Long post -- can't think of a title

So, yesterday I spent most of the day reading the Memorial page. I have been in somewhat of a funk, a little depressed, whatever, so I thought hey, maybe this will cheer me up...ok, or just add some legitimaticy to my distress... Anyway, I read them all. There were some poignant and some painful stories. Some of the saddest were those with no comment, just "this member passed away..." There were some angry postings from family, there were some inspiring postings with last letters from the deceased, saying "Even though this killed me, I'd do it again..." The one thing though, that disturbed me the most, and I can't get it out of my head, is this: There were postings on some that said "happy re-birthday" or "happy anniversary" and the usual "I hope you are still losing..." What bothered me was not that someone might have accidentally posted such a comment on a memorial support page, but that it obviously points to a thourough disregard for the actual person...like the poster is saying "if I post enough, that must make me supportive, right?" Never mind that there were "I'm so sorry for your loss" notes right below the "happy anniversary" posts, but it just makes the support in SOME cases seem so phony...how can you truly be supportive of anyone, if you are so callous in your support of someone? I'm sorry if I'm ranting here, but it has been bugging me ever since. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe posting a note is all that some can do. Maybe there's some kind of one button posting thing that just hits all the support pages for a given day. In that case, I apologize. I just don't understand it. Also the surgery support pages for these folks were no different than the regular ones. I thought the "This person still needs an angel" link at the top of the page was a little chilling....all of these people are WITH the angels! This site has so much to offer, it seems lax not to put a little more into developing something more distinctive for these situations... Anyway, I've written yet another novel...I apologize, its one of my faults. I always write WAY more than necessary... Thanks for listening.

I am sorry reading the memorial page was so upsetting to you. I COMPLETELY understand what you are saying. This site is lacking in a lot of areas. There is so much to do and I think so few people to do it. I know that there are ways you can just click and get to a list of anniversaries. So if someone just goes there, they probably won't know whether or not someone is still kicking. Most people that pass away do so from complications from co-morbs more than surgical complications. It is a risk we all take. Just know that we are here to support you in whatever decision you choose. And we'll be supporting you FOREVER! Melissa Lap RNY 8/31/04