This is so personal... BUT.. I need your help and prayers

Thanks Linda, you have mail! Just wanted ya to know, I can always use your words and wisdom! Thanks, hugz Dawn

Oh Dawn, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Our teenagers today are faced with so many more pressures than we were facing during that period of time. I also am a teacher and feel that the school should have contacted you sooner. I am glad you have checked into therapy. You mentioned that his grades had been going down in the past year and previously he had been on the honor roll. Do you know of anything that has happened in his life over the past year? He obviously is crying out and thank heavens you know now and you can deal with it. My prayers are with your family. Karen

Dawn, I too, am so sorry to hear about this. I know most of u know I work at a mental hospital but mostly with drug and alcohol abuse. However many times mental disorders and drug addiction have many cross overs. I know from the cutters I have talked to say they do it becouse they have such pain and termoil inside that when they cut they forget the inner pain and focus on the cutting which feels better than the pain they have on the inside. Like Karen said I would look to see what happened in his life when his grades started to fall. I would also really research counslers/psych drs in your area...just like we do for our surgery(till u find the best). You really need to find someone who has delt with this problem alot so your son can get the best possible help u can get for him. I know of a really good dr here but Im sorry I dont have any experience with drs in your area. I will keep your son and you family in my prayers. Mariah

Thanks mariah, We are seeing a counselor tonight, one that we have seen in the past that we are comfortable with! she will refer us out if need be, but he did open up with her before! I am willing to do what needs to be done, he is my only child and I can not imagine life without him, for whatever reason! Thanks for taking the time to respond and for the thoughts, prayers and suggestions, they are needed and appreciated! Hugz dawn

Hi Dawn, Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and your family. I have a 12 yr old and sometimes I just don't know how to handle him either. I hope you find a counselor that you can all be comfortable with. Cindy

Dawn I also am very sorry that you folks have to go thru this. I had a 13 year old in my Sunday School class who was a cutter. He braged about it. After several hours of talking to him, I came to the conclusion that he was doing it to be accepted by some of his school buddies. I surely hope and pray that your son will come to his senses about this issue and will stop it. This seems the first step to body piercing and tatoos. This youngsters go thru a lot just to noticed and accepted by some in their pier groups. Hope the counseling session goes well for you. My prayers will include this matter in my daily prayer sessions.. Dan

Dawn, I am so sorry to hear that your family is going through all of this. Especially your son. I would be livid if this was going on with one of my chidren and the school knew and did not notify me. I would have to consider having someones job. That is not fair to you or your son. I am glad to hear that you are starting counseling tonight. I have a friend whose daughter is a cutter and it to devestated the family. She started counseling and it has helped. The father on the other hand jsut doesn't want to try to understand and believes that she is doing it for attention. I really doubt that is the reason and he just flips when you bring the subject up. Some men just don't want to try and understand what is going on and believe that they can stop at anytime. i am sure that everything in time will end well for you and your family. Your son is a very lucky young man to have such a supportive family behind him. Just remember to keep re-assuring him and telling him everything will be ok. he just has to believe that, and with time and counseling I pray that whatever troubles him he will work out. Please take care of yourself and if you need to talk please don't hesitate to e-mail me at anytime. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. DawnR

I sound like a broken record but I'm sorry this is happening. I do want you to know that I too (like Darrah) experimented with cutting as a teenager. Most of the time dear it has NOTHING to do with the parents it's a inner personal struggle and one that can not be easily explained. One that to this day I can't explain... there is a wonderful song by a Christian Contemporary artist named Plumb called "Cut" that goes into this. It explains it better than I ever could. Music helped me through "my time" as a teenager... God be with you dear... Put it in His hands and let Him work His magic. Love Jessyca

Ok.. I know that I am new to the forum, but this message stuck out at me and screamed... REPLY!!!!!!!!!!!! I was sitting around tonight, browsing the forum, wishing that I was brave enough to endure what all of you have endured. I am a bit of a chicken when it comes to trying something new. I would LOVE to have the surgery done, but am a bit aprehensive. Looking through at all of your accomplishments have given me courage. I am going to start talking this over with some of my family and my PCP. Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories.... Now, onto why I felt compelled to respond to this post. I am not going to say I know what you are going through. Because honestly I dont. I do not have any kids of my own and I don't know anyone close to me that has ever self harmed. But I do know how your child feels. I too am a "cutter" as most would call them. I can't tell you why we do it. I can't promise you that it will magically go away. I can't promise you that even with counseling it will stop. It is something he will have to work out on his own. This is something that his body has taught him to do to cope with feelings that he isn't able to communicate. Did you or your husband do anything wrong.. NO! I can't stress that enough. You didn't cause him to start self harming. "We" don't start cutting because our parents didn't love us enough, or because they didn't buy us the things we wanted.. "We" cut because it is our coping tool. A bad one, yes, but nevertheless a coping tool. Everyone copes differently. Some use drugs, some smoke cigerettes, and some go on spending sprees, and then there are others that self harm. I can only imagine the pain you are feeling right now. The embrassment, the guilt, the anger, the sadness, the helplessness. It is overwhelming. It will not go away easily. It was a tough blow to you and your husband. A hurt that will take time to mend, but it will mend. I have hope for that. There is so much I could write about this to you. So many things I am dying to ask you and wanting to tell you. My mind is racing through 1000 things that I am trying to put into words for you. I am not going to type it all out, for if I did, you would be reading a small novel! So I am going to leave it at this...... You don't know me from Adam, though I have shared with you something that is very personal for me. If you ever want to know more about self harming, contact me and I will be more than willing to tell you everything that I have learned from reading, counseling, and many years of guilt. Please, if you never respond to me or ask me questions, I ask one thing of you... Love your son with all of your heart and let him know you do. Support him. Love him. And don't treat him differently! After all... he still is your son!