Hard decisions...

Hi All, We have had to make some hard decisions this week. My sister and I have been taking care of my mother since she fell last August. We knew that her symptoms had been getting progressively worse, but we didn't know what was causing them until a couple of weeks ago. She has something called Small Vessel Ischemic Disease. It causes the brain and all its blood vessels to shrink and has all the symptoms of Alzhiemer's and Parkinson's diseases. They can be slowed (if she responds to the medications, which she didn't), but not stopped or reversed. For now, she is unstable on her feet and has some short term memory loss, but still knows us and where she is, etc. But she requires constant supervision because she won't eat and falls easily. Since my sister is disabled herself and I work full-time, this has been very difficult for us. Mom knows that she needs to go to the nursing home but, of course, she has been holding out hope that she would somehow get better and get to go home. We met with the attorney on Tuesday to figure out her finances and she finally had to face up to the fact that she is not going to get better, only worse. I think she has reconciled herself to going into the nursing home soon (sometime in November or December depending on when we can get everything done). It has been harder on my sister than on me because they are very close and my sister feels like she is somehow not doing all she should for our mother. But with her own disabilities (degenerative disk disease, severe osteoporosis, fibromyalgia and severe carpal tunnel in both wrists - 2 surgeries didn't work) she doesn't have the physical strength or energy to keep going indefinitely. The hardest part for my mother is knowing that she is going to continue to deteriorate mentally and physically, but may live for many more years. The neurologist told us his grandfather lived to be 96 with the same disease, but spent the last several years in bed not knowing anyone. That was very difficult for my mother to hear. We are just trying to present the change to mom in as positive a light as we can. At least she will be in the same nursing home as her mother (Grandma is 86 and can no longer walk or care for herself because of a broken hip). That way they will have each other to visit with for as long as mom can maintain her cognative capacity. Well, I just needed to share. It is sometimes difficult to keep a positive attitude and my mom and my sister need that from me as we go through the painful process of getting mom settled and dealing with her apartment and belongings. It is hard to let go of your home and possessions, as we all three know too well, having just gone through this with my grandmother 2 years ago. Thanks for listening/reading. Cindy

Come talk anytime girl, this is stressful........and this is your mom.......prayers for all to get through this and do enjoy the time you do have with her.........

Prayers are with you and your family. its a hard time but once its done it will probably be a relief to every one, even your mother and she will get to spend time with her mom which will be important to both of them. She may end up liking it there. with the activities they have in nursing homes and stuff. I know people *****ally enjoy it becaues they werent able to be social at home and there they are. Good Luck to you. Carla

Cindy, My heart goes out to you and your family. I understand this is a very hard decision..As I had to make that decision for my grandmother years ago...My prayers are with you and your family..If you need to talk I am here for you. God Bless Dawn 225/154

And I thought WLS was a hard decision... I am soo sorry sweetie.. we had to put dad in a nursing home but when we did I am glad we found a good one.. the idea is to shop and make sure you have the right one and once you have the right one VISIT.. the nursing homes I have been associated with do SO MUCH better with patients that have regular "pop in visitors". Then you will be able to be at peace.. Parents dont want to be a burden on thier kids.. I have already told the kids which nursing home i want to go to when I am ready... and hopefully it is another 50 years away... Linda

Cindy, I'll be praying for you and your family I have also just been through this my father passed on 3yrs ago and my stepmother went to the nursing home it was a hard decision but I did my best and sending here things talking with her and just letting her know that I love her she two has passed on at early age in June very unspected but just let the lord take care of it and there are good nursing homes and great nurses and cna I was one for yrs!! You are on my list girlfriend love and God bless you and your family mary

Cindy, So sorry you and your family are going through this. I thought I might offer a little different perspective for you all... I'm a speech-language pathologist specializing in long-term care (nursing homes), hospitals and rehabilitation centers. I've worked with many patients with Alzheimers, Parkinsons disease and varities of progressive neurological diseases. A couple of things: 1. It may be good for your Mom. The stimulation of being with others, the opportunity to "take care" of others. Remember, most of the patients there will be far less "capable" than your mother, what a boost to her to be able to be useful to others. 2. The time will come, it sounds like, when her memory will fail her. Here is the beautiful thing about this... she will know only the now. It will hurt you when she cannot remember you- but it only hurts you. She will know no regrets, no pain, and no grudges. If she is angered at breakfast, she will not remember it by lunch. As long as she is loved and happy in a moment, that moment is all she will know- how much bigger is love and happiness when it is all you know! Patients who go into this stage of the illness with this attitude are more successful in thriving in it. 3. Nature will take it's course. When the time comes, talk to hospice personnel sooner rather than later, be sure the facility your mom and grandmother are in utilize hospice. Their approach to end of life issues makes a world of difference. I'm sure that eventually you will be able to see the blessings in this form of the inevitable, in the meantime, I'm so glad that you have your sister to go thru this with- and that your mother is able to see her need for specialized care. Sounds like a family of wise and loving women! God bless you all, Kirsten

Thank you all for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. I'm going to print them off to give to my siser tp read also. I'm sure they will give as much support to her as they have me. Thanks again, Cindy