Is too much support a bad thing?

OK, so I love my husband, family and friends.  They've been totally supportive about my decision to have this surgery.  But as that day approaches, our closest friends keep wanting to go out to some of our favorite restaurants, or share big meals, to help me "go out with a bang."  Frankly, I'm getting tired of it, and just want to eat healthy and at home.  Also, they're saying things like "we can't wait for you to have surgery so we can lose weight too."  Now, I know this is out of love, they're great, and I'm blessed to have them.  But when I decided to do this, it was a personal decision and not a group one.  I didn't want to let my choice impact those around me.  I thought perhaps they'd feel guilty eating around me.  But now I'm starting to feel pressure that if they're not losing weight too, we're all going to be miserable!   Thanks for letting me vent.  I don't think I'm looking for solutions, I can talk with my husband and friends about these feelings.  I'm just curious, has anyone else experienced something similar?

Jessica I have somewhat to an extent. I even lost a so called friend because she got pregnant right round the time I had my surgery and she was angry that I was going to be skinny by the time her baby was born. Sorry but that's not my problem. I tried to stay friends with her but she has been a snot now sooo I just avoid that because I have enough drama in my life with my family and don't need that added to it. My husband wanted to go to all of  "our" favorite restaurants like as soon as I got my date but I wasn't really in to it. I had my last favorite meal and couldn't even eat near as much as I did in the past and it ended up making me soo sick to my stomach. It made me happy though because that was all the more reason to give up them foods. Now he's eating healthier because we try to keep a mostly no fail enviroment food wise (not that I can eat much if at all LOL) but it's the point that we keep mostly healthier foods. He is starting to lose weight with me now and it's really neat because he has a good 50 lbs he can stand to lose. We have our own little competition going now too because I've never weighed less than him and since I've gotten within a couple lbs he's really working hard to lose weight as well. Ultimately I'll pass him because well I have this tool and while I may plateau for a few days or so I generally have a big loss as I break a stall. Anyways this turned into a story book but thats just been my experience.. Your date is approaching quickly, I'm super excited for you, how are you feeling??

We can't help but be examples to all that know us.  People are going to notice.  I went to an event this weekend with people there that had not seen me in a year.  It was very obvious to them that I had lost weight.  You then get the questions, Are you Sick? Do you feel OK? Gosh, I had a friend that had that surgery and she is in a nursing home on life support...etc, etc, etc.  You will have to learn to roll with the punches.  Take pleasure in the decision you have made and rejoice that you make a lifestyle change that will allow you to STAY at a healthy weight and activity level.  Over time people will forget you were obese and treat you with respect and love.  Don't let the devil steal your JOY. 

TGBTG

E

 

Jessica,

I would typically have lunch by myself pre-op. I would get in my truck, smoke all the way to my favorite dive, order my favorite at the drive-through, chow it down and then chain-smoke on my way back to work. I quit smoking 2 months prior to my surgery. The month before my surgery, I would go to whichever dive, order my 'favorite' and then while eating it, I would explain to the food why I could no longer have it. By the time I would get that last bite into my mouth, I knew I would never have it again. And I haven't. That was like a funeral of sorts. I told that food 'good-bye'. Others have tried this and it has worked for them as well.

I would suggest that you tell your well-meaning friends that you are in the process of telling your faves good-bye and that the places they want to go to have already been told 'good-bye'. I would also tell your friends..which this is very true...that if you gain too much weight before your surgery, it could cause your surgery to be post-poned because your sugar levels, blood pressure, etc is all affected by your weight. So you'd really prefer not to take any chances. Keep in mind though that if you do go to one of your favorite places, you CAN find a new favorite dish....grilled chicken salad, grilled tenderloin, roasted turkey sandwich, etc. There is something healthy on just about every menu these days. Even Micky D's has salad entre's now. As to their weight loss/gain...don't put that on your shoulders! You are responsable for your weight..that's all! You aren't responsable for your hubby's weight either. You can be sure healthy choices are the only choices in your household..but you can't stalk your hubby at work or your kids at school to be sure they are making healthy choices when they aren't with you. Nor can you ensure your friends make good choices. It has been scientifically proven however that if the majority of your friends are over-weight, you have a higher chance of being overweight also...because if they are sitting there stuffing their face with fries, we tend to munch on the fries too. So when around your friends (and when you aren't), if you must munch, make it healthy carrot sticks, celery, etc. In that regard, they just may lose a few pounds.  I think you're very fortunate to have such good friends...and I'm sure they would understand if you just said 'nah...I'm really not in the mood for pizza today'. Sherri

Thanks all for your support, you're the best!  As my day approaches, I'm anxious and excited, and not a bit scared.  I'm just ready to start the next phase!