Prayers and thoughts needed!

I have been having a really tough time for the last week or so. I don't know what is wrong with me. I have been feeling so down, alone, and kind of like a big failure. I have not lost any weight in at least 4 days. I have been eating real bad stuff. Well not so bad but defiantly more than I should. I can't seem to find a feeling of satisfaction or fullness. I eat way too much and then spend the next hour throwing up. I have no idea why I keep doing this. It hurts to vomit and I still do it. I also have been struggling to get my exercise done. I have been doing it but it feels like a chore and no fun. I usually look forward to it and have such a feeling of pride and joy when I am done, not lately!! I have to force myself to stop eating and go work out. What is going on???? I get so overwhelmed by the guilt and self hatred that I don't know how to stop the cycle. I know it sounds like I am a total nut and maybe I am. I just can't seem to get the head part worked out. I am proud of what I have done so far, and would like to say that I am happy if this is the end of my loosing, but why am I trying to screw it up? I was a size 32 and now 10's are getting loose on me. That rocks!! But can I keep it up? I have gone from 326 lbs. To 161 lbs. That is a total of 165 lbs. gone, which is more than I thought I could do. So on the one hand I feel happy, but on the other more dominate side I feel like crying. If anyone has gone threw this or has some insight, please share. Even if you can email me privately that would be great. I am going to try to stay out of the house as much as I can so I don't eat! So please expect a response at sometime, but maybe not super fast. Sorry for the long post! I know you all will help me somehow! Carmen

Carmen, You aren't alone and nor are you the ONLY one. I"m currently going thru the same thing. I have been for several months. I just recently opened up about it to my counselor. I don't necessarily feel like a failure but I feel like I'm setting myself up to eventually fail - almost as if why would I want this weight loss to continue to be a positive experience for myself. IT's almost like the guilt of my total lifestyle change is creeping up behind me and slapping me in the face. I'm sure some of my other "stresses" going on haven't helped either. I've even found myself on a few occassions eating till I puked... knowing full well I was going to end up puking while I SHOVED the food in my face. I think WSL'ers need to remember that we aren't perfect. That our heads are always going to battle for control - almost like a split personality syndrome. 4 days ago ... were that..... 4 days ago and you can't control what's already happened. All you can do at this point is take a deep breath and just get through today. You've taken a great first step by admitting this "problem"... to yourself and openly. That took a lot of courage. Now just worry about today, this hour, this second - whatever it takes for you to stay focused on the positivity of you, your weight loss, and your life. My counselor said perhaps a change in my "routine" would help get me back on the right track. So I've been trying to change some of my things. I don't exercise alone anymore. I joined a pilates group and I jog with my dog. Two new exercise routines with a new enviroment and people. Maybe that could be something that you could try too. A new change... something forward...... a new goal. It's at least worth a try. Lately I've been changing things in my life by living what I call the Dr Phil motto. You know he's always saying "How's that working for ya?"..... if it's not working positively then I change it. It has so far included me in the process of purchasing my first house, getting a better wls knowledgable counselor, cutting off contact with "toxic" people, and looking towards going back to school after I'm done with plastic surgery. Hang in there sweetie.... Jodi

Jodi~ I just wanted to tell you that your are looking awesome! Its been a long time since I've been on the website, I didn't recognize you in your new photo! You sure are the poster child for the Lap Band! Jaimee

Thanks very much for the compliment Jaimee!!! I must say you are looking really awesome with your new pic too, hehehe! Jodi

Jodi- Thank you so much for sharing and opening the door for others to share. It makes me feel so much less overwhelmed just knowing that I am not the only one struggling with this. Also thank you for reminding me that what was done yesterday is over and I can make today count. It isn't so much that I didn't loose any weight; it was just a relief that I didn't gain any. That is how bad I have been. I really worry that I am on some type of eating disorder track. I would love to find a councilor to visit with if you know of any good ones please PM there names to me. Thank you again for all of your support, advice, and compassion, Carmen I am going to make some routine changes and ask myself is this working or not! I have never watch Dr. Phil, but maybe I should.

I got ya covered girlie. I'm thinkin' about ya. huge (((hugs)))

Thank You!! I am feeling better today and just know that so many of you are sending hugs and happy thoughts is giving me courage to move on and make each day count. Hugs, Carmen

Carmen, Hang in there sweetie, you have done an amazing job on your journey! I believe that at some point many if not all of us go through this, just being able to be open and honest about it , is a positive for you! I am so glad that you were able to "admit" it to yourself and be able to ask for help, you can continue this wonderful journey, please know that you are definately not alone! You are such an inspiration to Me/ others, your #'s are awesome, although I know all to well, it shouldn't be about the #'s, but hey, you have proven that IT can be done!!! Try to put this behind you and start fresh with each new day, the scales will continue to move down, if not the inches will! Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers, especially when you are needing encouragement of your own!!!! I will be thinking of you as well, and wishing you continued successes and that you are able to GET BACK ON TRACK!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!! Hugz- Love ya- Dawn

Thank you Dawn! I am going to tell myself that over and over again until I really believe it. I can do it! I can do it! I can do it..... I will work on it! Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone or immune to all these WLS issues. I hope things start to get better for your family real soon. Carmen

Carmen, Losing all this weight has not turned you into Superwoman. You are still a human being, and it sounds like you are going through a rough patch. It happens to everyone--you, me, and even Julia Roberts!!!! Don't be so hard on yourself, and for God's sweet sake, quit weighing everyday! Honey, you can't lose weight forever. Look at how far you have come already. You are less than half the woman you used to be, and you look great! You have a lot of responsibilities at home with EIGHT children, but I think you need to take a little time to yourself to clear your head. Go to a support group or meet up with a fellow OH'er for a bariatric-friendly lunch and pedicure. You are such an inspiration to me, and I hate to see you so down! Hugs!!! Melanie