Bad Self-Esteem Day!

Hi Everyone, I felt like I needed to just get my thoughts out so I could begin to get past these feelings.  I just don't feel very good about myself today.  I'm having a hard time dealing with all the physical changes going on with my body right now.  I have lost an amazing amount of weight and I should be feeling so proud of myself right now but all I see is a mess.  I have skin hanging everywhere and my hair is falling out and worst of all....I still don't see with my eyes any real results of the weight loss.  I feel like I'm still as big as I was 133lbs ago but with all these other problems now to boot.  I know in my head that I'm smaller because of the sizes of my clothes.  It just doesn't translate to the mirror.   I have made an appointment to go and cut my hair....this is my desperate attempt to regain control over my hair.  I am terrified that I’m going to be bald before the loss stops.  I am only 5 months out and I have already lost so much.   I have bought a “smoother” for under my clothes cos of all the skin hanging. Trying to feel better about how I look in clothes at least....naked...lets not go there!    I want the way that I feel everyday…better health, more energy, like I have a future, to also be how I feel about the way I look!  I want to feel sexy again…but I feel like a deflated balloon (and as bald as one) instead.  I have taken the only steps that I could think of and I'm hoping that maybe some of my fellow Hoosier Losers could give me some advice on how you dealt with all these body changes.  

 

 

Thanks for listening!

 

Hugs!

 

Andrea, I'm preop so I can't say I know how you feel.  But I already have thinning hair.  I read somewhere that one aid in that area is to put the self tanning moisturizer, the gradual kinds like Jergens, on your scalp in the thin areas to slightly darken your scalp and reduce the contrast between the glaring white scalp and hair.  I've done this three times in the last week and I think it does help your hair look thicker.  I've said for years, whoever invents scalp dye is going to get richer than Bill Gates!   Also don't be afraid to do what works for you.  I wear my hair essentially in a mullet and screw what people think, it works for me.  If my crown hair gets too long it flops over and shows my thin spots. I'm sure the wiser voices here will be able to talk to you about getting the mirror image to line up with your mental image.  I've read that it takes time.  But oh woman, you've lost so much weight!  You're a goddess and my HERO!   CELEBRATE that energy!  Cherish being pain free!  And we'll love you while you learn to love yourself. 

Andrea, I myself have not had the surgery yet , but I have some tips for you! When you go to your hairdresser ask her to hook you up with some Nioxen! It works wonders, it helps stimulate new hair growth. ( I  was a cosmatologist for 6 years) I once had a client who lost all of her hair through chemo and just couldnt get it to come back for anything. She did the nixon shampoo, conditioner, and treatments and she now has the most beautiful hair I have ever seen. I promise it works and the way it feels on the scalp is wonderful too!!! Also I can just imagine the emotions you are going through with the "bedroom outfit"... have you tried nightys or other gowns...thats always a "new thing" and ,ay make you feel sexier ! There is always a way around things, its just figuring them out!!!! Dont ever feel bad about what you have tried so hard to  achieve. Your beauty shines from the inside out...Even the most gorgeouse person can be absolutley hiddious, its what you make yourself. I dont know you, but I am proud of you.. I am proud of anyone who has gone through what you already have and have contiued their journey! Keep it up and treat yourself to a hot makeover ( just for yourself..to give you that confidence back)...Dont be down...remeber where you came from and what your life used to be like....Was it worth it??? Lisa K

I am 6 months out, and 90 pounds down, and I think it just takes time for the brain to catch up with the body, you know? I still don't see myself 90 pounds lighter. You'll be glad to know that in the last couple weeks, my hair loss has stopped. I am so relieved about that. I was really upset about the hair loss, too.  Linda Vicory

Andrea (and other Newbies & pre-ops), First, let me congradulate you on the wonderful weight loss! Hair...Most dieticians are recommending post-ops to get on Biotin. It's a water-soluable Vitamin B tablet. I was recommended 300 mcg/day (but I take more than that). It certainly does help! Self-image....Often our eyes were bigger than our tummies pre-op...we listened to our eyes, rather than our tummy....which is why we got as big as we did. So, we ALL know our eyes give us faulty information!  Just as we learned to listed to our tummy telling us 'I'm full', we also have to learn to listen to our body! Remember pre-op..what, a size 22-24...and thinking 'gosh, if only I could fit into a size 14/16, I would be thrilled!'. I don't know what size you were or are..but I do know you are much smaller now than you were so you have so much to be proud of! The loose skin? Well shoot, some of us sharpai's look at it as just part of the process. Yep, I have tons of loose skin. Can't be helped, not after loosing 170 lbs, but I would rather have this loose skin than the bloated up fat I once had. I know, not everyone can or does feel the way I do. You have to understand though that when I was pre-op, I didn't look in the mirror and see a fat, unattractive woman. I saw an unhealthy one. Now, I see a healthy one. My husband's ex'es were all BBW's (Big Beautiful Women) so he NEVER made me feel undesirable. I think the way people viewed themselves pre-op is going to affect how well they adjust to their new image post-op. If they have a healthy attitude and know that real beauty comes within, then they are going to view their new body as an improvement. If they don't, they may have problems accepting themselves no matter how much weight they lose or even after much plastic surgery.  So is it hopeless for those people (and I say 'people' because men often have this issue as well)? No. I do recommend those people to seek couseling. Learn to love yourself. Easier said than done, I know...which is why I recommend couseling. Sometimes, a few sessions is all that is needed. Other times, it helps to be involved in some group sessions so it can be realized that this happens to many, many people. Sometimes, an anti-depressant is needed. Only a professional can say for sure what is the correct action for each individual. It would do no good for me to say 'Andrea, celebrate the person you are!', I wi**** would. I hope that you seek couseling so that you will be able to see the beautiful person that everyone else sees when they look at you. Sherri

Thank You All so much for all your helpful advice!  The thing I tend to forget most often is patience.  I have so much for everyone else and none for myself.  I need to make sure I give myself the time for my body to adjust to all the changes and the time for my mind to adjust too.  It is just so disheartenig to think about all the hard work I have been putting into my weight-loss and to feel that I looked better when I was fat.  I know that I did't feel better and I would never go back to that but....at least everything wasn't so distorted in my head!  I thought I was thinner when I was fatter and now I think I'm fatter when I'm smaller!  How cruel is the human brain!  =o)    I was talking to my hubby about what I was feeling last night and he was so wonderful. He sat there and listened to me and let me cry and then he said that he was going to give me his glasses so I could see myself thru his eyes, cos he thinks I'm gorgeous.  How cute is that!  I just can't help but love him!   Thank You for being here to listen and to give me some of your strength when I need it most! HUGS!!

Andrea, I totally empathize with all your worries.  Here I am, only about 5lbs from my absolute goal weight.  (I've surpassed the "I would be happy if I just got to . . . "  weight!)  I have the sagging, old lady skin that hangs on my body and is so unattractive.  And my boobs -- deflated balloons!  My hair is coming out in handfuls and I had thin, fine hair to start with so it really is thin now.  I look great with clothes on, but naked -- not good and it can be depressing at times.   Actually the other month when friends and coworkers would comment on how good I was looking -- and wasn't I thrilled, and didn't my husband love it -- I would say "its all great as long as I don't look at myself naked."  And I actually made that comment to my surgeon at my last appointment and he came back at me with "and what, you liked to look at yourself naked when you weighed over 200lbs?"  His comment actually did make me stop and think about it.  No, I didn't like looking at myself naked before but I was hoping to look better at this point than I do now.  But I'm trying to look at the positives and they are good.  I do look great in clothes.  I can shop in any store and wear just about anything that I want.  I can wear dresses and cross my legs.  The fact that I look bad naked is just the price I have to pay for the years I neglected myself.  There is nothing I can do about it now -- at least until I can afford to have some plastic surgery!  And even that won't fix everything. But I can say that I have gotten better about accepting complements from people.  I can now just smile and say "Thank you" and I don't go into listing all the negative things about myself that people don't want to hear anyhow. Anyhow, congratulations on all your success so far and just try to look at the positives! Jennifer

Hi Jennifer, I just wanted to send you a heart-felt thank you for your post.  It really is nice to hear that I'm not the only one who feels like this. For the last couple days, I have been feeling quite guilty about having these disappointed feelings. I feel like I'm being vein or narcissistic. Like people see me as not thankful or unworthy.  I am truly grateful for everything that this surgery has given back to me.  I just can't deny the fact that I really thought I would look different than I do.  I was this weight about 7-8 years ago and it looked sooooooo different and I think that is where I go wrong.  I think I have started comparing my naked self to my naked body then.  I know in my head that's wrong but I just can't help doing it.  I really thought I was prepared for all the skin...but seeing it on me has really been sobering. On the other hand I didn't think I would feel this energized or this good either.  And I do have to say, I look damn good in clothes!  I am smaller at this weight than I was 7-8 years ago so that is fun!  I wouldn't go back to 348 for anything.  I just need to wrap my brain around my 215 (and find myself a really good hat shop)!   Thank you again for your post!   Hugs, Andrea