NEW here..Nervous..Worried..Scared..Apprehensive..etc.

Hi everyone. I'm brand new to these boards and to the prospective thought of having bypass surgery. I have attended an informational seminar at the Barix Clinic in Belvidere Illinois. It was very helpful and there was alot that they covered. I took notes as fast as I could. I've been thinking about this surgery for a very long time. I have seen 2 of my friends go through with the surgery. One of my friends got extremely skinny to the point of looking very unhealthy. That freaked me out a little but I also have to remember that everyone is different. I've not talked to either one about their surgeries. I'd like to just keep this to myself and my husband right now. It's a very scary thought about where I'm at now with my weight and problems to where I could be after the surgery. I'm upset when I think about it..my weight that is. I am 38 years old and I was a thin woman when I graduated from high school. I'm angry because I did not eat my way up to the weight I am now. I am on quite a bit of medication and have been for 21 years or so now. That's a key right there. Then several years ago I was diagnosed with PCOS. WOW...an answer to that mystery. Now as I look back that is the exact answer to all of the problems I ever had as a young woman and also when we were trying to have a child. Amazing how it can take all these years to find out that something I have been dealing with all along actually has a name. Anyhow..I've become very unhealthy heavy, scared, worried, uncomfortable, self concious and very much afraid that if something is not done I will have to go the next size up in my clothes and that totally freaks me out because I'm in a size 24 right now depending on how the clothes are made. I'm sad and I ask my husband how he can stand to be with me after what I've become. I don't ever remember having to go out and buy new clothes the next size up all the time. It's like I was skinny and now BAM I'm in size 24+ clothes. I've done and tried everything but all of my health problems and medications are against me here. I feel like I can't win no matter what. I'm miserable and feel unlovable. My husband and I have been together for 22 years and married for 19. It's pretty bad when I feel I have to cover up my body when he comes in a room or into the bathroom. I don't even want him to see me. God...what has happened to me? I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to live to a very old age and play with my future grandkids. I want to be able to tie my shoes...heck...I want to be able to wear tie shoes and not my slip ons that have become the easy way for me. I'd like to not loose my breath going up stairs. I'd like to not be dripping wet in sweat from the time I get up until the time I go to bed. I do want to be able to cross my legs, I want to sit on my husbands lap and love on him, which I used to do. I don't want to take acid refulx meds anymore and all the others I'm on. I'd hope and pray that loosing weight would stop me from snoring like an old lumberman. WOW..I could just keep going and going with it all. I've cried so many times and told my husband so many times how sorry I am that I've become this way. Well, I just don't know what else to say right now. I guess this is a good ground breaker to get started. I did make a profile if you'd like to look at it. Right now I'm confused and yes I'd like to hide under a and not come out again...but I want to live life and live it to the full. Please write me back. Thanks for listening.

i do know how you feel...i think most of us do at one point or another...i am waiting for approval on my surgery so hopefully i will have it in sept...like you i had to many things working against me and it all came crashing down....i now have resp problems..high bp....bad back and joints...acid reflux.....and i hate it....my hubby wanted to get in the shower with me and i flat out said no because i can't stand him to look at me.....trust me.....we all feel this stuff and you are not alone in it...just think how wonderful you will feel by this time next year. christy

your post touched my heart because I feel the same way about my self image. My husband is 6'2 and 170 soaking wet. He is so hot and fit and then there is me. I always say why are you still with me.. and how can you stand to see me this way. I know he loves me but still I gained over 130 pounds being with him.. anyway enough about me and good luck to you.

Good morning, Tammy. Your post sure hit home and brought back lots of memories. This surgery gave me back my life but has risks as well. It is a tough choice. We're here for you and can help you through this period of your life. Blessings and peace.

Hi Tammy: All I can tell you is that your stroy sounds so familiar for alot of us post ops and pre-ops. You are not alone that's for sure. Be informed about the usrgery continue to research and when you finally feel comfortable DO talk to the others in your town that are post-op and that includes the extrmemly thin one..You never know she might not have been able to do the protein or had some problems. I talked to three post-ops before my surgery. One said never again, and the other two told me do what the Dr. says Follow the diet and exercise to maximize your weight loss window, because they didn't do that. I followed that advice and at 2 years post-op have lost 185 pounds and staying below goal weight still! I had joint and back pain, NOW gone....SLeep APnea cleared up in three months. High Blood Pressure and in 8 months no longer on meds for that. Asthma greatly improved. Decreased dosage on the meds because of weight loss. I too sweated profusely from morning to night. Now I freeze my patoot off LOL don't know which was worse... The rewards are worth the risk I would not be here if I had not had this surgery. As the pounds come off and you start regaining the freedoms you never knew you lost it will be well worth the effort. If you need to talk or need other info please do not hesitate to e-mail me. Ramona