fat children (this is not an insult, the facts are genetics and conditioning  go hand in hand) and it isn't very easy to change what you have taught your children before you  had your surgery.  I know, I'm going through the same thing with my kids.  I thought I was teaching my kids to eat better than I was taught, only to find out after surgery that I didn't know what I was really teaching them. I have learned so much since surgery that I didn't know before.  I'm working on changing their attitudes about food and nutrition, but it is very difficult to do since the change isn't coming from inside them like it had to for me before I was willing to make the necessary changes. Each of us has made the decision that we want to change our lives and we've decided that we  are willing to "do whatever it takes" (wls), but our kids don't feel that same drive because they haven't experienced everything we have (not just condemnation from peers, they've probably already had some of that).  They don't have the life experience yet to fully realize the ramifications of their extra weight.  Plus they are always hearing that they are "still growing".  This is true, but  not at the rate they were growing when they were babies.   I agree with the others, you probably need to look for another doctor for him.  That may require  you to change insurance (I had to do that once to get a different pediatrician).  But in the mean- time, talk to your surgeon and nutritionist.  See if they can give you and him some help in the interim.   They are the specialists.  They may even have ideas about other tests that should be run that will give you more information that may help him. Good luck!