I am almost there....maybe

Well lets see, this seems like it has been such an up hill battle (up a very very steep hill). Yes, some or most of you have been there. I had my endioscope Wednesday and eveything went well, just waiting on the byopsy from my stomach to come back. I look at how far I have come and I am glad that I have made it this far. Part of me the scared part has been rearing its head and for the most part I have been ecnoring it. I realize that the closer it is to surgery the more that scared part of me is going to be creeping in my head. It is the feeling of why are you doing this?..for health reasons, why? are you crazy, you wanted to get cut open when you have no pain and no major stomach problems, what are you doing to yourself? Things like that, I can't spell but I think you can understand what I am getting at. I sometimes feel like crying because this is scarry and it is a very big leap off that very steep hill! I am on an emotional roller coaster. I can't gain any weight because the surgant wont do surgery if I do. I think my body is trying to work against me, sence I have gained 5 lbs. I really wanted to get it off, but at the same time I want to eat foods that are not good for me because i am very nervise about the surgery on July 6th. I know I can do this...I know I can do this..., I know I can do this..Yes I can, I know I can do this! with your help and support I can get this 5lbs off and have my surgery. I am sorry or rambling on. Take Care, God Bless! Love, Snugglebunny

where better to ramble than here? i am sure many here felt as you are feeling...not me cos i was like lets get this show on the road...