This is so personal... BUT.. I need your help and prayers

Well I am going through some really tough personal issues! I have just found out today that my 13 year old son has been experimenting with cutting! The school has been aware, but did not contact me, I found out from reading a school assignment that they had to write to their english teacher on something that they have done that they were sorry for and that their parents were not aware of, and the teacher sent home an email, in regards to homework to tell us this was a personal homework assignment and that she would intervene if their was a crime committed. Well, I asked to read his, boy I sure didn't expect this, he has been saying that it is cold at school and he needed certain colors of sweatshirts because he attends charter school and they wear uniforms, he said he was cold, now it was to cover up the marks on his skin! 9 on one and 6 on another, they are not deep, although he did use scissors, and has mentioned that another student has been expelled for trying herself and bringing a razor to school to have others possibly try! My husband is very angry, I am very sad and emotional and scared, we are definately at two different thoughts with this! I am so worried about, why, what else this may lead to, he has not been in any trouble, plays sports, not abused, has almost anything, caring and supportive family and parents, just feel he has normal issues that involve school, but his grades have been going down the last year, other than that he has always been on honor roll! I am sorry that I am rambling, I am so upset,now I don't want to leave him alone- at all- my husband says - if he is going to do it, he is going to do it!!! Please, keep my son and my family in your thoughts and prayers, this is so hard, everyone always thinks that these things can't happen to them- not my child, boy have I found out that is not so! I asked my son why, he cried and said he doesn't know, it wasn't us, friends, girlfriends, being gay, etc, he just kept saying he didn't know why, I asked him about smoking and drugs he says he hasn't done anything like that, just this! What else can I do, I did call some counseling services tonight and have to call back tomorrow, but that isn't helping my emotions TONIGHT! I normally try to keep all of these things to myself, and haven't even brought it up to family, yet! I am so concerned, scared, angry, upset, worried! He did say he ask the school to not say anything yet that he was going to stop, they told him they would check his arms again tomorrow, that it was a judgement call and if it had been deeper they would have had to let us know??!!!?? By the way he also had the first lady believing that the cat had scratched him, my cat has NO claws at all, she then sent him to the nurse, who said she thought he had been cutting himself! I think I had the right to know immediately, not when it had to become so severe that there was actual damage, am I wrong? Is this normal procedure? I do plan on going to the school tomorrow (Monday), enough for now, I am so sorry for rambling, I am in tears and cannot even see the board, sorry for mistakes and errors! I am off to try to rest for now, though! Hugz everyone, hope you have a great day! Hugz Dawn

You poor thing! I know how traumatic it can be to learn about a childs disturbing behavior, believe me, I have been there,Im a grandma to 15 and a mom to 7. I have had my share of these type of things. The fact that the school did not contact you troubles me,,you should have been informed immediately! After all, this is the welfare of your child we are talking about here!I would be livid and let them know I was ! Nobody will fight for your child like you will, so dont be afraid to do so! The other thing, I imagine your son is secretly relieved that you know. This is a sign of something deeper,,my step daughter was a cutter for awhile, and fell into a severe depression because of it. Fortunatley, you caught it early. By all means, get counseling. I wouldnt make him feel guilty for what he has done, that will only reinforce his shame. but let him feel the love and concern that you have , and reassure him you will do anything to help get to the root of this problem. He needs that reassurance that he has help. Right now he probably feels like you are embarrassed and ashamed of him,,let him know that is not the case. I will pray for you and your family during this time. Most of all,,love him and be very open and show it. He needs that right now. Consider it a blessing that you found out when you did. take care , and email me if you would like. Ill answer. Blessings, betsy

Thanks betsy, We went to the school today, and I believe that is all straightened out! Also, he will be going to counseling this evening! I hope that we are headed for healthier, happier times! Thanks so much for your words, I am hoping he opens up and knows how much he is loved and needed, he is my only child and I would be so devastated to lose him! It is not easy, especially when you wonder if it is MY fault, but I will endure this with him and fight to the end- of his happiness! Thanks again, hugz Dawn

Dawn, I definitely would take him to see a professional. He may be depressed or have ADDS. It would probably help you & Mark so see the therapist as well...to learn how to best handle this from a parenting stance. I think getting to the root of this is the only way to prevent it from recurring. I also think that you are in the right for letting the school know how you feel. More parents should. It is your child and their upbringing and education is a joint effort between the parent and the school. If your child is on meds, you are expected to tell them...and if they learn that your child is inflicting harm to themselves or others, it is their responsibility to inform the parents! I really feel for you sweetie. I don't know why kids have to be such heartaches. Unfortunately, turning the magical age of 18 is no guarantee that you will then be worry-free. huggs... Sherri

I already sent ya mail, but Thanks again! Your words are heard and oh so important!!! HUGZ Dawn

MY X brother in law was a cutter... AS AN ADULT!!! My sister finally told u s during the divorce.. times where she would have to put his insides back in and sew it up herself because he would become abusive and refuse to go tot he hospital. It is an emotional problem that needs addressed. The school should have told you right away. Kudos for the teacher that finally stepped forward!!!! My y oungest so used to make himself throw up until he had ulcers.. he was so smart and bored in school he wouldnt turn anything in but would ace the tests.. homework was 80% of his grade so of course his grades suffered as well. I got him some counciling and worked to understand his needs a little better..My parenting skills had to be different for each son.. funny they were not exactly alike... I made it they made it and I think they turned into pretty good parents.. why not?? they had "been there" themselves... done it all... Because you care you have already won the first battle.. dont be to hard on yourself.. Linda

Dawn- I am so sorry that your family is going through this. I know how horrible it must be to have your child doing something intentionally to harm himself. As far as the school is concerned, you should have been notified immediately. He should already have seen the school psychologist and you should have been informed. I am a teacher and if I found out this information I would have called the parents immediately. He may just be doing it because a peer gave him the idea, but it may be deeper. Definitely get him in for an eval and then seeing if counseling is recommended is the best thing, even if he stops the behavior. Hugs, Belle

Not to sound like a broken record, but I'm so sorry to hear that your family is going through this. Also, COUNSILING!!! I experimented with cutting in high school. I never got too much into it, but I do have a scar on my leg where I had carved my boyfriend's name into it. There are some other emotional issues, that don't have to have anything to do with your parenting or family that he needs addressed. I never got any help until I was older and had my own insurance because we didn't talk about things like that at my house. Get him some help now, and save all of you a great deal of pain. Sure hope things work out for you sweetie.

Thanks darrah for sharing your own personal info with me and thinking of my son! We did go to the school and are starting counciling tonight! I will support him in any way that I can! I am hoping that he just needs to address some emotional issues and that he will be a happier, healthier person, soon! Thanks again! Hugz dawn

Thanks belle, We have been to school and headed to counseling this evening! I appreciate you taking the time to respond! Your words, time, and thoughts are appreciated! Hugz Dawn