anxiety

I'm so overwhelmed with emotion.  I'm feeling so many things at once..I'm excitied that I'll be getting a surgery date sometime within the next 30 days but at the same time...I'm scared and happy and excitied and nervous and well I dunno just all these things at once.  I know my life is about to change and I know EVERYTHING I've known and done the past 33 yrs will be different.  I'll be able to do things I've never done before or in a very long time.  I know it's all a few years away but I'm just nervous---I've NEVER been thin.  NEVER.  I don't know how it's going to hit me or make me feel or if I'm going to lose my mind.  I watched a documentry a few years ago about a woman who lost weight from WLS and when she got thinner she started parting and sleepin around and dyed her hair and well just totally went nutso.  I partied alot in my earlier 20s so I'm not so worried about that, I've had lots of fun and sex and all that.  I'm just concerned with the reaction men will give me---how will I feel to have lots of men look at me or smile or hold a door open (not just the BBW admirers).  I love my husband and am not looking to change anything at all we've been together for 7 years and I love him emensley.  I'm just scared that somehow the weight loss will change something in me.  Hell I dunno it may sound crazy but this is just how I feel.   I keep thinking about the little things that will change for me---like not having to turn sideways to walk down my hall, not having to have someone help me walk up or down stairs, being able to walk through a store and shop, hell just being able to WALK period.  I can't wait for the day I can play ball with my nephews and nieces.  I want to play baseball again sooo bad, I've always loved playing my weight never stopped me in my younger years I love it.  It did stop me from playing in high school because of what the other kids would say.  We played in PE and my teacher always let me be a team leader because she knew I had a good knowledge of the game and could see the strong points in people and know where to put them on the field.  Last summer my nephews and nieces and I played catch in the lake and they were all cheering for me when I'd jump for the ball and catch it or throw it real far---I had alot of fun.  It was easy for me to play in the water---I could never stand and play catch or dive for a ball on land.  Hell I'll be happy to just be able to sit in the heat and watch them play ball in their league.  As it is now I can't sit out there too long if it's real hot---I get over heated and short of breath easily.   I'm just spilling my thoughts a lil.  Thanks for reading. Always, ~Angie!

I know how you feel about worrying about the WLS changing you, I was so worried about it changing me too and I'm worried bout any jealousy or anything it might bring out in my husband but we sat down and have talked about things over and over because of it. I am still terrified at times how I will react to getting skinny but I know that I have a great husband and he will be great.

I think what you are feeling is normal.  I have had so many things go thru my mind since I started all this back in June.  I still do have things going through my mind.  I like to believe that I wont change and I dont think I will, but I am not there yet so I cant say for sure.  I hope I dont anyways. We will be fine.  I guess if we do start to see change that we dont like we will need to get some counseling.  Good luck to you in your journey. Jenny

I have changed.  Remember change is good in a sense that old habits caused problems. I no longer eat 2 bags of vending machine chips when things go wrong at work.  I express my feelings quicker rather then crawl back into old habits. I treat the wife and family with respect and freely give information as to my feelings.  I don't hide feelings now. I rejoice that change has happened. I do not try to be the old me. I am the new me. I was reborn on 4-13-07. God is my guide and will be faithful. Bless all of you. E

I can understand just what you are saying. I went through a lot of the same feelings and heck still do at times. My DH wasn't as supportive as I wanted him to be (my controlling self!) and so I told him that I was doing this with or without him or any one else for that matter. I didn't need anyone! Boy was I wrong! My best GF told me that maybe I should tell him that I was doing this for my health and for both of us. This way we would be able to do the things that we use to do and enjoy a longer life together. I told him that for 19 years we went through things side by side and hand in hand and I wanted the same for this. I asked him if we were in this together and he said yes and things have been wonderful since. Thank God for my best GF. He is very supportive and helps me through this liquid diet too. I know I will change but for the best. I will still be me. I am a bit nervous about DH being jealous since he has a tendency to be that way now and I could never figure out why since there wasn't a line at my door! lol But I guess he just loves me. I know that things will work out for you and for me too. I just keep in mind "If God brings you to it He will get you through it."

Angie-- First congratulations on finding a doctor and getting approved for surgery--I read through some of your blog and it sounds like you have had a struggle.  I can completely understand your worries about how men may react to you once you have WLS--that was one of the primary reasons I put off getting serious about WLS for so long.  Not that I think I am going to be really attractive once I lose the weight, but I was sexually abused as a child and that really messed with my perceptions and attitudes of men.  I had to have lots of therapy to deal with those issues and to understand all my reasons for becoming the weight that I am.  I still have a little concern about how I will handle the comments, etc from men, however I also know that I am an adult and I have control over myself.  I don't know if sexual abuse is an issue for you as well, but if it is, you might want to explore the issue some more with a counselor in the time leading up to your surgery.  I know, for me, I realized that I used my weight to shield me from sexual advances. Keep focusing on all the wonderful and ordinary things you will be able to do once you have the surgery.  I have yet to be approved for surgery, but to keep myself motivated during this process, I keep a list of all the things that I want to do when I lose weight--everything from having a picnic sitting on the grass to riding a bicycle is on that list--and anytime I question whether or not the hassle of getting the surgery is worth it--I pull out that list and remind myself that it is! Good luck and best wishes!

Where have you been hiding GF!!!!  I have missed you!!!!  Girl...those feelings are all legit! but like morningglory says...talk to hubby...say you are doing this for you both and to be healthy so you can enjoy doing things together and live happily ever after for a LONG time! One thing that you do have to do is make the hubby still feel like you need him...don't make it always about YOU...yes you had surgery...and yes the "little things" are BIG things to us...but put our spouses in first place once in a while....and it will be fine... See you on yahoo soon I HOPE! HUGGGGGGGGGGS Janene