My 3 month old baby is sick-prayers please

So I'm home now, to shower, eat and sleep a few hours. They admitted Tripp yesterday. After a month of doc listening to his lungs saying "good, no fluid" yesterday she heard a rattle. Tripp has had congestion since birth, a cough / cold since April 1st and now his first case of pneumonia. there's no line for that in his baby book. How rude of them to leave that line out. I've had pneumonia seventeen times in my life so you'd think I'd be prepared.(11 of them before I turned 21) I feel...numb. I am surprised at how little I feel about it. I weaned him starting last week and the hormones are going away. good. sort of.. I had been feeling the worst of PPD and it is now going away, (beginnings of post partum psychosis I think) but I don't want to be numb as I look at Tripp and they put him under a tent. It is breaking my heart to see him sick, but from it feels like it's from 3 states away emotionally as my body does this weird chemical dance. Other moms have been where I sit, in a hospital staring at your precious reason for living through tubes and plastic. It sucks with a capital UCK. I suppose in some alternate universe I should be glad I am not FEELING this, like I've been FEELING everything the last 3 months, a fly bats his wings on the wall and I would weep...a coffee commercial comes on TV and I weep because my car insurance isn't GEICO or some crap. I want to beat the doctor, not smack him, but BEAT him down for not being able to say "we found the broken thingamajiggy and Tripp will be fine now" isn't there a wire to solder, a hose to clamp, a filter to change to make this all go away? I KNOW he will be okay, I know this like you know the garbagemen come on tuesday and the payroll department knows how much to take out of your paycheck. He HAS to be okay or there is nothing worth trusting on this planet and God and I will haave to have a SERIOUS talk about promises broken... this baby is my life, I tried for 15 years to succesfully carry full term, 24 losses (no exaggeration) and fertility treatments, and then I had my RNY may 2003. 140 lbs lost later we tried the first week of may 2004 and got pregnant with barely trying. Tripp is my MIRACLE baby on so many levels(bowel obstruction emergency surgery at 8 mos, we barely made it! 80% mortality rate, WE are the first on the books with RNY to live). GOD can't take him, it would be beyond cruel to have made me wait so long, teased me and then tortured me. so I KNOW he will okay... but to get thru this point, to walk the journey god has mandated..why does it have to be so hard/? why does it have to hurt so much and that's with KNOWING I am numb?!!!!! I need to sleep now I guess, but for those who pray and can actually find time to think about other people, whisper a wish to the higher powers today please, just a little "help Minx aand Tripp to be happy" today. thanks... if you have a reply send it to email not the group please , I am only browsing the digests this week... minxkely @ xnet.com (PS folks, I'm sorry, if you know me, you know I dislike showing my need in a fun club, but I have no where else to say this..nowehere where my friends gather but here)

Colleen, My thoughts and prayers are with you and Tripp. I know what you are going through as I also had a child that was in the hospital several times. My saying is that "God will not give me more than I can handle, so he knows I can handle this." Everything will work out. D

I have prayed for Tripp this morning, Colleen. Trust our God and keep the faith.

Everything I read on this board says we are a family, families are there when someone needs them. You guys need us now, let us know how we can help and we are all there for you!! You ask for prayers now, you have them, you need someone to sit with you and hold your hand, I know people will be there for you. Tripp will be okay, he has been through so much already this is just a walk in the park for him. Nancy

{{{COLLEEN}}} I had JUST asked about you guys! I KNOW all will go well and he will be JUST FINE! And when he gets better I'm gonna come up there and kick his little butt for making you worry! Big hugs and prayers to you all. If you need anything...I'm just an email away! Melissa