Prayers and thoughts needed!

Melanie- I am not superwoman! Thank you for reminding me. I will try to remember that, because I do think us woman tend to forget it and need to be reminded once in a while. And I sure do like to be compared to Julia Roberts! LOL I don't usually weigh every day, but I guess I have been checking making sure it hasn't been going up. That is how bad I have been doing. I am going to make each day better and I will try to believe in myself more. Thank you for all your thoughts and caring words, Carmen I am going to find some way to take a little me time each day!

Carmen~ I don't have any answers for you, but I just wanted to let you know that I can completely relate to how your feeling. I went through the same thing; depression, eating what I shouldn't be eating~ getting sick from it and THEN doing it all over again, feeling out of control, no desire to exercise, etc... Your not crazy, in my opinion and in the opinion of some of my post op friends, the head hunger is one of the hardest parts of the surgery. I know I became super morbidly obese because of head hunger verses physical hunger. You go through the surgery, your appetite is gone, you lose a ton of weight, you feel wonderful. And then all of a sudden food starts calling you and you start to miss it. You miss the instant gratification that you used to get, the feeling of being truly satisfied, etc. You want to feel those things again so you turn to food, but now you get sick from it and you don't get the same high or feelings from it. Then you get angry and frustrated with yourself. I think you are very wise in making the decision to try to stay out of the house. For me, I have to find something to do to occupy my mind. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but at least we are proactively trying to deal with this. Feel free to email me any time. ((Hugs)) Jaimee

Jamie- Thank You!! I am so glad that I am not the only one. not that I want others to feel this way, but that it makes me feel like much less of a freak just knowing that it is somewhat normal. I really feel like you know what I mean. I have so much guilt all the time! In every direction and can't seem to find the instant satisfaction I used to get from food. But I still keep trying! Why would a person do something that they know is going to make them sick! I just don't get it. I also have been doing another crazy thing. I will eat a small bad thing and them worry about all the calories and fat so then I will continue eating until I am over full just so I will be sick and get rid of the crap. What a cycle. Well I am really gonna try and break it and I have printed off all of these beautiful comments so that I can remember them. Thank you for accepting and including me, and especially Thank you for sharing you story. Carmen

You have done so great, so far. I know you can keep it up. Maybe you need a day to yourself? Can you get someone to watch the kids, and you just relax and do what you want? Sometimes we take 'mini-vacations', going to a motel on a weekend, just to get away from all the things at home that stare at you when you are there. Linda

Linda, Thank You for your response. I agree that a break would be a good idea. I have over the years tried to get a break in about once every other month. I just feel so much more centered when I return home. I am feeling better today and I know all the thought and prayers sent my way are helping. Thank you for your support and good luck on your journey, Carmen

Carmen I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say I'll be thinking of you. You are always the first one to support someone when they are done, now it's our turn to support you. Hang in there, you are an amazing person and have done wonderful on this journey. Lots and lots of *hugs* Sam

Sam Thank you for the love and hugs. I am feeling better today and I am determined to turn this around. I so love reading all your posts and really appreciate your kindness and sarcasm. Have a super day, Carmen

Carmen, Boy, do I relate to what you are saying. Stress eating was my "motto" before Wls. & and it is a huge trigger for me. I know personally that if I don't focus on the positive things in my life, I can get overwhelmed. With our situation of an 18 yr. old grandson living with us, 3 grandsons with Dad & my daughter who knows where, I can really get crazy & eat till I throw up- or have diarrea. Self-gratification & self-punishment go hand in hand for me. "I'm not good enough-doing good enough-not enough- can't get enough (love, sex,respect,food, $$, whatever) and all of it is lies from the !!!!!! Each day I get up & thank God for whatever He sends my way. Read something positive. Right now I am reading "in the Grip of Grace" by Max Lucadio. It has really helped change my thinking, as well as a great Christian Councilor. I had to fire my other one 'cause she just didn't get me, understand my needs & the WLS side of me. I know I can go back to my former self if I CHOOSE to, but that isn't where God has planned for me. Self-will only gets me where I was. Today is a fresh, new day for you. You need some "you time" girl- take a bubble bath, light a candle, play some soft music, & let your soul be soothed. Hold your head up, smile in the mirror, & say "I love you" & mean it-'cause we all do love ya!!! I'm praying for you. PM me if you want to "chat". ((((>i< angel hugs)))) Ellen

Ellen, You are so right on the button! I am shaking my head as I read over what you said. I feel just like that. The devil is bad, and all over the place! Damn him!! I love to read and have enjoyed the few spiritual books that I have read. I am going to the library this afternoon to look for the book you mentioned. Of you have any other favs that you recommend send them to me and I will check them out. I need to find strength; direction and balance from someplace and these type of books may be the key to keeping my thoughts on track. I am thinking of finding a good counselor, if you have any names to recommend I would love to hear them. Thank you so much, Carmen PS You are looking so good!! I love the new picture!