NEED SOME SUPPORT HERE!!!!! :

Hello everyone......I am researching the laparscopic WLS, But, I am not having much luck with any support system, I am approximately 109 pds overweight and have a good chance of being approved by insurance.......however, most my friends and family believe and let me know I am *going to the extreme* by wanting this surgery......I want to be healthy and am tired, real tired of the diet pills, programs, where I lose 25 pds and gain back 30+!!!!! I have read many positive reviews, which are pumping me up.....but how can I help my loved ones realize this is something I feel I need/should do? For me, no one else? I have 2 small children, ages 3 and 9 and a husband, who says he will support my decision, but, doesnt really show any support, I feel very alone in this decision and could use some moral boosting/support......Someone out there, PLEASE help......Sincerely, Julie

Hi Julie - I wish I had some magic words to offer you, but its such a very very personal decision. I really think that your friends and family will jump on board once they learn more about the surgery. I'm certain that they all love you and are concerned that you're considering "anatomy changing" surgery. It is a very serious and drastic surgery. Perhaps you could bring them to an introductory seminar kinda thingy - once they see the happy successful (and most, importantly, HEALTHY)people, it will become real to them. Please don't feel alone. You're definitely not alone. Finding this website and this message board was a HUGE first step. You'll find more support here than you can imagine.

Couple things to send you... here is the letter I wrote my family and close friends about this: On (date) my life will change forever... for the better! As you already know, I will be having RNY Gastric Bypass surgery at XXXX. My family and friends are my support, my life and my love. Weight loss surgery can be a very private and personal matter. Many people that I've 'talked' with online have family or friends that don't understand the struggle with obesity. They sometimes have a belief that obesity is simply a lack of self-control. When someone believes this and hears that you are having this surgery, they may judge you and believe you are "taking the easy way out." As you will find in the many pages that follow, there is nothing easy about what I am undertaking. There is pain, physical changes, emotional changes, and many unknowns that lie ahead for me. I want to share these with you so that you can continue to be my support. Some people simply tell their family or friends that they are having stomach surgery, or having their gallbladder removed. However, I firmly believe that an honest and forthright approach is best, combining that with my confidence in decision I have made and with the knowledge that I have the right to choose what is best for me. You will probably be alarmed with the section I have included that details the risks involved. Believe me, I have spent months researching these risks, and hours praying about them. Please understand that severe obesity itself is a chronic, frequently progressive, life threatening disease. I am in pain every day from the damage I have already done to this 30-year-old body. This surgery can relieve my pain, and although it might not undo all of the previous damage, it will put a stop to it. There are times when my heart is torn, and I pray that I am not making a selfish decision. I need to be a good mommy to my two beautiful little boys. I need to spend many more years with my supportive husband. My grandchildren need learn things from me, not about me. My heart is open for you, so I hope that yours in turn will be open for me. The next 2 pages that follow list the "100 Reasons I Have to Lose Weight" and believe me, there are some very personal things mentioned. But, as someone who loves and supports me, I know you will understand my need to share.

The Top Ten Reasons why Weight Loss Surgery is NOT "the easy way out" By Glenn Goldberg 10. It's very expensive. Many health insurance companies don't pay for the surgery, and even when they do, co-payments and other costs add up quickly. Also, it can become very costly to constantly replenish wardrobes as the weight comes off. 9. Recovery can be very painful. Besides the pain from the surgery wound, patients may experience nausea or severe gastric distress. Patients with sleep apnea may become sleep-deprived, with all of the associated adverse affects, when they must discontinue use of their CPAP machines to avoid disturbing the staples creating their tiny new stomach pouch. 8. Recuperation can take a long time. Patients may be "out of commission" and absent from work for a prolonged period of recovery time. In some cases, patients may not be able to return to work or normal pursuits for up to 10 - 12 weeks. 7. It's hard work and a major time commitment. For optimal results, patients should engage in aerobic exercise for up to an hour daily. For bodies unaccustomed to vigorous exercise, this can be very hard. It's also a real challenge for WLS patients to learn all they must about nutrition so they can assure that their food and vitamins are sustaining their body. Finally, it can be exhausting to consciously, carefully and painstakingly chew every bit of food that enters your mouth. 6. Vomiting isn't fun. Nor is diarrhea. It may take patients many months (and frequent episodes of vomiting or diarrhea) to identify incompatible foods and to learn the practical limits of their newly reduced stomachs or digestive systems. 5. It takes extraordinary courage to consciously limit food choices for the rest of your life (and potentially limit social opportunities built around meals). For many patients, life after WLS means treating food as a fuel, not as a source of drama, excitement, comfort or a central life focus: i.e. eating to live rather than living to eat. While some procedures may be reversible, for most patients WLS is a lifetime commitment, requiring a lifetime of major lifestyle changes. 4. Weight loss surgery can be dangerous. As many as .5% of surgery patients may die from the procedure, and up to 5% may experience debilitating medical complications (especially if they listen to their peers' advice more carefully than their doctor's.) 3. It takes great bravery and strength to deflect other people's judgments and society's myths about obesity. Fat people are often blamed and shamed by family and friends with simplistic advice, unrealistic solutions, and uninformed prejudices. Whether it's for genetic or metabolic reasons, diet and exercise, willpower and discipline have never, by themselves, been enough. Our appetite regulators simply don't work. Without WLS, we don't know when we're full! 2. What gives anyone the right to judge which path is right for another? Is a person who runs a 10K taking a "better" or "tougher" route to wellness than the person who walks vigorously every day? Is working with weights better than water aerobics? Different strokes for different folks. Each of us finds our own right way, and how dare others judge our path to health and longevity! By their reckoning, the most courageous thing would be for us to suck it up and die young. 1. For many morbidly obese people, WLS may be the ONLY realistic alternative for achieving a long, healthy life. The newest research provides irrefutable evidence that body weight is largely a function of genes -- just like height or a family propensity for cancer. These genes help regulate appetite and metabolism. People prone to obesity seem to gain excessive weight easily, while finding it difficult or impossible to lose it. That's why diets almost always fail and why WLS is currently the only viable weight loss option for many morbidly obese people, according to endocrinologist David *******s of the Veterans Affairs Puget Sound Health Care System. Most people can lose no more than 5-10% off their "natural" body weight by exercising and eating wisely. Decades of diet studies show that more than 90% of people who lose weight by dieting gain it all back within 5 years. "There are exceptions, but when you are speaking of general rules, the only people who are able to lose more than 10 percent of their body weight and keep it off are people who have had gastric-bypass or other bariatric surgery," *******s notes.

Julie after fighting with my mom for a few weeks this is was my final comment to her on the subject.. "I am having this surgery, I have researched and researched, I have read the stories about those who didnt survive the surgery. I am not going into this thinking its a quick fix...I am not living life I am merely existing, I am done with diets, I am done with the disappointment, if you are not behind me on this, if you can not support my decision, then for the sake of arugment or fights we will not discuss this any further. I am doing this for a better life for myself. I love you dearly that will not change, but I need to do what is best for me. I am making this lifestyle change and I will succeed with or without your support." Yes a bit harsh but you know my mom is a nurse and she remembers this surgery and how people did after it. She use to harang and harp on me for hours, to the point I didnt want to talk to her on the phone and even tried to block her out of this whole process. Then my dad got involved and told her i was a big girl and said he supported me unconditionally, I think that helped then after seeing how I am doing and came through it she's on board and feels I made the right decision. If you want this and are 100% sure you are making the right decision for you then do not allow anyone to deter you.... As far as your husband goes I am sure its not so much he's not supportive he's worried about your health and maybe a bit concerned on what will happen to the relationship after the weight is gone. I strongly recommend going into counseling together after surgery, there is a lot of changes and you both need to learn how to deal with this so you do not lose the relationship. Good luck and hang in there this is a great board for support and we are here for you.. Debby

Julie, You've gotten some good advice here.. I knew, going into this process, that my family was going to resist the idea. I had to educate myself and be ready to answer their questions with details and facts. In the process, what I learned helped ME be more comfortable with my decision. When I ultimately told my brother and father (mom came later), they did exactly what I thought they'd do. They asked all the questions I had asked about it.. what are the risks.. what are the benefits.. how does it work.. what does the procedure entail.. what's the success rate.. what's the failure rate.. could I die.. would I be in the hospital for a long time.. will I ever be able to eat normally again.. When I finished talking to them both, they felt like they had learned something. My brother (who, by the way, is a genius -- no, literally) said, "I know you've done your research because you were able to answer my questions with information *I* didn't have.." Honestly.. you are making this decision for YOU.. and for YOUR long term health. Be educated and be resolute.. your family may STILL not support you out of fear or misunderstanding or anger or even jealousy.. just rest assured that when you've done the research and you understand what's involved in this, you are making this choice to live a better life for longer than you would if you didn't make this choice. If they don't support you now, they may support you down the road.. or they might not.. it's a chance you might need to risk taking. It's YOU that's important now. DO NOT be afraid to put yourself and your health first this one time. You don't have anything to apologize for if you are doing this for your own better health. Stef Lap RNY 11/12/04 390 -> 322 -> 175

Go to Barbara Thompson's web site that I have copied here and near the bottom of the home page is a link that is for your significant others to read. I think in particular this is written from the husband's stand point. Also, she has a great book which I think that you can buy on her site or here on this site. Here is the link: http://www.wlscenter.com/ Keep coming back to us if you need the support we are here for you.

We have a great support group that meets in Belvidere (really close to Rockford). Let me know if your interested and I'll send you more information!

Julie, I didn't tell anyone, including my kids, because I wasn't sure what the reaction would be. Unfortunately, people see horror stories on TV because that's what makes the ratings go up. But if you're going to Barix in Belvidere, you'll be in the best hands possible. Like Brooke mentioned, there's a support group that meets there the 2nd Monday of the month at 7:00 pm. You'll meet us, and also nurses from Barix who have had the surgery. And feel free to email me anytime. I live out by Cherry Vale Mall and I'd be glad to give you any info that you need. Terry

Julie My surgery was two weeks ago. At first I didn't want to tell my family because I was afraid of what they would say. But then I did . I said I just want you guys to know that I'm having wls in the next few months. Their is nothing anyone can do to change my mind. I have already decided to do it for myself and I would appresiate your support and prayers.