Falling back into bad habits

HI all, been a while since I've been on the board. Peter has been very ill, we're waiting for a bone marrow transplant for him right now. He's very weak all the time, blood count is falling, esp platelets & hemoglobin, and he is needing cronic blood transfusions lately. He was in yesterday for the second transfusion in 2 weeks . I'm having to be his care-giver, chaufer, financial officer (personal and business), POA, Health Care Advocate, researcher, family and friend up-dater, wife, mother, friend, business partner, secretary, and somewhere in there I get a moment or 2 for me.  We've made one of many trips to Indy for the transplant center, and I've already spent hours in the Goshen Hospital with him. I wouldn't have it any other way because he's the love of my life and I want to be there for him through it all, but it's taking it's tole on me. With all that I'm dealing with, I'm fuming because I find myself grazing again!  I got on the scale and found I had gained 25 lbs since my last fill (March-07), and I'm mad as *!@# at myself! That's why I'm going to see if I can go in for a fill this week, back on fluids and knowing that I won't be able to eat those things I'm leaning on right now.  Before this gain I was only 20lbs from goal! I know it's just a small amount campared to what I could gain before the sx, but it's still just as frustrating! Well, thanks for letting me vent, I know you all understand what I'm going through! Well, gotta go feed the troops now. All the boys came down for Thanksgiving and we're having a leftover casserole tonight to polish off the rest of it. It's in the oven and I gotta get it ready to eat! TTFN Hope

Hello Hope,   I dont know you other than seeing a couple of post from you once in awhile. I just wanted to say that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family now, and I wish you all the best. Hang in there.

Hope,

 Hi there! Listen, right now you are going thru so much and none of us are walking in your shoes- so take all of this with the love it is written in.  You are so right- the time is NOW to get this under control and back to your healthy self. I know you must concentrate on all of Peter's needs, but don't forget to take time for yours. Start getting in your protein in first, and then get back to fruits & veggies. Grazing just leads to more grazing- believe me, I know!!!! Call for that appointment right away, email me anytime you need to "vent", talk or just need a shoulder to lean on, and know I am praying for you both!!  I love ya, lil Sis, Ellen

Hope,

I was so sorry to read about the problems Peter has been having. I'm sorry that I didn't contact you after learning about them. I was/am busy having a few issues of my own so I do hope you'll forgive me for not responding to your email about what was going on. Medical issues certainly affect more than just the patient. With all of mine, Bill has lost weight, Tiffany has gained. We all also deal with these issues differently. Tiffany is definately my daughter and what goes better in a waiting room than chips, rolls, etc.? Bill, on the other hand, doesn't emotionally eat. So, it is very understandable that you had gained weight during this. But yes..getting back with the program is the best thing you can do for you. That, and keep healthy grazing foods with you at all times. Bring carrot and celery sticks in a ziplock to these appointments. Right now my pouch is going through this funny little stage of thinking I'm a newbie for 2 out of 3 meals a day. For breakfast, I'm lucky if I can get down 2 bites. That's 'bites', not ounces. So..1/2 ounce maybe. For lunch? 2 ounces maybe. Finally at dinner I'll be able to get 6-8 oz in. At 3 yr post-op, 8-12 oz is 'normal'. Because of this, I have been allowing myself some healthy grazing...cheese cubes, celery with peanut butter, protein beef sticks, etc. I may eat 5-6 'meals' a day but I'm still getting in about 1/2 to 2/3 of my normal intake. I just try to get in as much protein as I can with what I do eat. We're praying for you and Peter and your family Hope.  Sherri

I am sorry for what is going on... The only thing I can say is you need to make yourself your number 1 priority.. This is not to sound mean or rude but here is why... If you dont feel good you cant help your family out as needed. I have made this mistake and that is why I say that and yes I know its hard not to make your family number 1 when they are sick. You need to look at the food BEFORE you eat and think it will make you sick... and if you gotta snack then get healthy food.. I just went through my Grandpa having Lukemia over the summer... I was told by my family that I am not helping anyone because I was not taking care of myself and eatting junk food cuz that is what the hospital offered... They did not want to have to visit me there too because of my blood pressure getting high, or my anxiety attacks, or little things that put me in the hospital... I am really not trying to sound rude but your family needs you and a little bit of weight now can hurt you in the long run... I just dont want you to be one of the storys the doctor tells me about people gaining weight after surgery... I am really not trying to sound rude, and if you need to talk then you can email me... I know exactally what you are going through...

Hope, I'm so sorry to hear you and Peter are going through so much right now.  Try to keep your grazing healthy and you might try chewing gum.  That helped me out when my grandmother was dieing.  Take heart, you are doing the best you can right now.