help needed

Hi. I posted back in March that my daughter was going to have wls at St. V's and I was worried. I did not get any response. I have been looking for some answers here and don't seem to find what I am looking for. You all sound so happy. She is not. She has lost a lot of weight and is absolutely beautiful but is struggling emotionally. She is very different. She is seeing a counselor but I am still worried about her. Is this normal? When i try to get her to make me understand what she is going through she just tells me you can't understand. She insists she is not the same person anymore and that she really liked who she was. Any suggestion?

I am sorry your daughter is having such a hard time with the adjustment. It's good that she's seeing a counselor. She will have to make adjustments to her new life and body. I try to be positive about it, and look for what I'm getting, and for what I want to do, instead of 'losing' the old me. I realized shortly before surgery, if I wanted to be successful and happy, I would have to find something to replace the food, not just give it up. I don't know if this is helpful to you. I hope you do get some helpful answers. Linda Vicory

Diane, I'm sorry that you didn't get any response back in March. That is so unlike me. Hmmm...maybe it was while I was on vacation... I'm glad your daughter is getting couseling. How far out is she? Where did she have her surgery at? St. Vincent's has a support group for those 1 year or more post op which deals with issues that those further out may experience. It sounds like your daughter might benefit from going to some of these...so that she would have an opportunity to be around peers who do understand. It would also help if she associated some with successful post-ops....so she could see that yes, there's an adjustment, but it is do-able. I myself liked who I was pre-op very much. I didn't have hang-ups because of my weight. I'm still me...just a healthier me. And Mom...it would probably do you alot of good to go to some sessions with your daughter so that you would be able to learn better how to help. The couselor/therapist/group leader might would have good suggestions for the support system. Sherri

Hi Diane- I didn't even know about this site back in March, so no sorry from me. LOL I just wanted to tell you that what your daughter is feeling and expressing sounds normal to me. I myself have just started seeing a great councilor, and feel somewhat better already. I have some real issues with seeing myself as normal. I am working hard to overcome some self image issues and can relate to feeling like a different person. I like the new me, but it is all happening so fast that it is taking my head a while to catch up with the changes. I do think that the support groups can help, especially for the family members that need to hear it from other people not so close to the center of the relationship. I hope some of this helps, and that your daughter gets to liking the new her soon. Blessings, Carmen

I definately know about struggling emotionally read my profile, its been a hard year. The best thing for me was to talk to and be around people that have had the surgery, only they can understand. My mom was and is a big worrier if that's a word. She can't understand why I would go to such drastic measures. Sometimes I still can't believe I did either. Is she going to the support group in Fort Wayne, I haven't gone yet but I'm on here a lot so this is where I get my support. I think that should be a place to start. It will get easier emotionally but will take some time. If she wants to e-mail me she can. I live just north of Fort Wayne. I could give some support if she wants some.

ahhh.......how old is your daughter? this is sad, as this is an exciting new life...much healthier one anyway....has she lost any friends? some talk about the hormones changes......this surgery is not a fix it all i think maybe more therapy is needed for some than just one or two times before........i hope the therapy helps her in March was a crazy time for me, what with Ed in and out of the hosp.....

For alot of us it is an emotional, as well as physical change, so I am glad she is seeking help. I agree with all that been said, and sorry you didn't get a response. Remember to give her lots of support and alittle patience,too. Tell her about this web site-we are here for her,all she needs to do is ask. (((hugs)))

Diane, I went through the exact same thing as your daughter. It is a good idea that she is seeing a counselor. I couldnt for a long time because i lost my insurance not long after I had my surgery. It got really bad for me and i got really depressed. I never learned any coping skills to replace the food. And I mourned my former self as if it was a death of some sorts. I found myself back in old habits and as a result i have gained weight back. I have just recently started to take steps to get back on track. I am also seeking guidance from my pastor with some of the issues that I have. I wasn't on this site in March, but I will apologize to you anyway because I know how you feel. I joined this site again a few days ago and I havent' gotten very much feedback either. So I hope that some of the members reach out to you. I will pray for your daughter and for you as well because it has to be hard for you to watch her go through this but it will get better. Lucretia

sorry you too have not gotten much feed back, but i think most of us here are under 3 years....mine was 9-15-04..............i have read go back to the basic's........and I know that is easier said than done....with the stress i have right now, i see a couple of bad habits trying to creep back.....easier to go ahead and eat it though right now for me...not gained any but have not lost either........ makes me wonder if most have gained their weight back and why they are not here...

I've met Jamie at the Ft. Wayne support group and everyone there is worried about her. She is so sweet and so beautiful. She told us a couple of months ago that she was having problems. I saw her post on the Ft. Wayne web group site that she was doing better on the anti depressants and that she would be at the next meeting. I hope so. I know what she is saying when she says you can't understand. I feel that way with my husband sometimes. I like the support groups and this site becasue everyone here has gone thru or wants to go thru with this surgery. I've not been to a meeting since October and I've missed going. Jamie is so much younger than anyone else in the support group. It would be nice if she could find someone closer to her age that has had the surgery to communicate with, it might help her. Encourage her to be at the next meeting and maybe you could come with her. Maybe if she would post on this site it would be a good outlet for her. Sorry I didn't see your post back in March and I'm here all the time. I met Jamie at her first meeting right after surgery and she had us all wowed since then, that is why the name stuck out to me on this post. Please let me know if I can do anything to help her. Jan