Can you share with me?????

Hi Friends, first let me thank you all for being so helpful to me in my journey. It's hard to imagine that it's been almost 4 years since my surgery! I have been developing a lecture regarding the insensitivity of the public towards the obese. I am doing this for several reasons.....to educate healthcare workers, to lobby for obesity discrimination to be prohibited by the ADA, to educate the public at large to the plight of this last socially acceptable bastion of open and rampant discrimination, etc. Right now all I have to go on is my own experience and I was wondering if you could help me to help others by sharing your experiences with me. I know it might be painful but maybe with all of us putting forth an effort it will be worth it in the end. I'll go first and share one of my most hurtful experiences. When I weighed 263 I interviewed for a job as a receptionist at a popular radio station. Because it was for a receptionist position, the interviews were all done over the phone. You mailed or faxed in your resume and then everything was done over the phone so they could evaluate your phone skills and dealing with the public. I made it all the way down to the final two applicants and was invited in for a meeting with the president. Even at 263 pounds I took great pains with my appearance and fixed my hair and makeup and wore nice, professional clothing. I arrived at the office and saw that the other applicant was a tiny lady who was very pretty. When the president came out he literally looked at me first and then looked at her. He walked up to me, shook my hand, told me he didn't think they had anything for me and hoped I hadn't been inconvenienced by coming in. He then took the other lady by the hand and ushered her into his office. I almost felt sorry for her. He was practically drooling over her. I left the office in a conflicted mess. I was happy that I didn't have to work for an ignorant man like that. But, I was devastated because he had totally discounted my intelligence and my abilities because I was morbidly obese. I felt worthless. I was too ashamed to tell my family what happened and I lied to them and said I'd had a great interview but he must've like the other lady better. It wasn't until I'd had WLS that I shared this experience with them. The really terrible thing about this is that this scenario and worse is played out over and over each day with morbidly obese individuals. Can you share your experiences with me? I know I'm only one person and I don't expect to change the world but I figure even the mighty oak started out as one little nut. So, this little nut is seeking your help. Thanks again for being a wonderful, supportive WLS family! Hugs, Rona

I have seriously mixed feeling about this, and I think what I am going to say will make a few of you hate me, but I feel I must put in my 2 cents. First it is admirable what you want to do. Don't let what I am going to say deter you from your goal. I just feel you can't make people accept or show compassion towards you. I know from my point of view I could never accept myself as I was, I was just a fat unhappy person and I know that showed in my attitude. If we can't accept ourselves the way we are and if we can't love ourselves for the way we are then how do we expect others to accept us? We see so many posting about how depressed they are because of their weight. If you're depressed you send out those "depressed" vibes. How can you expect people to want to be around you when you're like that? We can't expect the world to change to accommodate us. Yes the morbidly obese have a certain level of handicap but as we know through having our surgeries that can be fixed. My fear is if we try to "force" acceptance we will only set ourselves up for more hate. You see this happening everyday with the gay segment of our population wanting to have marriage as a right. There's more gay bashing now than ever before. All people should be treated equal PERIOD, without having to say what group you belong too. I am not saying stay in the closet, I am saying get out there be proud of who you are and let that energy show through. When people see a strong positive self image coming from you, you will never need to ask for their acceptance. People naturally gravitate towards positive up beat people. Right now I am deal with racism, my children are ½ Middle Eastern and we had to change phone numbers do to the death threats we have received in the past. My kids are called horrid names and have lived with this their entire lives. Yet I have 3 strong boys who are proud of who they are, they are leaders in their school and their activities. They have made friends out of enemies due to their positive self image and showing what good people they are. They don't sit around trying to figure out how to make people accept them; they live their lives strong, positive and happy; they never let anyone get to them because they are completely secure in who they are. Before we ask others to accept us maybe we need to learn to be more accepting of ourselves. Debby

Debbie, I agree with you -- most people will respond to the vibrations coming from you. If you are miserable and have a poor self-image, they may respond to you negatively. Even at 389 lbs (my all-time high), I was confident in myself and my abilities. Even though I didn't like the excess weight, I dressed well and projected a good image to the world. Have I been discriminated against because of my weight in the professional world? Probably. Did I care? Yes, but I'd rather be somewhere where I would be appreciated for who I am and can do and not what I look like. There are a lot of "cute" people who can't do diddly. Frankly I'd rather be fat. Even I have negative thoughts about people who dress sloppily and obviously don't care about their appearance -- fat or skinny. Image is everything in today's world -- whether it's right or wrong, that's just the way it is.