Home from the hospital and feeling blue

I am 3 days post-op and instead of being excited about starting this new phase, I find that I am a little depressed and scared about it. Did anyone else go through this? I am sorry to sound like a whiner. I thought some of you might have some words of wisdom for me as I try to adjust? 1) DISAPPOINTED I think the first part of it is that I am a little bummed that I feel so sore from the surgery. I really thought I would be up & at 'em by now. Instead, I am still pretty achy and my side still hurts from the drain. 2) OVERWHELMED I am so overwhelmed with getting all of the fluids, supplements, meals, and protein in. Doesn't seem like there is time in the day, or enough room in my pouch! 3) SEPERATION ANXIETY I miss eating what I want... it is hard to see everyone else eating whatever they want while I try to talk myself into thinking an 1/8 of a cup of beans is appetizing. 4) SCARED We had to pull my drain because it was irritating the muscle wall and causing me a lot of pain, so now there is no way to know if there is an infection or leak. I am also afraid to drink or eat because I just don't know what to expect from my pouch yet. Sorry to sound so negative. I am sure that I will be back on top of my game here when I get a grip on this all, and get to start seeing the numbers on the scales drop. Belle

Belle, The first weeks are the hardest. I remember feeling overwhelmed by all I was supposed to do, also. I tried making a checklist each day to see that I got the meds and fluids, etc. in. I think it's normal to be missing food right now. I think it gets better when you start seeing the rapid weight loss. Linda Vicory

Belle, Sweetie, I wish you had joined this site and asked some advise pre-op. Some of these things, we could have helped with. I'll do my best now...and I'm sure others will too. 1) 3 days post-op and sore? Sweetheart, I was downing my Loratab for a week post-op! They cut on the insides of you. Yes! You are going to be sore. It takes a few weeks for it to all heal up. 2) The fluids and all does get easier. I don't know of anyone who didn't have any problems getting in all of their food, all of their protein, and all of their water from the get-go. There just aren't enough hours in the day...especially when you are told to sip, sip, sip...and sip only 1 oz every 20 minutes. That is NORMAL. Think of your new pouch as a funnel. If you pour liquid into a funnel that is setting in a glass fast, it's going to bubble up and pour out over the sides instead of going down into the glass. If you pour liquid in at a nice, slow, steady pace, the liquid goes into the glass. You just have to learn how to pour, that's all. 3) I recommend pre-ops to have a 'funeral' for their favorite foods the week or two before surgery. What I did was each day at lunch, I would go to a favorite drive-thru and order my favorites. I sat in my truck and ate them...and at the same time, I talked to them. I explained to them why I could not have them anymore and why it was going to be healthier for me to say good-bye to them. By the time I was done with that meal, I was absolutely turned off by the idea of ever touching it again. I know that Sam followed my advise and has had good luck with saying bye-bye to those foods too. I know. You're post-op so what do you do? This may sound stupid, but I would get a journal. At the top of the page, put the name of the food you miss (Big Mac, Rally Fries, Chocolate shake, whatever). Then...look up the nutritional value for that item here online and write that in the journal. Then put how much exercise it would take to get rid of those calories (fitday.com). I think you'll find that those foods just aren't worth it. Why eat a Big Mac...which by the way, isn't going to taste good to you anymore anyway....and have to do 20 miles or so on a treadmill at a running (not walking!) speed to get rid of the calories from it? You have to remember that you had this surgery for YOU. If everyone else wants to fill their faces with 2,000 calorie meals and you fill your pouch with 200 calorie meals, who is the one better off? YOU ARE! Don't be jealous that they are pigging out...pity them that still have the urge to. I wholeheartedly wish my kids would eat more like I do. I'm not envious of the poison they put in their system. They are 24, 25, and 30...I can't make them eat like I do, but I wish they would. 4. Yeah! Your drain is out!!! Trust me, if you had a leak, you'd know it. The drain removes extra fluids from the incisions. They don't prevent leaks. They don't show if you have a leak. Most excess fluids gets reabsorbed back into your body and flushed out as waste material. So, no fear. Eat & drink as you're suppose to. If you had a leak, you'd know it by now most likely. If you get a pain that is new to what you've been feeling post-op, call your surgeon's office. As long as you eat what you are suppose to and in the amount you are suppose to and sip slowly, you should be fine and your pouch should be friendly to you. When you're in the hospital, they give you lots of IV's...IV's add fluid, fluid adds pounds. Give it a few days for you to urinate all those IV fluids out and you'll see a quick weight drop. I had gained 11lbs in the hospital and I was only in over night! But within a week, I had lost it plus about 10 more. Hope this helps you some. Keep your chin up. Everything you're experiencing sounds perfectly normal! Sherri

Linda- I like the idea of my own checklist. I am going to make one as soon as I get off-line. Thanks. Sherri- I SO appreciate all your words of wisdom. You know, I have been thinking about this for so long, and I THOUGHT my preconceptions were realistic, but obviously not. I recovered really quickly from my c-sections, so I thought this would be even easier. I also have this HUGE paranoia that I am going to drink or eat too fast and rupture my pouch. Is that just crazy talk? AND I have realized why I feel so miserable is because I feel so FULL all the time. I think I just need to chill out and stop trying to force so much food and fluids until I adjust? Abou****ching everyone else eat, this may sounds silly, but it doesn't make me as much jealous as it does mad at myself for being such a flop at keeping my weight under control. I just keep telling myself that I will be able to sit down and enjoy "normal" meals with my family again, I just need to keep my eye on the prize. Speaking of the prize, I got on the scales this morning and I have lost the water weight plus 5 pounds since the morning of the surgery. That helped get my head back in the game. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Belle - Oh honey, I remember feeling much of what you are feeling within the last month. As far as discomfort, in the very beginning try to stay on top of the pain rather than letting it get the better of you. If your pain med says take 2 t. every 6 hours, then for the first few days home do exactly that. Take it during your waking hours. You will soon find that when the time is due for more meds that you are really feeling great and can stretch it to 8 hours between doses and so on. My surgery was open and I had complications so I healed differently than you will, but we both still had major surgery. My doctor, Dr. Inman, sends all her patients home on an antidepressant. I don't recall who your doctor was. If they prescribed something for you, take it. It will help with the blue feelings. I also had a lot of trouble getting everything down in the beginning. As a matter of fact, I still do. I am getting closer to the mark each day, but I still don't have this down to a science. I found it very helpful to use a note book that I kept on the kitchen counter. I wrote everything down that went in my mouth. That way I did not have to wonder if I took my vitamins that day or not. It will help you also to track how close you are getting to your requirements. Just go slowly and keep posting. We are all here to help you through this. Karen

Belle, Take a deep breath, this is all normal feelings that you are having!!! The first few weeks for me were very emotional, and yes, I thought I could never be able to get it all in! Sometimes I didn't, but it becomes easier as the days go by and before you know it you won't really notice that YOU are different1 I can sit down and enjoy normal foods now with my family, in moderation, I can eat just about whatever I would like to try, that my pouch will handle! Hang tight, it does get easier!In the beginning, it was tough for me to also see my family eat some of my favorites, that too, passed! The weight-loss will come, and that will be an amazing feeling for you, and your pouch will let you know if it does not like something, just remember to try 1 new thing at a time, so that you know what it is, when Ms. Pouch decides to tell you something!!!! There is not much that my pouch dislikes, but everyone is different. take your time and keep track with a journal, I did this, as well, it was my lifesaver! I wrote in the top corner- Meds, water, vitamins, then I had an area for b/fast, lunch, and dinner, and then i also wrote on the rest of my page my emotions and feelings for the day, good, bad, sad, happy, accomplishments, weightloss, etc. I took this to my checkups as well so that the nutritionist could take a look and see if I was doing alright. I also had my anti-depreesants upped in the first part of post-op, it was needed and very helpful! I hope this helps, good luck! Hugz Dawn

Karen and Dawn- Thanks very much for your support. It does sound like you know exactly how I am feeling. I have a journal now, but I never thought of adding how I felt. I also got sent home on anti-depressants (which honestly I thought was silly) and now I am definitely going to ask for them to be upped OR for me to be put on an anti-anxiety med also. My crappy feelings last night ended up causing me to wake up in the midst of a panic attack, which I haven't had since I was a child! It was just an awful day! I was SOOOO totally overwhelmed. I am much calmer now and have a plan for the day. I am also not going to stress about getting everything in. Today I am going to focus on getting all my fluids in and atleast 50 g of protein. I am only going to eat oatmeal and yogurt also since I know those are well-tollerated by my pouch. It also helped to hop on the scales and see that I am down 7.4 pounds since the morning I left for my surgery. My new mantra "this process is healthy for you, you will learn how to eat normally through this experience". Thanks again ladies!

Soon you will be saying Thank God For WLS!!! I do almost every day!! I have gone down from a 32 to a 16 SO FAR and havent been so excited about anything.. The first few weeks I was spazing out because I couldnt get all my protien in but once I calmed down I was able to do it.. 5 glasses of milk a day and 4 cheese sticks... I didnt worry about food for weeks because the milk and cheesesticks kept me so full!! Ther reason you eat protien first is it fills you up and satisfies!!! You did something wonderful for yourself.. and oh yea it took me a little longer to recoup after WLS than it did my C sections and hysterectmy.. but then it has been SO REWARDING!!! Linda

Linda- Thanks for the suggestions but unfortunately the only thing I can eat that does make me feel bloated and want to throw up is applesauce babyfood! I think I have a developed a lactose intollerance. Great... The result is that I feel much better and am eating 3 meals a day plus getting all of my fluids in. The flip side is that all my protein was coming from dairy, so I am missing the protein mark big time. I just need to experiment I guess. I am feeling much better though. I can only do what I can do! Another positive is that I have lost 8 pounds in the last 5 days. That is starting to help my mental outlook! Belle