depressed

Hi all, Excuse me for having to vent here. I had a HORRIBLE past couple of days. I had some blood work done on Friday and was called by my PCP's nurse. She tells me I have diabetes and will need to start on insulin shots as early as tomorrow. I just found out 2 weeks ago that I have hypertension as well. I went home to cry on my boyfriends shoulder and just have him hold me. When I got home he told me he is leaving me because I have no self esteem and he cannot take it anymore. He packed his stuff today and will be moving out tomorrow, we've been living together for 2 and a half years. I have supported him emotionally and financially through all his tough times. I have been a wreck! I quit smoking 2 weeks ago and couldn't help but have a cigarette and now I feel guilty for that too. To top it all off I found out that my company is downsizing and my job will be eliminated effective October 1st. I don't know what else can go wrong, all I can do is sit here and cry. I can't even eat because I cry so much that I end up vomiting and I can't hold anything down... it feels as if I got hit by a truck. I'm trying to stay focused on my health and getting the surgery I so desperately need. I have a consultation with my surgeon on July 16th. I have to have the surgery before I lose my benefits and I'm afraid time will run out on me. I really don't know what to do, I am so depressed.... ~Jenn

Jennifer thats really sad,and i cant say anything good about loseing ur job cause that sucks,but like my mom says theirs more fish in the sea,and if he cant be here for you now you dont need him cause he would just bring you down.The hole reason for doing this surgery is for starting something over.For starting our health over,for starting new lifes.I know if must suck to lose what support you think you had ,but really if hes going to act like that then you dont need him.Just cause you dont have any self esteem dosent give someone the right to leave you thats dumb.sorry.Cheer up really.Stop smoking its badddd for you..lol.Get back on track.I have type two diabetes i know it sucks.Dont give up..start over..You need support come here..no one will know how you feel like us cause here we about all the same.Overweight,depressed and have lots of medical problems.Im really sorry for you hugs& Sincerely,Chandra

Chandra, Thanks so much for your reply you're a sweetheart! I threw the smokes away and am starting fresh today! I'm starting to think his mental abuse was just maing me fatter, so really, i'll be better off. I'll just miss having someone to cuddle up to at night.. sleeping alone is going to be so hard but it's not forever. *hugs* ~Jenn

Hey Jen get a kitten or cat it wont be mean to you and it will always be glad to see you,and it will give you all the love you need and cuddle with you at nite.Hugs back atcha Jenn stay strong.

Jenn, Ok..lets start out with the good stuff first Dr. Frantzides' office is VERY accomodating, and I'm sure you'll be having your surgery before you lose benefits. However, even if you lost benefits before surgery I think you could COBRA for a while and keep your benefits. Now for the sucky stuff. Even if you're diabetic and have hbp now, in a very short time, that will be taken care of, so you're just looking at managing the problems for the time being. So thats not a biggie, right? As far as the boyfriend? If he cant support you now, in your time of need, then he SURE doesnt deserve to have you when you're a total knockout after surgery! Does he!? See? You already lost how much weight by losing him?! As my Dear Mother says...Lose the Loser!! The job?? One door closing just means a window opens somewhere else. Maybe you'll be like me post op and decide to go back to school and get a new career! Or maybe you'll find something you love doing, and you'll be thankful for the downsizing. I know it seems unlikely now, but many of us get so comfortable in our situations, that we just accept things how they are because its easier than adapting to change Read 'Who Moved My Cheese'!! It's all about making things happen for yourself I know its a stressful time for you..but PUT DOWN THAT CIGARETTE!!! Dr.F wont TOUCH you if you're smoking!! Besides, you better start squirreling away your smokes money for the OUTSTANDING new wardrobe you're going to be needing soon!! Keep that chin up!! Love, Kathy

There you go Jenn more good points.Well said Kathy!

Kathy, You are truly an angel of a woman. Thanks so much for keeping me on track! I'm calling Dr. F'f office today to see if there is any cancellations so maybe I can get in sooner, they seem really nice so maybe if I explain my situation they'll help me out. I'm so thankful you recommended him to me! I threw the smokes out and am starting fresh again, I know i'll have to be smoke free for a minimum of 4 weeks or else it will slow my healing and/or prevent me from getting surgery in the first place and thats no good. I really am looking forward to shopping for smaller sized clothes, ever notice how much cuter the clothes are when they're smaller? Maybe I should start a clothes jar and put all my smokes money in it for clothes, hehe. Thanks again for lifting me up Kathy, you're the BEST! ~Jenn

Holy cow! Thats a lot at once! Hang in there, it certainly cant get any worse! It'll get better for you, one thing at a time. STOP smoking! Please, you dont want anything to hinder your ability to have the surgery ASAP. The diabeties *may* go away after surgery also, so just do what you need to do for now, and your boyfriend does not know what hes gonna be missing in a few months after your surgery...not only are you going to be even more beautiful, your going to have the confidence and self esteem of 3 people!! Just take one day/step at a time, nothing is thrown at you that you cant handle!! My girlfriend who was married for 10 years left her husband, took her 3 small kids and moved into a friends house, lost her job and her car got totaled all within the same week. When it rains it pours! You have OH to turn to...vent all you need to, someone will listen!

Gabriella (love that name!) Thanks for your sweet response. I hope all is well with your friend now! when it rains it really pours doesn't it? I know things will get better, I'm just glad I have the support of all you wonderful people! ~Jenn

My goodness girl! I don't even know what to say! But I am very happy to see you're hanging in there without those cigarettes! How much did you normaly smoke? If it was about a pack a day, why don't you put away $4-5 every day that you would be spending on cigarettes and keep it to splurge after surgery? Also, I really do think your surgeons office would help speed things up a bit if you explain your situation, I will definantly be crossing my fingers for ya! If you need anything, let me know. We don't live that far away from eachother, so if you ever need a friend, let me know! ((hugs)) Amanda