really sad today

It started out fun and exciting. My sister asked me to make a list of friends and addresses for her to send out invites for my baby shower next month. I'm not due til January but I didn't want to have to do shopping/returns too close after Xmas and there is a good chance I may end up back on bedrest later in the pregnancy (I only got off bedrest 2 weeks ago) So the relatives list was easy. I have no work buddies becuase I work from home (solitary artist type) and was disabled and housebound so many years (7 yrs or so) then I get to social friends list. I can think of dozens of girlfriends some of which I haven't talked to in 5-10 years. These are people I loved. There are all of 7 names on my list and 2 of them I am debating including because I feel like we aren't very close anymore. I can say it's maybe my fault. After my surgery my recovery was long and arduous and it was ll I could do to walk and stay focussed, but I didn't return emails and calls, and I would feel wrong to just invite them to my shower when I didn't make the effort sooner to get them back in my life. NOw the other names are dearer than my family, these gals were holding my hand thru every trial and are joyous at my new baby. so I'd rather have 5 close dear friends than 100 casual ones, but how could I have lost so many of the dozens of friends I used to have? At one point hubby and I threw dinner parties and halloween/new year parties where we would invite 20 couples all of whom we truly cared about and considered close friends. To go from being such a social girl to having female friends I can count on one hand (with 2 more maybes) feels tragic to me. I never mourned the loss of my social life when I was suffering it. I guess I was too busy with insulin injections and barely getting out of bed to worry about parties and friends back then, and in the 17 months since my surgery well, I guess I was learning to live again, and had just started becoming social again in jan & feb before I got pregnant and got put on bedrest. I just mourn it all now and feel like there is something wrong with me if I have so few friends. A lot of them moved away or we lost touch when stupid politics in th social club made fights and factions. We didn't takes sides and I guess just withdrew from all of them when it happened 3-4 years ago. Now that I have my life back and even better a new life on the way, the ONLY thing that was still missing from my life. I look around around and am missing a lot of the gals that always made me laugh and feel inspired and feel supported. Ioddly enough there are a dozen male friends I am still close with and I suppose I've always known I relate better to men than other women, but even so... So at my shower I'll have a dozen relatives and a few friends. they are there to share my happiness, then why do I feel so depressed about all this? any thoughts are welcome. Colleen Open RNY 5-9-03 361/230/160 (after delivery) Edward Charles Due Jan 23, 2005

This is comman for this to happen i have lost alot of friends since i had surgery please just be thankful for the ones you have!! It's still very hard on me!! I live so far away from all my family as well and i know very few people here in my town!! Best of luck to you hope your day gets better

Colleen.. I think we all go through these "sloughing off" periods in our lives. I, like you, have always been very social. I've always had a TON of casual friends with whom I could laugh and giggle and enjoy my free time. A couple of times over the course of my life, I've noticed periods where I see those folks disappear. FROM each of those periods, my true friends emerged -- those are the ones who stuck with me through thick and thin.. Those are the ones who called ME when I didn't call them to see what I was up to.. The first couple of times I took it so personally and wondered what was wrong with me... but then I realize that there's not a thing wrong with what happened. As a casual friend, I was mourning the loss of another casual friend -- and every once in a while that casual friend would show up again, we'd have a great time and they'd go on their way again. It was then that I realized that's the purpose they serve.. to fill my empty time. You haven't had much of that, I'll guess.. and at some point in your life when you're surrounded with different people (other mommies), you'll discover a bevvy of casual friends once again.. I don't know if it helps to know that they do come back.. but they do. It's not you at all.. it's just the nature of casual friends. Keep your chin up, sister.. we're here for you!!

Hi Colleen I think I can relate to what your saying, at least in some aspect. I have very few friends which I attribute to the depression that I went through for the 10 years before my surgery. I have a few remaining friends from high school who I keep in contact with, but only after not speaking with them for long periods of time. I think that it's difficult to maintain close relationships like that when we move or start working or get families of our own or a combination of all of the above. I feel that with many of my friends I don't "fit in", for lack of a better word, simply because I'm not married. Most of their activities are group based, husbands and all, and I'm usually the odd man out. I also live a couple of hours from the people I call my friends and haven't found many here at all because school and work both take up a lot of my time. Like Stef said, we all go through periods in our life where we change and sometimes the effects of that evolution (or regression in some cases) is that we lose friends. I feel like I'm rambling and not getting anything conveyed here so I'll close, but I do want you to know we all think very fondly of you here!! I hope that everything continues to go well for you!! Huggzz, Cathy