First WOW and UGH moment all at the same time

Surgery went very well for me. I was in so little pain post op I swore I hadn't had surgery at all. I never once thought "Oh my God, what have I done to myself." Until today that is. I talked hubby into browsing through Fashion Bug with me. I don't wanna buy much because the clothing exchange is coming up, plus, who knows how long I'll be in whatever size I am. But I saw these capris I REALLY liked, and they were 40% off. So I decided that since money is tight I would try them on in a 24 and if i could get them buttoned, then I would put them on layaway, and by the time I got them OUT of layway, they should look GOOD on me. Fashion Bug Pants always seem to run small to me, pre op anyway they sure seemed to. I wasn't even for sure I could get the 24s on all the way, let alone zipped. BIG surprise when they not only slid right on, buttoned and zipped with ease, but they were a little baggy in the butt! I tried on a 22 and was a LITTLE too small. I got them on and zipped fine, but had fat spilling over the top, and I hate that. So that was the WOW moment! I couldn't believe it! The UGH moment followed quickly behind it. As a fat person, I kept no mirrors in my house. I'm still fat, so I still don't. The only mirror we have is in the bathroom, and its on our medicine cabinet. The mirror in the fitting room however is full length. I could not BELIEVE how TERRIBLE my body looks. I see my body every day, but I guess its different when you see it all at once and from the other side. I had thought I wasn't losing any belly fat. I thought my thighs were just as huge as they always were. I was wrong. I look like a Sharpei already, and I've only lost 80 pounds since surgery. I still have 115 pounds to goal. I thought all the stuff hanging around my middle was still just fat. But I dont think it is. This would be a... strange... question for those further out of surgery than me. I think this is just skin. I mean there is a small amount of fat in it, but its super wrinkly and HORRIDLY jiggly. Is that jsut skin? I guess it would make sense that SOME small amount of fat is there, but ugh. I don't ever want my husband to see me nakkid again. *I* don't want to see me nakkid again. Although I must admit, I looked at my butt in the mirror too, and it's toning up NICE! DOn't get me wrong, I didn't have surgery for cosmetic reasons, I did it to save my life. But I sure do look... icky at this stage in the journey. I know that plastics are eventual, at least a panni anyway, i dont need a built in 6 pack, i just want the apron gone. But now it looks like my legs and arms will need help too. Oh well, lots of time to worry about that, 115 more pounds to goal. Thanks for listening.

hey hey gal on those sizes...........but your killing me........your cracking me up. thats what happens to us....ain't pretty but clothes hides it..........

If you think it's bad now - wait as you loose more and more... and more.... and more .... hahaha. Seriously, it will get worse but when it's all said and done it will be well worth it. At the clothing exchanges I always find myself hudled in a corner talking and comparing excess flab and skin with Deb, Angie, and Sherri. I told Deb one time I'd bring clear duct tape and we'd tape ourselves up so we could imagine what we'd look like after plastics, hahahahhahaa. Yeah, we're pretty silly at those clothing exchanges.

We were just talking about the "saggies" the other night in support group. One of the gals who is a year out and down 150# swear by "firming lotion". She just turned 50 and says that she started slathering the stuff on every day since she got home from surgery, and she has had great success. She was sitting there in a sun dress and looked great. No swing the arms, and very little problems with tummy and thighs. She can wear mid thigh shorts and everything. I think I'm gonna order it in a 50 gallon drum or something. I know it's normal, and most of the doctors say that it improves with time, but I haven't seen this yet. I'm only eight weeks out and down 65# already. I purchased some panty girdles and support garments to help hold up the leftovers. I find that the pulling down on my abdominal muscles is even more icing on the cake. My belly is tired at the end of the day from the apron pulling on it. The foundation garments really do help. Congratulations on your WOW....Good luck with the UGH...and hang in there. I love reading your posts. Have gotten lots of good info from the indy forum. Thanks Aim

Aim, Is there any way u can find out the name of the lotion your friend used. I know there are several u can get at a drug store and then there are others that are very expensive u have to get at high end dept stores. I would really like to know wich one she used so I can use it on my arms and thighs. I will get a tummy tuck but that arm surgery is alot more painful and longer healing time. Its hard to not use your arms. Mariah

First off...Congratulations on the size 24's! You are doing so wonderful. As for the skin, it is a reality we will all have to face. However I keep it in perspective by saying...Do I want to be obese and die early or be healthy, live longer, and just have a little jiggle to me? They can correct the jiggle with surgeries but death isn't something that can be reversed or corrected. Just a way to look it! Darrah you are doing great! Can't wait to see you at the exchange!! Sam

I actually had the same experience about 2 weeks ago in a fitting room. I was trying on new pj's, bra's and underwear because all of my all ones are way too big and sagging on me. So I was very happy to need smaller sizes, but also, after spending such a long time in the dressing room I became very depressed. I realized that even after loosing 50lbs, I am still fat and my skin looks like crap! And I realized that even with loosing more weight by body will still look like crap! For the first time in a few months, I left the store with smaller sizes and more depressed than when I entered. I'm not sure why it hit me so hard that day but it did. On the positive side, I look better in clothing and my husband loves me regardless of how I look naked! Hopefully, I will eventually get to a place where I am no longer mad at myself for getting fat. I just miss the body that I had at 18. I was thin and had an attractive figure but I still thought I was fat. I didn't even appreciate it then. Well, I guess it is time to start saving for plastics. OK, now my rant is over. Jennifer 273/219/145