Husband won't take time off!

My husband is starting a new shift on Sunday, which is 2 days before my surgery. He will work 7P - 7A on Sunday night and then be off on Monday and Tuesday and then work Wednesday and Thursday and then off on Fri, Sat. and Sun. I want him to take off on Wed. and Thurs. He has 72 hours of vacation built up and I think that he should want to be with me while I'm in the hospital. My surgery is Tuesday and he will be with me then, but I won't get out until probably Friday. If he has the vacation time built up, why can't he take Wed and Thursday off to be with me at the hospital? He says he doesn't want to use his vacation for sicknesses or hospital stays. He doesn't get any other time off, like sick days or personal days. We can't afford to have him take the time without using his vacation days though either. Am I being selfish? Should I just let it go? I'm already stressed about being in the hospital by myself and the surgery itself and even the time after I leave the hospital! Please help!!! Paula

first, I didn't want or need my DH to be at the hospital all day. I had things I needed to do. Like sleep, walk etc. I tend to get really *****y & mean when I don't feel well and decided I'd rather the paid professionals deal with me than take it out on the guy I love. I also told my rest of the family not to visit, altho I had surgery on my birthday and my kids and grandkids came to bring me cards and balloons. I made them leave after about 5 minutes, I just was not up for visiting. When you will really need him is for a couple days at home. He should save the vacation days for when you will not have the nurses etc to bring you stuff, help you get up & down etc.

Paula honestly... your gonna want him at home with you when you go home, at the hospital you'll have nurses etc to help you... I didnt want or need anyone with me I slept most the time and when I was awake I hurt and was up walking or having tests done, .. I can understand your nervous and want him there and honestly I dont blame you. See if you can get a couple friends to drop in.. Tell him ok you dont have to be with me at the hospital BUT I want a nice weekend away when I lose my first 50lbs Good luck Debby

Paula, You will be doing a lot of sleeping and walking.. and you'll realize soon enough that you probably won't want your husband there the WHOLE time.. you may want him there more when you go home.. Just a thought.. I wouldn't stress out too much.. if he'll be there the day of surgery... and the day you come home.. I think you'll do fine (and so will he! Those hospital chairs are NOT comfy!) Good luck and congratulations on your new life! Stef Lap RNY 11/12/04 5'11" 390 -> 270 -> 175

I'm starting to wish that I hadn't posted anything. Everyone keeps saying that I'm better off without him. I don't care if he sits and stares at the wall. It's that I know he's there the second that I need him, but even more than that, is the fact that he didn't WANT to take off work to be with me. He said he would rather use the time to get things done around the house, like putting in a new basement window or putting up a new door on our kids' room. I can't believe that you all would accept that as his first choice!!

sounds like a typical guy. they have no idea what these things mean to us. It is not a reflection of him not caring but maybe just guy practicality. My DH can be really dense sometimes too.

Well, I got a compromise from him. He is taking off on Wed. too. I think it has more to do with not wanting to go to work than with wanting to be with me at the hospital, but I'll take what I can get!