mom in bad shape-so am I

I don't know why after all this time I am still drawn to this site when I need help to cope. it may be as simple as "these people have walked down the same path I chose" or as complicated as "when say distal RNY somebody knows what I meant." I need right now, a gaping hole of needingness so anyone who is online, please talk to me... I couldn't bring myself to actually type the words til now, but my mom almost died thurdsay night. she and my dad are down in texas with my sister and the new baby for about a month. Heather had just fed the week old baby when she came downstairs and my mom was on the kitchen floor literally purple. luckily her hubby grabbed their other 2 kids before they saw more than grandma laying down. they did CPR until the paramedics arrived. but we have no idea how long she was unconscious and without air. She had to get zapped 4 times to make the heart start. she is in the hospital still, it was heart related and mom had a quad bypass a decade ago, but she hit her head somehow too. there is short term memory loss every 5-10 minutes but that has been improving. if you have seen the movie 50 first dates or memento, it is just like that where the brain cannot create new memories beyond a short while. because it has been going longer between "resets' they are optimistic this will or can eventually go back to normal but that isn't for sure. Anyway heather and her hubby are dealing with this and having to keep watch on someone who just isn't my mom! (she is mean, verbally abusive, threatening to leave against medical advice etc) instead of bonding with their newborn. if I had ANYONE to take care of Tripp during the days I would so be there, but I can't make it work out okay. Heather has been the one to have to explain a thousand times a day that mom can't get up, can't take off the neck collar, and what happened to her. My mom is such a fighter but this has messed with her brain and she thinks she is ready to die and not even get the angiogram to see how bad her heart is much less how to fix it. She has 3 new grandkids in the last year so obviously we are trying to get her to stay for their sakes. Part of me is angry...the folks who are post-op had to fight to make it, fight to get approved, fight to get scheduled, fight to get someone to empty their darned bedppan. and then we fought and fought to make the most pounds possible go away. and in my case we fought to keep our baby, fought to keep him healthy, and then fought to make my body whole again (P.S I've been gettng b12 and iron infusions since january) why the F'in in blip blip dadah can't my mommy fight to stick around?!!! we KNOW how strong we are to get thru this, is it so unreasonable to expect our family to fight as hard for their survival as we did? is that just arrogance or plain simple hungry need. I NEED my mom so in my mind she has to fight harder regardless of what she is capable of doing? any thoughts?!!!!! anyway please keep her in your prayers. I kept busy this weekend to try and not sit home worrying about her. My son Tripp(miracle baby!!!) had his 6 month appt and we did family pictures all of which I will share later tonight or tomorrow. Colleen Open RNY 5-9-2003 Edward Charles III born 1-13-2005 361/236/160 I'll get there eventually

Colleen first off your mom and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Your mom's brain had a trauma and she's just not herself. Once that heals things will change.. its just gonna take patience... and time I wish there was something ANYTHING I could say to make you feel better but I know there's not... Hang in there is all I can say, tell your sister to do the same... Debby

Thats really sad and i know all to well what ur going through and its not easy seeing ur parent go through it.My mom had COPD,and MS was on a bunch of meds,and they would mess with her mind sometimes,I couldnt get her to do anything,she didnt know who i was,She didnt want to live,she signed herself out of the hospital more then once.It was terrible.I could understand though with all her problems why she didnt want to live,i tried to put myself in her shoes and think would my family really want me to hurt this bad and go through all this.I dont know if i could have went through all the stuff she did,hospitals all the time, getting poked ,and prooded.Feeling like i couldnt breath, she couldnt go hardley anywhere,she was on oxygen 24-7.I took care of my mom for alot of years,and im glad she went in her sleep,but i miss her more then i could ever explain,and wish i had her back just not in the condition she was in.IM REALLY SORRY FOR WHAT UR GOING THROUGH.You and ur family are in my prayers.(HUGS)

Colleen - I am so sorry. I really wish we could all jump in and help you out. Since we can not be there physically for you I hope you know that we are all here emotionally for you! Good luck and lots of ((((((((huggs))))))))) Nancy

Iam so sorry to hear about your mom how helpless you must feel not being able to get to her, but all you and all of us can do is pray for her safe and full recovery, you all will be in my thoughts..lisa michelle

Oh Colleen, I am so very sorry. She is in my prayers, and Tripp has been for months. I've got my own 2 miracle NICU-grad babies, and I know how much I rely on my mom just being there - for a phone call etc... love and prayers to you and your whole family. Katie

My prayers are with you.

Oh Honey...BIG HUGE GINORMOUS HUGS for you all. I wish we "knew" each other better so that I could say, bring him over. But alas, we aren't that friendly. LOL But I would take him in a heartbeat if you felt comfortable with it. I have the time and the space and a 4 year old who is quite the baby entertainer. WOW! So Scary. I hope and know your mom will be better (whatever that is) asap. HUGS AND LOVE to you and Tripp! Melissa